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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who invites one half of a couple to a wedding??

550 replies

username98765 · 31/03/2023 09:51

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable. My dp of 9 years has received a wedding invite today just addressed to him! The bride and groom I have known for years. The groom used to go out with my cousin but it ended with him cheating on her. That's the only reason I can think of not to be invited. I would never imagine inviting one part of a couple to a wedding! Haven't had chance to speak with my dp as he has already left for work when I'd seen it.

OP posts:
roarfeckingroarr · 31/03/2023 10:57

YABU.

Their wedding, their money, their guest list.

Wintersunrise · 31/03/2023 10:58

We didn't invite all friend's partners. We had a smallish wedding and had a rule that only good friends and close family were invited, so no partners that we didn't know in their own right. It was mostly about cost, but also that we wanted to spend our wedding with friends and loved ones, not strangers.

It didn't seem to cause a problem, we got more grief for refusing to invite all of the many aunts/uncles/cousins, most of whom we hadn't seen since we were small children.

Original poster
username98765 · 31/03/2023 10:58

ign0re · 31/03/2023 10:56

I just find people taking the it’s our day thing a bit far these days.
When planning our wedding we’ve always considered making it as simple as possible for our guests to come and would never dream of inviting someone and not their other half especially if they’d been together as long as you had.

hopefully your dp agrees and declines, and like the other poster I wouldn’t be surprised if an invite magically appears for you. Is your dp invited to the stag?

I have spoken with him and he isn't happy. But then I don't want to go if not wanted. He is going on the stag do. The wedding is the beginning of May so I'm thinking it was a late invite anyway.

OP posts:
GIorious · 31/03/2023 10:59

My best friend of 35 years did this a few years ago, for her second marriage.

For her first 20 years ago, she charged all her guests £40 a head to attend. I was a single mother at the time - she allowed then 6yo DS to come for free but didn't give him a seat or a place setting/food at the reception because I hadn't paid for him. The waiter took pity and brought him some bread and soup which he had to sit on my lap to eat (DS, not the waiter!). I helped organise her wedding so it was a bit of a kick in the teeth.

xogossipgirlxo · 31/03/2023 10:59

Judging by replies here: "Who invites one half of a couple to a wedding?? " - surely someone who posts on mumsnet 😂

It might be my background, I'm not from the UK, but I think it sucks being invited without partner. Unless plenty of people are invited like this and evening will turn more into disco, than couples on the dance floor. Otherwise I would be bored to death without dancing partner. And no, I wouldn't ask groom's 70 years old uncle etc. to dance with me 😬

Whatthediddlyfeck · 31/03/2023 10:59

I’ve only ever heard of it in Mumsnet!

Thepeopleversuswork · 31/03/2023 11:00

Old friends of mine recently got married after a very long time together and had a very small, registry office wedding with a very small reception. They asked friends not to invite partners (unless the partner was a friend on a standalone basis).

This was partly for reasons of space but also because partners change the dynamic and they had explicitly wanted it to be a reunion for friends who hung out about 25 years ago.

I was fine with it, as was my partner, who I've only been with for four years and has only met this friendship group a handful of times.

I don't see the problem really. Unless the partner is explicitly part of the friendship group. People have the right to see who they want and coupledom shouldn't automatically over-ride other social groupings.

TedMullins · 31/03/2023 11:00

I really cannot imagine caring about this, let alone being angry if I or my partner was invited/went to a wedding without me. We’re two individuals not one homogenous lump.

FellPuck · 31/03/2023 11:01

Don't really understand the outrage on this one - being married to someone doesn't mean that you cease to exist as an individual.

It is ok to do things without your partner every now and then, and likewise them without you.

If you genuinely can't imagine going to an event without them anymore, or why anyone else might have the gall to believe that you'd be capable of that, then that is probably all the more reason to do it and try to become a bit less dependent.

IhearyouClemFandango · 31/03/2023 11:02

I’d find it very odd, especially if you both know them.

VWHoliday · 31/03/2023 11:03

ign0re · 31/03/2023 10:56

I just find people taking the it’s our day thing a bit far these days.
When planning our wedding we’ve always considered making it as simple as possible for our guests to come and would never dream of inviting someone and not their other half especially if they’d been together as long as you had.

hopefully your dp agrees and declines, and like the other poster I wouldn’t be surprised if an invite magically appears for you. Is your dp invited to the stag?

I agree.

I think it's polite to invite partners/plus ones.

The guests are spending a whole day celebrating the marriage of a couple. It's their special day, not so special for the guests.

