Page 8 | My marriage is a joke, isn’t it?

Boymamabee · 2023-04-04T07:11:55+00:00

We have to leave our rented home by June and I'm due this month. Went to view a 2-bed ground floor flat within our budget. My husband actually asked where he’s supposed to keep his “DJ stuff“ and gaming crap. We’re currently in a 3-bed we don’t need. Double room all to himself while our small living room is full of toys because son’s room is a box. Feel ashamed just writing this. Viewed a top storey flat with no lift but an extra room. Husband thinks I’d be fine taking a baby up all those stairs after a c-section as long as I put the sling on my back, not front. According to him, it only takes 2 weeks to recover from a c-section. Won't book a day or afternoon’s A/L to view places in the week - even though his job makes it possible to work from home so won't necessarily need A/L. Asked me a question about aerial/WiFi and measurements and when I said I didn’t know, he belittled me. Says he doesn’t want a “shitty“ council house and called me delusional. (Council can only offer a 2-bed and rightly so). Thinks I’m in the wrong for pursuing an ASD assessment/diagnosis for our son even though it was the school and HV that referred him. Said he didn't want me claiming DLA as he’s “not autistic“ - although all the health professionals disagree. Won't book any A/L or time off to come to appointments or listen to what the pediatrician has to say. I've finally decided enough is enough but I don’t know how to go about it.

Notimeforaname · 04/04/2023 16:12

Take whatever flat you want. You and your kids.

Eyerollcentral · 04/04/2023 16:19

BungleandGeorge · 04/04/2023 15:56

I think if he needs the equipment and room to regulate after work then he needs it, the question is can you possibly afford it even if it means cutting back in other areas. Trying to cram a baby, a toddler and 2 adults in a 2 bed flat isn’t ideal. I wouldn’t make a decision on the stairs
based on your c section as he’s presumably taking paternity leave and then if you have to restrict to
yourself to the flat for a week or two it’s not an enormous problem. The question is will you be able to manage with baby and toddler on an ongoing basis. Is your toddler going to walk downstairs?
I can’t understand his attitude towards dla etc, surely that would be an option to make things easier to get a bigger place etc!

WTAF. The parents come second to the needs of the children. This man does not have a diagnosis of autism, as usual it’s the armchair psychologists who have diagnosed him. No one needs a DJ and gaming room. He needs to grow up and put his children first. If he has additional needs then he needs to be a big boy and go to the doctor. He is a big enough man to impregnate the OP twice he should be able to manage it. Plenty of families cope fine in two bed flats. The OP would be insane to give up a council tenancy to placate this selfish, self centred man.
‘then if you have to restrict to
yourself to the flat for a week or two it’s not an enormous problem.’ 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 amazing, stuck in a flat with two young children for two weeks, no big deal. Jesus Christ have you spent a couple of days inside with two young children? It would send you astray in the head, never mind two weeks.

NaturalBae · 04/04/2023 16:38

CocktailsAndSunshine · 04/04/2023 09:58

What replies do you think you'll get that you didn'tget on your other thread?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4776274-cant-choose-where-to-live?reply=125109260

OP - I’ve now read a bit of one of your other few threads, which relate to your Husband and his inflexibilities (selfishness).

Again, your H is the problem here - not where you live.

You should have a say in where you want to live, regardless of how much money you bring to the table.

You also seem to have a MIL problem.

I would get rid of them both.

bussteward · 04/04/2023 16:41

Eyerollcentral · 04/04/2023 16:19

WTAF. The parents come second to the needs of the children. This man does not have a diagnosis of autism, as usual it’s the armchair psychologists who have diagnosed him. No one needs a DJ and gaming room. He needs to grow up and put his children first. If he has additional needs then he needs to be a big boy and go to the doctor. He is a big enough man to impregnate the OP twice he should be able to manage it. Plenty of families cope fine in two bed flats. The OP would be insane to give up a council tenancy to placate this selfish, self centred man.
‘then if you have to restrict to
yourself to the flat for a week or two it’s not an enormous problem.’ 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 amazing, stuck in a flat with two young children for two weeks, no big deal. Jesus Christ have you spent a couple of days inside with two young children? It would send you astray in the head, never mind two weeks.

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Thank you for articulating exactly what was wrong with that post; I tried and got as far as “FFS FFS” and didn’t bother posting!

NaturalBae · 04/04/2023 16:57

BungleandGeorge · 04/04/2023 15:56

I think if he needs the equipment and room to regulate after work then he needs it, the question is can you possibly afford it even if it means cutting back in other areas. Trying to cram a baby, a toddler and 2 adults in a 2 bed flat isn’t ideal. I wouldn’t make a decision on the stairs
based on your c section as he’s presumably taking paternity leave and then if you have to restrict to
yourself to the flat for a week or two it’s not an enormous problem. The question is will you be able to manage with baby and toddler on an ongoing basis. Is your toddler going to walk downstairs?
I can’t understand his attitude towards dla etc, surely that would be an option to make things easier to get a bigger place etc!

OP - Has your H booked any Paternity Leave for this pregnancy, outside of the same Annual Leave dates that has repeatedly booked every year for the last five years?

Did he book Paternity or Annual Leave for your first pregnancy?

According to your other thread, it looks like you may still be in employment?
Are you on Maternity Leave?
Whatever you do, please do not give up your financial independence, as it seems that you are not in a position to do so.

Your other post about you feeling as though you have no say re. where you live, is a great example of why women should never give up their financial independence.

illtakeit · 05/04/2023 08:48

NaturalBae · 04/04/2023 16:57

OP - Has your H booked any Paternity Leave for this pregnancy, outside of the same Annual Leave dates that has repeatedly booked every year for the last five years?

Did he book Paternity or Annual Leave for your first pregnancy?

According to your other thread, it looks like you may still be in employment?
Are you on Maternity Leave?
Whatever you do, please do not give up your financial independence, as it seems that you are not in a position to do so.

Your other post about you feeling as though you have no say re. where you live, is a great example of why women should never give up their financial independence.

Show quote history

Your last paragraph. I mean we see this every god given day on MN and I don't know when are women going to open their eyes. It's really not in a woman's best interest to rely on a man financially especially if they're as flaky and selfish as OP's H.

I can sense OP is longing to leave but that would put her and her 2 DC in a bad place financially. I note in your other thread OP you said you have some health issues which is one of the reasons why you're not in a good place financially. I think you need to make an application for benefits or something. I'm sure you'll be entitled to something. Leave that man and learn your lesson to never rely on a man financially again.