Who invites one half of a couple to a wedding??

[username98765]

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable. My dp of 9 years has received a wedding invite today just addressed to him! The bride and groom I have known for years. The groom used to go out with my cousin but it ended with him cheating on her. That's the only reason I can think of not to be invited. I would never imagine inviting one part of a couple to a wedding! Haven't had chance to speak with my dp as he has already left for work when I'd seen it.

On the plus side, you don't have to travel or buy her a gift. Win win.

Often, single people get +1 so they can bring a friend, especially to evening do’s so they don’t have to attend alone.

My calendar/itinerary, my choice. Which includes the choice to respond with a card reading: 'Thank you for your kind wedding invitation. Regrettably I am unable to attend, and wish you a wonderful day and a very happy marriage'.

Sans money, or gift.

On second thoughts, scrub the word 'kind' from the above. Because it really isn't, particularly.

Exactly this.

I am also perplexed, at how some people seem to find it so difficult to comprehend why OTHERS feel differently to them! YES, some people are offended and upset by not being invited to a wedding when their partner IS.. So what?! Why do certain people find it so hard to believe that others get offended by it? As has been said, I can only surmise that the people thinking it's OK have done this themselves, and are getting defensive because they know how fucking rude they are, and they're being called out.

Also @username98765 I see your update. So this woman left you off the guest list because you didn't say hello to her the other week when you were out?!! That's a new level of batshit. As pps have said, SHE could have said hello to you!

I used to get this from friends and acquaintances and neighbours of my parents. (When I was a teen/young adult.) 'I saw DannyZukosSmile yesterday and she didn't speak!' Like, YOU saw ME and I didn't speak?!!' When I told my mum that this was ludicrous, and made no sense and asked 'why did they not speak to me,' she just told me I was wrong, I was bloody ignorant, and I should have spoken to them. Even though I did not see them, and they saw me! 😩

OK, so it's just for pettiness sake. I hope you other half doesn't accept and go.

As we suspected upthread, it was to get the gift and cater for the minimum number of people.

@username98765 I'm curious - who told you the story about the pub incident? Because if it's come third hand through your partner from the groom, not the bride, I'd take it with a pinch of salt. Sounds a little too convenient to me, like it's the easiest story to go with because you don't speak to her so you're not going to find out otherwise!

And everyone else remains an innocent bystander - not buying it!

How so?
I don’t think anyone sees it that way.
And what’s with the angry ”end off”?

YANBU it’s rude to not invite you as well. I remember when DH and I got married I invited people that I use to work with and 1
woman asked if she could bring her partner who I knew from working with him and his ex wife in another job I’d had so I said yes he’s in a group wedding photo and he treated me like he didn’t even know me at my own wedding never said hi or anything to me I wish I had never said he could come now we had our wedding reception in my grandparents house and I walked into the kitchen where he was talking to my Aunty the conversation stopped when I walked in and he gave me the dirtiest look like I was some kind of uninvited guest when it was my wedding day.

My wife's friend has done this and I think it's weird AF.

So it’s the marriage of children?

sod that, you’ve had a lucky escape

I know it's their wedding, their choice blah blah but I invited all my friends partners because I wanted them to have a good time too 🤷🏻‍♀️ I wouldn't want to be the only couple there 😂

You’re being unreasonable. They do not owe you an invite. Weddings are super expensive and feeding one person costs a lot of money! Especially at the moment. Try to not take it personally and be understanding.

Personally I'd want my guests to have fun and a really enjoyable day. I suppose there's always been the type of wedding couple for whom the day is just about them, and fuck the comfort and happiness of their guests. Usually the type that have a big wedding gift list as well.

Her reason seems petty.

Are you a lot prettier than her by any chance? Could it be she feels threatened by your presence?

I’ve been in both positions, where I was not invited to husbands friends wedding, I didn’t think much of it, though I’d like to of gone.
i also got married and didn’t invite some partners unless we both knew them well, a different situation as it was on the back end of the pandemic when weddings were limited in size. However, I have to say I was super relieved as if we invited one partner at £120 pounds per head, it would’ve meant doing the same for around 12 others which is nearly £1500 more for the wedding. It’s a lot of money.

My husband and I did have a quick chat with those who’s other half we couldn’t invite though

Someone who really does not like the other half of a couple.

Bad manners, maybe.
Currently facing this dilemma myself. Would love to invite an old friend of both mine and dh’s- however his new partner has never so much as said hello to me despite being in her company quite a few times. Why should I spend £100 catering for her at my wedding if she doesn’t have the basic pleasantries to say hello?

Maybe DP needs to decline and say he won’t go as she ignored you in a pub and you hadn’t even known till now as hadn’t seen her 😂

Your dp should decline to go in these circumstances.

Hope the couple have asked people not to give them gifts then. Cost of living crisis and all that.

I agree with @RosaBonheur about the presents

I think it looks a bit sad if you say you can't afford to feed a guest's partner but expect a gift. It's the couple who are getting married special day not the guest's. Weddings can be pretty boring and long for the guests.

@Tellmethespoiler

To be honest, I think putting “plus one” on an invite extremely rude. Like they can’t be bothered to find out anyone’s name, and nor do they care. I might be quite offended if I received an invitation like that. If a partner is to be invited, then the invitation needs to name people individually.

But you’re just assuming a “plus one” always has to be a sexual or romantic partner. What if the person you’re inviting doesn’t have one or isn’t in a settled relationship or just would prefer to invite a friend?

I was single for most of my 20s and half of my 30s and I went to masses of weddings with friends. I would have hated to be chased by the wedding organisers to provide a name for a plus one. It would have made me feel utterly awful.

This is my problem with this mindset: the idea that a couple relationship always has to be first in the hierarchy of relationships above any others. It’s a lousy attitude for so many reasons:

• It supports the idea that the only relationships that matter are with someone you are in a formalised relationship with. So many people don’t live like this.
• It presupposes that your sexual partner is always more important than anyone else in your life which again is just not true.
• It lends itself to a kind of paranoia about not being coupled up which makes single people feel inadequate. It’s as if attending a wedding without a spouse or prospective spouse is bad form.
• It ignores the importance of old and longstanding friendships which predate a coupling (which may be pretty temporary). For many of us our old friendships are far more important than someone we happen to be dating this year.

I just find the whole mindset so 1950s.

Quick update! Apparently I wasn't invited as I didn't speak to her a few weeks ago when I saw her at the pub! I don't even remember seeing her!

Pathetic. Best for neither of you to go and give up on them!

Weddings are super expensive and feeding one person costs a lot of money!

Well, they don't have to be. But I suppose it depends what your priorities are.

Personally i'd rather forgo the luxury horse and cart or 4 tier cake, if it meant I wasn't being a dick to half my friends (and their partners).