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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Step children calling my parents grandfather

248 replies

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:34

AIBU - my brother is in a relationship with a woman who had a kid that was about 12 when they meet. Let's call the kid Nancy. Not sure where the father is, but the mother is a piece of work.

Some time after they were in an established relationship Nancy started to call my parents granddad/nanna. Nancy has since had a few children, who call my parents Great grandfather/Nana etc.

My parents don't like being called that because they don't think of Nancy etc as their blood etc.

My brother has no blood children with the women and I don't think she calls my brother dad..... so why call my parents granddad etc.

OP posts:
Autienotnautie · 04/04/2023 18:05

So fair enough you don't like the wife and you may not like Nancy but what exactly have her children done to you? She obviously sees you as family and wants her children to have a connection with you. Why would you want to deny the children that?

Original poster
northeasrer · 04/04/2023 18:05

@Puppers she's stoped her child having contacting with my brother and subsequently the "grandchildren" didn't have access to my brother or my parents (the great grandparents).... that was for about 18 months.

Is she didn't have previous form for acting as she does, that I think I wouldn't be on edge/thinking it's all a bit weird. Natalie is however unstable.

OP posts:
nomoremerlot · 04/04/2023 18:06

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 18:05

@Puppers she's stoped her child having contacting with my brother and subsequently the "grandchildren" didn't have access to my brother or my parents (the great grandparents).... that was for about 18 months.

Is she didn't have previous form for acting as she does, that I think I wouldn't be on edge/thinking it's all a bit weird. Natalie is however unstable.

It it's been going on for fucking years, so why now?

Baabaa75 · 04/04/2023 18:06

I don't call my stepdad dad, he is like a dad but I met him at 14, I'm now 44, my kid's call him granddad and he is their granddad 🤷 you sound jealous, poor you!

nomoremerlot · 04/04/2023 18:07

@northeasrer I bet they don't call you aunty?

shieldmaiden7 · 04/04/2023 18:07

You sound jealous tbh

WheelsUp · 04/04/2023 18:07

Apologies if I missed this but is Nancy's father around? Maybe that's why she doesn't call him dad?

Technonan · 04/04/2023 18:08

My stepchildren never called me 'Mum,' but the youngest now has children of her own, and they call me 'Granny.' I love it, and I think of myself as their grandmother. Why wouldn't I?

GinasGirl · 04/04/2023 18:09

It's not weird. I called my Stepdad's Mum Nana, she was the DCs great Nana as far as we were all concerned, this was the case even after Stepdad and Mum split up.
My Stepmum and my Dad are Nanny and Gramps to DC.
However, my Stepmum's DM absolutely refused for us to call her Gran/Nan growing up, which wasn't kind to us as children, we didn't feel wanted or important enough to be a 'real' part of her extended family.
This is all separate - or should be - to the feelings you have for Natalie.

TottyKnickers · 04/04/2023 18:09

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:34

AIBU - my brother is in a relationship with a woman who had a kid that was about 12 when they meet. Let's call the kid Nancy. Not sure where the father is, but the mother is a piece of work.

Some time after they were in an established relationship Nancy started to call my parents granddad/nanna. Nancy has since had a few children, who call my parents Great grandfather/Nana etc.

My parents don't like being called that because they don't think of Nancy etc as their blood etc.

My brother has no blood children with the women and I don't think she calls my brother dad..... so why call my parents granddad etc.

You sounds like a bunch of c@#!s.

Seriously having a go at kids who want to fit in. Horrible family

TottyKnickers · 04/04/2023 18:09

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:34

AIBU - my brother is in a relationship with a woman who had a kid that was about 12 when they meet. Let's call the kid Nancy. Not sure where the father is, but the mother is a piece of work.

Some time after they were in an established relationship Nancy started to call my parents granddad/nanna. Nancy has since had a few children, who call my parents Great grandfather/Nana etc.

My parents don't like being called that because they don't think of Nancy etc as their blood etc.

My brother has no blood children with the women and I don't think she calls my brother dad..... so why call my parents granddad etc.

You sounds like a bunch of c@#!s.

Seriously having a go at kids who want to fit in. Horrible family

Kangarude · 04/04/2023 18:10

So Nancy is 22 and has 4 DC who can all talk (if they're saying grandad etc)? Are there any twins?
My DGD has young siblings who are not related to me but they call us grandma/grandad as we have been in their lives since they were born. I think it's sweet

Ariela · 04/04/2023 18:10

Why don't your parents have a word with Nancy and say they don't like being called great granddad etc because that makes them seem really old and they're not, and they're not actually even grandparents to Nancy. Could they perhaps be called by their actual names ( if not some other nickname).

Must admit it grates with DH when DH's (only) uncle's step son's ex-wife refers to his uncle as 'Dad', and grandad to her (too many to count) kids, most of whom are younger with a different dad.

Imnoonesfool · 04/04/2023 18:11

My stepson (25) doesn’t call me mum but has always called my parents Nan/grandad , my kids call my best mates parents Nan/grandad and visa Versa

Original poster
northeasrer · 04/04/2023 18:11

WheelsUp · 04/04/2023 18:07

Apologies if I missed this but is Nancy's father around? Maybe that's why she doesn't call him dad?

No he's not. Natalie had Nancy when she was "young" around 18 or so which may have contributed to the father not being around.

OP posts:
Dinosauratemydaffodils · 04/04/2023 18:11

Nancy (the 22 year old) doesn't call my brother dad yet my parents are called grandfather.