ChristinaXYZ · 31/03/2023 11:05

Lcb123 · 31/03/2023 09:55

Their wedding, their choice.

Weddings, like having good manners, are indeed people's own choice. Inviting only one half of a couple is 100% rude. The OP is not owed an ivitation but that does not mean it is not bad manners. The OP is as free to take offence as the couple are free to not invite her.

Apairofsparklingeyes · 31/03/2023 11:05

If the groom has previous form for cheating, maybe @username98765 and her DP will both get an invitation to his next wedding? Smile

Proudofitbabe · 31/03/2023 11:06

I'm with you. Couples don't HAVE to do anything obviously but it's considerate to invite guests in LTRs as a couple, unless maybe inviting as part of a table of existing friends who are all coming alone but would have each other.

Otherwise it's just a long, expensive occasion to spend on your own. What if you don't know others at the wedding? It'd be crap! I wouldn't want to travel, spend the whole day, and potentially stay overnight on my own. It doesn't make me some kind of insane co-dependent. I just wouldn't go to that effort or expense for anyone who wasn't prepared to include my husband for MY benefit, especially when they know them!
Weddings are expensive, that's life. Either pay up or expect declines.

Spidey66 · 31/03/2023 11:08

I think it's rude. If it was a drink down the pub yes invite the one you are closest to. But a wedding? I find that bizarre.

KillingLoneliness · 31/03/2023 11:09

I think it’s unfair unless it’s a very new relationship. Neither myself of my DH would go to a wedding or similar event without each other so we’d politely decline.

JudgeRudy · 31/03/2023 11:09

I guess it was unusual....ish, but its becoming more common. At one time it was unusual to have a weekend in Praugue for your Satg/Hen do, but thats pretty common now, likewise adult only weddings.
I wouldn't necessarily give someone an extra invite just because they were in a relationship. That would depend on the relationship I had with that person and their partner and how they 'fitted in'. So it could be that I had invited 4 old uni friends with the expectation they'd 'hang out' together, likewise my fiancées rugby team.
You're also assuming you've been deliberately left out when in fact it could have been more about having one more space left and the couple said 'Bill or Ben? What do you think Hon?'...and chose your fella because he knows Josh and Marcus who'll be on that table.
I hope your OH isn't declining just because you're not invited.

DannyZukosSmile · 31/03/2023 11:10

Depends. If it's an unmarried couple who have been together less than 3-4 years, and not living together, then it's perfectly OK to not invite one of them to a wedding. Married couple - or a couple who have been together for 4 years or more and are living together, very rude to leave one out.

Saoirse82 · 31/03/2023 11:11

luckystarg · 31/03/2023 09:58

YANBU. I hate this. If you can’t afford to have both at the wedding, don’t invite just one. At the end of the day it is their choice but I would be outraged if DH even considered going without me (unless I didn’t know the person or something, or maybe when Covid number rules were in play)

It has happened to us before and DH said he won’t go. An invite magically appeared for me.

That's pathetic. Some people can't afford to have a plus one for everyone at their wedding.

I was lucky enough to be in a position to be able to invite plus ones b

VWHoliday · 31/03/2023 11:12

MY DH wouldn't go. Maybe loyalty to me - probably because he's not that fussed about watching someone get married.

LuckySantangelo35 · 31/03/2023 11:12

@luckystarg

why outraged? U joined at the hip or something?

ign0re · 31/03/2023 11:12

@username98765 Ah yeah that’s definitely a second round invite situation which probably means they’re tight on numbers if he’s going to the stag, although I have seen people be on stag dos but not wedding invites before which is just all quite odd tbh. I’m with you I wouldn’t want to be invited in that situation either.

also just a case of why should he give up two weekends of his and the expense of that for people who obviously don’t consider themselves that good friends and certainly not good enough to include you. Hard pass! They sound weird and a bit thoughtless

LuckySantangelo35 · 31/03/2023 11:13

KillingLoneliness · 31/03/2023 11:09

I think it’s unfair unless it’s a very new relationship. Neither myself of my DH would go to a wedding or similar event without each other so we’d politely decline.

@KillingLoneliness

why?

Saoirse82 · 31/03/2023 11:13

*posted too soon

But I would never turn down an invitation if my partner was invited and not me. And vice versa.

Proudofitbabe · 31/03/2023 11:13

I mean at my wedding I had a table of good friends, half of whom were single, and I gave them a plus one option as they were traveling and staying over, and giving a gift - and I wanted them to also enjoy their weekend in return for that effort.

Obviously that was my choice and it's by no means expected - but I really can't get my head around excluding serious partners that you actually know!