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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who invites one half of a couple to a wedding??

550 replies

username98765 · 31/03/2023 09:51

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable. My dp of 9 years has received a wedding invite today just addressed to him! The bride and groom I have known for years. The groom used to go out with my cousin but it ended with him cheating on her. That's the only reason I can think of not to be invited. I would never imagine inviting one part of a couple to a wedding! Haven't had chance to speak with my dp as he has already left for work when I'd seen it.

OP posts:
Gladiaterf · 31/03/2023 10:23

I think it's absolutely fine. Sometimes people have a small wedding and numbers are limited.

This really doesn't bother me, why do couples have to go to everything together?

DH has been invited to weddings without me and vice versa.

minipie · 31/03/2023 10:23

If you socialise with them mainly as a couple and so are now “equal” or nearly equal friends with them with your DP then yes this is rude.

However if it’s generally DP who sees or keeps up with them on his own, or if this is a friendship of DP’s from the past, then this makes sense and isn’t rude IMO. Why would they invite someone they don’t see.

We did invite partners to our wedding regardless of how well we knew them, but tbh with hindsight it wasn’t necessary to invite the partners we didn’t know well, and it was a bit weird having people we barely knew at our wedding.

Keeween · 31/03/2023 10:24

My apologies, I have no idea why that posted twice!

BeLuckyy · 31/03/2023 10:24

Keepthetowel · 31/03/2023 09:59

No ring, no bring is a very old custom

Where, is this 'old custom' from?

Phos · 31/03/2023 10:24

Depends on the situation. If it was someone the other partner didn't know at all, like maybe a colleague or old school friend then I don't think its unreasonable not to invite them. It's not rocket science that weddings are expensive and venues have capacity limits.

Gladiaterf · 31/03/2023 10:24

luckystarg · 31/03/2023 09:58

YANBU. I hate this. If you can’t afford to have both at the wedding, don’t invite just one. At the end of the day it is their choice but I would be outraged if DH even considered going without me (unless I didn’t know the person or something, or maybe when Covid number rules were in play)

It has happened to us before and DH said he won’t go. An invite magically appeared for me.

But why is it a huge deal to be outraged about?!

You're still individual people, you're not attached at the hip!

Do you not have separate friends?

Original poster
username98765 · 31/03/2023 10:24

carriedout · 31/03/2023 10:23

Wedding etiquette has mostly gone now, so they are free to invite who they choose.

My preference though is to invite couples.

I think a lot of weddings are a bit grim now, no kids, wear this or that colour, can't bring your partner blah blah blah.

There is actually a long list of dos and donts on the invite including what to wear!

OP posts:
minipie · 31/03/2023 10:24

You’ve known them longer than your DP… but were you actually friends with them? Or is DP the one with the friendship??

Original poster
username98765 · 31/03/2023 10:26

Keeween · 31/03/2023 10:22

That’s rude in my opinion. No one is owed an invitation as such but personally I think it takes the piss to invite someone to celebrate your love and your relationship while disregarding their love and their relationship. When I got married, with established couples, we either invited both or neither.

This is why we won't be getting married haha!!

OP posts:
SpideysMummy · 31/03/2023 10:27

I assume DP is a closer friend of bride/groom than you are? It’ll be a numbers thing.

USERk · 31/03/2023 10:27

I feel mixed...if there was a "friends" table for old school friends and maybe partners invited in the night then this wouldn't bother me.
But on the other hand I personally wouldn't invite anyone from an exes family to my wedding day and I think your hugely over looking this!! Even if you didn't fall out with him directly it's still his wedding day and I can see why he wouldn't want his exes family member there

WandaWonder · 31/03/2023 10:27

If one of us only knows the couple or one of the couple only why on earth would me/dh go as well?

No offence to people dh knows without me but we are not joined at the hip

Bolshybun · 31/03/2023 10:29

I appreciate couples make their own decisions. I was invited to the day ceremony and my husband only to the evening, the venue was miles away. The logistics with our kids in the mix and travelling there separately made it impossible, so we both accepted the evening only invitation.

GalaApples · 31/03/2023 10:30

I can never understand this idea that wedding guests have to go with a partner, or having someone at my wedding that I either did not know or did not like. In this case they probably don't want the memory of the cousin issue to blight their day in any way, so best not have a reminder (you by association). People should just be more adult about invites like this, and go on their own.

honeylulu · 31/03/2023 10:30

Since they know you both well then yes it seems rude and a deliberate snub. When we got married the budget was tight so we only invited friends' partners if they were married and/or if we had at least met them. That's where we drew the line. Though as it happened we had a few declines from infirm relatives etc so were able to extend the invitation to plus ones later. Some brought their partner, some didn't.

Myneighbourskia · 31/03/2023 10:30

I think it's a bit rude, really. I would be giving them a wide berth after that.

Ktime · 31/03/2023 10:32

Do you even want to go to a cheating twat's wedding? You both should decline.

WandaWonder · 31/03/2023 10:35

WandaWonder · 31/03/2023 10:27

If one of us only knows the couple or one of the couple only why on earth would me/dh go as well?

No offence to people dh knows without me but we are not joined at the hip

I better add I mean this in general of the fact couples have to do everything together

I am presuming there is more going on with the op

Tealsofa · 31/03/2023 10:35

luckystarg · 31/03/2023 09:58

YANBU. I hate this. If you can’t afford to have both at the wedding, don’t invite just one. At the end of the day it is their choice but I would be outraged if DH even considered going without me (unless I didn’t know the person or something, or maybe when Covid number rules were in play)

It has happened to us before and DH said he won’t go. An invite magically appeared for me.

Why???

Why would you want to go to a wedding, where you have only been invited as a plus one??

Couples are individual people, not conjoined

Original poster
username98765 · 31/03/2023 10:36

Ktime · 31/03/2023 10:32

Do you even want to go to a cheating twat's wedding? You both should decline.

I'm not really sure how to feel about it. Just spoke to dp and he says he's not happy about it and going to speak to them. Trouble is now I don't want to go if I'm not wanted there. I guess it just took me by surprise.

OP posts:
ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 31/03/2023 10:37

If I didn't really like or know someone, they wouldn't be getting an invite. Maybe they just wanted actual friends there.

Twospaniels · 31/03/2023 10:38

Well it might be down to space and/or cost.
Many years ago I had a very small registry office wedding. you could only have 25 guests. None of my husband’s family attended. We invited close friends (in couples) but then I invited my auntie’s and uncles, but not their spouses. There just wasn’t room. I felt bad that my husband had no family there and so that’s why we made the decision to have mostly friends

Swapshopping · 31/03/2023 10:41

A very good friend of mine invited me and not my DP to her wedding. She also invited our mutual friend without HER DP. The two of us had a great time together catching up without our DPs and the bride suggested things for us to do before/after (local spa etc)

Meanwhile the bride HAD given plus ones to some people she knew didn't know people at the wedding so they always had someone to be with/talk to. I thought this was both a great use of her budget and really considerate.

Plus our DPs couldn't give a fuck about coming tbh.

It's a wedding not a lunch date for you and your DP.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 31/03/2023 10:42

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 31/03/2023 09:56

Yes YABU.
It’s their wedding. They get to choose who goes.

No, they get to choose whom they invite.

It’s up to the partner to choose whether to accept.

Phoebo · 31/03/2023 10:42

My friend only invited me to his wedding, at first I was a bit put off as he was invited to our wedding (although he was single at the time), but then realised everyone has their budget and I should appreciate I made the cut. No big deal