Who invites one half of a couple to a wedding??

[username98765]

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable. My dp of 9 years has received a wedding invite today just addressed to him! The bride and groom I have known for years. The groom used to go out with my cousin but it ended with him cheating on her. That's the only reason I can think of not to be invited. I would never imagine inviting one part of a couple to a wedding! Haven't had chance to speak with my dp as he has already left for work when I'd seen it.

I agree it's wrong OP, and very strange to only invite one half of a couple, especially if married! My husband was invited to a wedding and not me. I was furious and quite frankly rude - even more so because less than a year earlier they both came to our wedding! And our wedding was a third of the size of theirs. Husband didn't want to go alone either.

My DH has some friends he's known for years who were a no brainer to invite to ours.
Their wags however neither of us really like so didn't want to invite them - didn't want to spend our wedding night do with folk we don't like 🤷‍♀️

It's probably about cost.
I wouldn't let it offend you.
But I wouldn't do this myself as it's a bit odd and doesn't make the not-invited party feel that great.
Unless you know your guest is going to know lots of people at the wedding I would always think a plus 1 is a way to ensure they have a nice time too.

I've been to a wedding by myself with friends a few times, such as for somebody that I knew from a baby group and somebody else from an exercise class. DH didn't know these people at all though and just the women from the groups were invited.

I really don’t get this. Do you go out with your friends for dinner or drinks without your DP? Does he do the same without you? A wedding is absolutely no different.

It’s incredibly rude. And you haven’t said you’re “entitled” to an invitation so I don’t know why you’re getting so many shitty replies.

Loads of couples choose to never get married. You’ve been together 9 years, if you live together and are an established committed couple you should be considered a unit for this sort of thing.

I've never understood this 'it's rude to not invite the other half of a couple' thing.

I think it's far ruder to feel entitled to an invite? To feel entitled to someone spending money on you?

I don't understand people.

Weirdo's who think their relationship is the only one that matters.

Never came across it other than on MN but I just wouldn't go. I went to loads of weddings as a singleton and hated it. Always felt like a spare prick so will never do it if the couple can't be arsed to invite us both.

People will come out with shit like oh but weddings are expensive, cost per head .... well guess what ...weddings have never been cheap.

Maybe it’s about money they don’t have to invite surplus people they are not that close to. But I think a couple should be invited together. Yes money plays a part but you don’t have to be millionaires to invite an extra person.

Actually my DH wouldn’t know more people after the event , I’d have spend time with him and not my friends. I’ve got loads of friends he’s not very sociable.

So do you know the bride and groom op? Do you go out with them or spend time with them with your dp?

I went to alot of weddings of school/uni friends without my long term partner (not husband at that point) but it made sense, there were groups of us from school/uni all seated together without partners, catching up and would have bored the pants off partners. Also if each of us had brought a partner the added cost for bride/groom would have been significant, so I think it makes sense it some circumstances.

I would be hurt if this seemed personal. But maybe it isn't? Do you know other couples with a similar relationship to the bride and groom - have they been treated in the same way? If so then I guess it's just a numbers thing.

I don't understand why you expected to go?

Also I guess a thought - when people say it's 'rude' not to invite the other half, then surely that's by your own standards - you can't expect someone else to have the same standards as you. They just might not consider it rude to not invite you.

I see it like thank you notes - to some people, not sending a thank you note is UNTHINKABLE - but any rational person would understand that other people might not send them a thank you note, because it's not in their culture/they've not been brought up doing it/they consider it a performative waste of paper - in these circumstances you have to acknowledge on an intellectual level that you being offended is a bit of a waste of time because it's probably not personal to you.

It’s not rude to invite who you want to your wedding. It is rude to question an invitation you’ve received – even ruder for OP to question it!

I don’t think anyone is entitled to receive an invitation just because you’ve known them for years. Maybe they consider your DP an actual friend and you’re just his partner? Not sure why they have to invite you if they’re just friendly with you but don’t actually consider you their friend

Lcb123 · Today 09:55
Their wedding, their choice”

Indeed. Bloody rude, though.

I do NOT feel I'm entitled to an invite one bit. I never said that!

I've been invited (and gone) to several weddings where dh hasn't- a few work colleagues then a friend from home. However dh has only known these people in passing. I think it's rude if they are mutual friends of you both.

Unless there's some massive backstory, that's slightly weird.

That’s rude in my opinion. No one is owed an invitation as such but personally I think it takes the piss to invite someone to celebrate your love and your relationship while disregarding their love and their relationship. When I got married, with established couples, we either invited both or neither.

That’s rude in my opinion. No one is owed an invitation as such but personally I think it takes the piss to invite someone to celebrate your love and your relationship while disregarding their love and their relationship. When I got married, with established couples, we either invited both or neither.

Wedding etiquette has mostly gone now, so they are free to invite who they choose.

My preference though is to invite couples.

I think a lot of weddings are a bit grim now, no kids, wear this or that colour, can't bring your partner blah blah blah.

I have actually known the couple longer than my dp has. Not that that matters! I guess it's just not something I would do. And I'm sure it's not to do with money as there is definitely no shortage. I'm not sure if he will go on his own or not. We have had an invite to another wedding of a friend of my dps that I have never met! Everyone is different I guess.