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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My marriage is a joke, isn’t it?

181 replies

Boymamabee · 04/04/2023 08:11

We have to leave our rented home by June and I'm due this month.

Went to view a 2-bed ground floor flat within our budget. My husband actually asked where he’s supposed to keep his “DJ stuff“ and gaming crap. We’re currently in a 3-bed we don’t need. Double room all to himself while our small living room is full of toys because son’s room is a box. Feel ashamed just writing this.

Viewed a top storey flat with no lift but an extra room. Husband thinks I’d be fine taking a baby up all those stairs after a c-section as long as I put the sling on my back, not front. According to him, it only takes 2 weeks to recover from a c-section.

Won't book a day or afternoon’s A/L to view places in the week - even though his job makes it possible to work from home so won't necessarily need A/L. Asked me a question about aerial/WiFi and measurements and when I said I didn’t know, he belittled me.

Says he doesn’t want a “shitty“ council house and called me delusional. (Council can only offer a 2-bed and rightly so).

Thinks I’m in the wrong for pursuing an ASD assessment/diagnosis for our son even though it was the school and HV that referred him. Said he didn't want me claiming DLA as he’s “not autistic“ - although all the health professionals disagree. Won't book any A/L or time off to come to appointments or listen to what the pediatrician has to say.

I've finally decided enough is enough but I don’t know how to go about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Boymamabee · 04/04/2023 08:12

I know this is a public forum but please don’t share to FB or anywhere else. I feel vulnerable enough!

OP posts:
coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 04/04/2023 08:13

Boymamabee · 04/04/2023 08:12

I know this is a public forum but please don’t share to FB or anywhere else. I feel vulnerable enough!

Just an FYI, you requesting this is totally meaningless.

Ursualesther · 04/04/2023 08:14

Are you pregnant?

how old is your son?

Ursualesther · 04/04/2023 08:14

Why on earth would someone share this on FB?

Ursualesther · 04/04/2023 08:15

We’re currently in a 3-bed we don’t need

It would seem you do need a 3 bed?

Teapleasemilknosugar · 04/04/2023 08:16

So there is you and partner, son and another DC on the way? I'd still be looking at renting another 3-bed if you can afford it.
Plus storage unit for DPs excess stuff?

SpringtimeDandelions · 04/04/2023 08:17

Is it an option to break up with him and move into the two bed council flat with your son? You should still be eligible for a two bedroom place as a single parent with a child (and another on the way).

SpringtimeDandelions · 04/04/2023 08:18

And yes you’re right: he’s being awful and you don’t have to live like this.

Shemovesshemoves21 · 04/04/2023 08:19

Ursualesther · 04/04/2023 08:15

We’re currently in a 3-bed we don’t need

It would seem you do need a 3 bed?

This is all you got from OP's post? 🙄

OP, I'd suggest speaking with a solicitor to get some advice. Women's Aid if you think you're in a volatile or abusive relationship (speak to them anyway, they could help).

He sounds completely selfish. Have you got friends or family you can stay with if needs be?

Stripycatz · 04/04/2023 08:19

What other support do you have? Any family or friends that could support you over the next few months?
Write a list of everything YOU and dc need to get through this.
Husband can look after himself.

Suetcrust · 04/04/2023 08:20

Ursualesther
The post states she is “due this month.” From thst I’ve taken it she is pregnant and baby is expected to be born this month.

OP is married to a selfish self centred twit who is in denial. In her shoes I’d be seriously considering my future without the juvenile man child he comes across as in her post.

Thelittlekingdom · 04/04/2023 08:21

It’s not a joke more disturbing what a selfish shit your husband is. I’d consider woman’s aid and looking for places without him.

SallySunrise · 04/04/2023 08:21

Take the council 2 bed without him. He sounds awful!

Ursualesther · 04/04/2023 08:21

Expecting a second child
but says don’t need a 3 bed

I would argue that a family of 4, one of whom has a hobby with a lot of equipment, could probably benefit from a 3 bed

RudsyFarmer · 04/04/2023 08:22

Mumsnet often shared posts yonFacebook and OP has asked they don’t share this.

OP do you actually want to be with him? It doesn’t sound like you do to be honest. I think you need to look at what help you’d get as a single person.

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 04/04/2023 08:22

SpringtimeDandelions · 04/04/2023 08:17

Is it an option to break up with him and move into the two bed council flat with your son? You should still be eligible for a two bedroom place as a single parent with a child (and another on the way).

I would be looking into this option OP.

RudsyFarmer · 04/04/2023 08:23

Ursualesther · 04/04/2023 08:21

Expecting a second child
but says don’t need a 3 bed

I would argue that a family of 4, one of whom has a hobby with a lot of equipment, could probably benefit from a 3 bed

I’d imagine the three bed is privately rented and the OPMis now looking at council/HA properties which are smaller as they are saying she only needs a two bed currently.

CouldIHaveThatInEnglishPlease · 04/04/2023 08:24

I confused, why are you still recovering from a c section if your dc is at school?
if you are pregnant like others are suggesting, or just planning another in the near future, and have an autistic dc, then 3 bedrooms are better than 2 because sharing with a ND child isn’t easy on either child.

I don’t think you dh is necessarily in the wrong - a toddler only needs a box room as they only sleep there and usually play in the lounge so there’s nothing wrong with a parent taking a larger bedroom for a study/hobby room. Although he is a dick about ignoring concerns regarding asd, but he isn’t the first parent to do that and won’t be the last. Sometimes it’s very hard to wrap your head around your child having some form of disability.

Marchforward · 04/04/2023 08:27

So there are two adults, a school aged child with autism and a new baby due very soon. It sounds like you do ideally need a 3 bed property unless you are only planning on stay for a year or so or keeping the baby in your room for a very long time.

Ursualesther · 04/04/2023 08:31

All my child’s toys were in the lounge and dining room, in storage boxes, when aged 4. Never played in his room at that age. He too is ND

Krumpet · 04/04/2023 08:32

Are you being offered a council property? Take it without him! He us a useless piece of shit.

ElephantGrey101 · 04/04/2023 08:34

SpringtimeDandelions · 04/04/2023 08:17

Is it an option to break up with him and move into the two bed council flat with your son? You should still be eligible for a two bedroom place as a single parent with a child (and another on the way).

If this is an option it is what I would do. I am sorry you are going through this.

GabriellaMontez · 04/04/2023 08:37

Krumpet · 04/04/2023 08:32

Are you being offered a council property? Take it without him! He us a useless piece of shit.

This

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 04/04/2023 08:38

OP is pregnant and has an older child.

It's really not difficult to understand.

broadsheetbabe · 04/04/2023 08:39

Is he also autistic?