Entirely different relationships? My mum was 13 or so when my Gran married her second husband. She and her brothers never called him dad and declined his offer of adoption because they had a dad albeit a dead one. I and my cousins called him Grandad. We adored him and he adored us. When he died, he left money to each of his 5 grandchildren even though only one was biological, the rest of us he gained through marriage. Every prize we won, every exam we passed, every little achievement he was so proud of all of us. I named dc1 after him because he was an amazing, honourable man who I was lucky enough to have had as a Grandad.

Original poster
northeasrer · 04/04/2023 18:12

Imnoonesfool · 04/04/2023 18:11

My stepson (25) doesn’t call me mum but has always called my parents Nan/grandad , my kids call my best mates parents Nan/grandad and visa Versa

That's unusual. Does he have a mum and no other step parents?

OP posts:
TeaForMeandThee · 04/04/2023 18:12

I think this is quite normal, in my extended family step children call none blood grandparents nana etc but don't call the step-mum mum. My aunty is very excited about becoming a great grandma soon, she's no blood relation to the child but that doesn't matter, she will be it's great grandma in every way possible!

You sound like a piece of work, they are family, what does it matter?

Whatevs23 · 04/04/2023 18:12

I think you and your parents sound utterly vile and heartless.

  1. It's very normal for step grandparents to be called Grandma and Grandad even if their parents don't say Mum and Dad. I don't know why you think this is so strange.

  2. My father and stepmother split up. Guess what - I still have a relationship with her, as do my children, and do you know what they call her? Grandma. Is that so strange?

  3. These poor children. From the sounds of it Nancy had a very unstable childhood. We don't know if there is any relationship with the biological father, and her mum (Natalie) has some major issues. She was a child when she became part of your family, yet you and your parents don't consider her as such. Don't you think she could have used all the loving supportive adults in her life that she could get?

  4. Your posts aren't completely clear, but are you saying that Nancy has 4 children herself at the age of 22? Sounds like she's searching for the love she didn't have as a child. Wouldn't it be wonderful for her children to have loving great grandparents and a loving great aunt in their lives, even if they're "not blood" (ffs)?

People like you and your parents make me sick!

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 04/04/2023 18:12

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:34

AIBU - my brother is in a relationship with a woman who had a kid that was about 12 when they meet. Let's call the kid Nancy. Not sure where the father is, but the mother is a piece of work.

Some time after they were in an established relationship Nancy started to call my parents granddad/nanna. Nancy has since had a few children, who call my parents Great grandfather/Nana etc.

My parents don't like being called that because they don't think of Nancy etc as their blood etc.

My brother has no blood children with the women and I don't think she calls my brother dad..... so why call my parents granddad etc.

What horrible parents you have.

She has loved them since she was a 12yr old child and they don't like her calling them her grandparents.

nomoremerlot · 04/04/2023 18:13

Ariela · 04/04/2023 18:10

Why don't your parents have a word with Nancy and say they don't like being called great granddad etc because that makes them seem really old and they're not, and they're not actually even grandparents to Nancy. Could they perhaps be called by their actual names ( if not some other nickname).

Must admit it grates with DH when DH's (only) uncle's step son's ex-wife refers to his uncle as 'Dad', and grandad to her (too many to count) kids, most of whom are younger with a different dad.

Because they're spineless horrible people?

LakeTiticaca · 04/04/2023 18:13

I've been a stepmother for 30 years. My stepson never called me mum. He has his own mum. His kids call me Granny and my biological grandchildren are their cousins. They are only small at the moment so don't know they aren't biological related but who cares, they have been "cousins" since birth.
Obviously Nancy has been in yoir family for a good number of years and now has children. If your parents don't wish to be called Granny and and Grandad maybe they should just say so . They sound quite unpleasant and tbh so do you.
It's not the children's fault what went on with the parents/grandparents.
Poor kids 😢

Original poster
northeasrer · 04/04/2023 18:14

Ariela · 04/04/2023 18:10

Why don't your parents have a word with Nancy and say they don't like being called great granddad etc because that makes them seem really old and they're not, and they're not actually even grandparents to Nancy. Could they perhaps be called by their actual names ( if not some other nickname).

Must admit it grates with DH when DH's (only) uncle's step son's ex-wife refers to his uncle as 'Dad', and grandad to her (too many to count) kids, most of whom are younger with a different dad.

My parents are non confrontational

OP posts:
Eleganz · 04/04/2023 18:14

northeasrer · 04/04/2023 17:38

Why?

Nancy (the 22 year old) doesn't call my brother dad yet my parents are called grandfather.

Can you explain that?

Show quote history

Well it happens. My kids from my previous marriage don't call my partner "dad" but they refer to his mum and dad as granny X and grandpa X. The difference is that they are more than happy to be an extra set of grandparents to these children as well as their other grandchildren related directly by blood.

Many children and adults feel that you can only have one mum and one dad. This isn't true for grandparents.

Original poster
northeasrer · 04/04/2023 18:15

LakeTiticaca · 04/04/2023 18:13

I've been a stepmother for 30 years. My stepson never called me mum. He has his own mum. His kids call me Granny and my biological grandchildren are their cousins. They are only small at the moment so don't know they aren't biological related but who cares, they have been "cousins" since birth.
Obviously Nancy has been in yoir family for a good number of years and now has children. If your parents don't wish to be called Granny and and Grandad maybe they should just say so . They sound quite unpleasant and tbh so do you.
It's not the children's fault what went on with the parents/grandparents.
Poor kids 😢

They sound unpleasant? Are people not allowed to have boundaries? I haven't stated they dislike or don't desire to be called grandparents.....

But did you also read the part where they didn't see any of them (Natalie and Nancy etc) for 18+ months because natalie fell out with my brother?

OP posts: