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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who invites one half of a couple to a wedding??

550 replies

username98765 · 31/03/2023 09:51

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable. My dp of 9 years has received a wedding invite today just addressed to him! The bride and groom I have known for years. The groom used to go out with my cousin but it ended with him cheating on her. That's the only reason I can think of not to be invited. I would never imagine inviting one part of a couple to a wedding! Haven't had chance to speak with my dp as he has already left for work when I'd seen it.

OP posts:
sealon82 · 31/03/2023 10:43

I got married last year and me and my husband both invited work friends and not there partners. Reason being.. cost and the fact we didn't want to pay for partners that we didn't know.

ActDottie · 31/03/2023 10:44

Yanbu, yes they don’t owe you an invite, but it’s polite to invite partners particularly given how long you have been with yours.

Swapshopping · 31/03/2023 10:44

luckystarg · 31/03/2023 09:58

YANBU. I hate this. If you can’t afford to have both at the wedding, don’t invite just one. At the end of the day it is their choice but I would be outraged if DH even considered going without me (unless I didn’t know the person or something, or maybe when Covid number rules were in play)

It has happened to us before and DH said he won’t go. An invite magically appeared for me.

Get a life. Are you one of these people who doesn't have hobbies friends and interests away from their partner?

Also I can totally see why they didn't invite you with your tantrum. And then were forced to invite you - they didn't want you there - why on earth would you want to go? They obviously tolerate you because they like your DP.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 31/03/2023 10:45

I wouldn't but you have possibly already identified why OR there is a strict limit on numbers.
My dnephew recently got married and they drew fairly strict lines cos otherwise there would have been hundreds.

BogRollBOGOF · 31/03/2023 10:46

When only one of you knows the couple and there's plenty of known people in a group together, a solo invitation is fine.

Where you both know the couple and have for some time, it's pretty rude to split married/ well established couples (we worked on living together or 2+ years or so)

IvyIvyIvy · 31/03/2023 10:46

Groups of school friends/colleagues often attend without partners in my circle. Makes a lot of sense when spending hundreds on food and drink to at least like and know everyone you are paying for and recognise who you see on the day. Plus it saves having a bunch of random +1s who've disappeared off the scene in your precious wedding photos for years to come. If he doesn't want to go alone then he should just politely decline. You seem hurt on the principle of being a +1, rather than feeling you've been forgotten as a close friend of the couple. I know it can feel like a judgement on your own relationship but don't take it that way- they are probably just trying to make the numbers work too.

CummaCummaChameleon · 31/03/2023 10:47

If people aren't good friends with the couple, each additional person invited is probably seen as both an additional cost and an additional number, potentially taking away a space from someone they would rather have there.

I wouldn't get wound up about it. You're an expense at this point, not a friend they're dying to have there

BackOfTheMum5net · 31/03/2023 10:49

Loads of people.

It’s not the 1950s, couples can do things separately and have fun!

Glitteratitar · 31/03/2023 10:49

Bonkers!

People who think OP is reasonable, are you joint at the hip? You never go anywhere or do anything separately?

I really don’t get it. It’s poor manners to insist you should be invited in the first place.

Ratataty · 31/03/2023 10:50

Hadjab · 31/03/2023 10:20

Unless there's some massive backstory, that's slightly weird.

Show quote history

No, no back story. Small wedding. Limited guest list, cousin talks to my husband and eldest child quite a lot via wattsapp/phone, I just chat to him and his wifeTB when I see them at family events. I have KNOWN him for years, he has been CLOSE to my eldest DS and DH for years. He did ring to tell us in person before invites went out and some relatives have been difficult about their lack of invitation but I'm just relieved I don't need to travel to London and dress up.

Museya15 · 31/03/2023 10:51

Regardless of their wedding , their choice advice, I think it's piss poor to not invite you also.

Isitthathardtobekind · 31/03/2023 10:51

BarbaraWoodlouse · 31/03/2023 09:58

I’ve been invited to several weddings without DH. This has been where I have a relationship with the bride or groom but he doesn’t (school friends/work friends etc). As said above, weddings are expensive and not everyone can afford to double the cost of their “friends table” by including OHs who don’t know them or each other.

This!

RosaBonheur · 31/03/2023 10:52

StreamingCervix · 31/03/2023 09:58

You say dp, are you married?

I can recall a celebrity wedding trend that’s started, that basically says that unmarried couples wouldn’t be seen as a ‘unit’ so may not receive a double invite automatically. It’s a bit confusing though as obviously they didn’t consider that pre their own wedding day, they would have been an ‘unmarried couple’

Yeah, so unless the first wedding that you have attended together as a couple is your own, you're being CFs.

SemperIdem · 31/03/2023 10:52

I really don’t see why is this a problem. You’re a couple not conjoined twins.

Original poster
username98765 · 31/03/2023 10:53

Glitteratitar · 31/03/2023 10:49

Bonkers!

People who think OP is reasonable, are you joint at the hip? You never go anywhere or do anything separately?

I really don’t get it. It’s poor manners to insist you should be invited in the first place.

I NEVER insisted I was invited at all. Not sure where you got that from. I just wanted peoples opinions on it as I wouldn't do it myself.

OP posts:
Goldie2021 · 31/03/2023 10:53

It could be a printing error? I know at my wedding I forgot to write one of my husbands cousins husbands name on the invite list for the printers so he was missing off his families invite. Very awkward convo my poor FIL had to have with them. 🤣 Luckily I could add his name to the rest
of the wedding stationary.

MrsSkylerWhite · 31/03/2023 10:54

Swapshopping

”Get a life. Are you one of these people who doesn't have hobbies friends and interests away from their partner?

Also I can totally see why they didn't invite you with your tantrum. And then were forced to invite you - they didn't want you there - why on earth would you want to go? They obviously tolerate you because they like your DP.”

Strangely angry reply.

if my husband or I had been the only one invited to the wedding of mutual friends after 9 years together, neither of us would have wanted to go.
We have a lovely life 😁

DuneLoafers · 31/03/2023 10:54

Ok in some situations such as:

Local work friends, no travelling, DPs don’t know couple or each other. None of the group are bringing partners.

Prediscussed in a friendship group where all partners are not invited and don’t know each other and are needed for childcare.

If there’s lots of travelling, the couple know both people, you invited both of them to your wedding - tipping into rude.

Original poster
username98765 · 31/03/2023 10:55

Goldie2021 · 31/03/2023 10:53

It could be a printing error? I know at my wedding I forgot to write one of my husbands cousins husbands name on the invite list for the printers so he was missing off his families invite. Very awkward convo my poor FIL had to have with them. 🤣 Luckily I could add his name to the rest
of the wedding stationary.

The invite was printed and the name was hand written.

OP posts:
ign0re · 31/03/2023 10:56

I just find people taking the it’s our day thing a bit far these days.
When planning our wedding we’ve always considered making it as simple as possible for our guests to come and would never dream of inviting someone and not their other half especially if they’d been together as long as you had.

hopefully your dp agrees and declines, and like the other poster I wouldn’t be surprised if an invite magically appears for you. Is your dp invited to the stag?

Original poster
username98765 · 31/03/2023 10:56

MrsSkylerWhite · 31/03/2023 10:54

Swapshopping

”Get a life. Are you one of these people who doesn't have hobbies friends and interests away from their partner?

Also I can totally see why they didn't invite you with your tantrum. And then were forced to invite you - they didn't want you there - why on earth would you want to go? They obviously tolerate you because they like your DP.”

Strangely angry reply.

if my husband or I had been the only one invited to the wedding of mutual friends after 9 years together, neither of us would have wanted to go.
We have a lovely life 😁

Very rude and no need!

OP posts:
Blossomtoes · 31/03/2023 10:56

username98765 · 31/03/2023 10:36

I'm not really sure how to feel about it. Just spoke to dp and he says he's not happy about it and going to speak to them. Trouble is now I don't want to go if I'm not wanted there. I guess it just took me by surprise.

Show quote history

If you don’t want to go why’s your bloke speaking to them? Why doesn’t he just refuse the invitation instead of making a big deal about it?

Viviennemary · 31/03/2023 10:56

Why not if you don't know them very well. You don't have to go everywhere together.

Schmutter · 31/03/2023 10:56

Maybe they’re very traditional and only invite married couples?

Either way, it’s rude. I’d hope your partner will decline.

PedroPascal · 31/03/2023 10:57

It's totally normal in the weddings we've been to.

DH's school/uni friends or colleagues etc = invitation for him,
my school/uni friends or colleagues = invitation for me.

We also don't mind the much maligned (on MN only) practice of evening invitations, so what would we know.