Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who invites one half of a couple to a wedding??

550 replies

username98765 · 31/03/2023 09:51

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable. My dp of 9 years has received a wedding invite today just addressed to him! The bride and groom I have known for years. The groom used to go out with my cousin but it ended with him cheating on her. That's the only reason I can think of not to be invited. I would never imagine inviting one part of a couple to a wedding! Haven't had chance to speak with my dp as he has already left for work when I'd seen it.

OP posts:
Ktime · 31/03/2023 11:14

JudgeRudy · 31/03/2023 11:09

I guess it was unusual....ish, but its becoming more common. At one time it was unusual to have a weekend in Praugue for your Satg/Hen do, but thats pretty common now, likewise adult only weddings.
I wouldn't necessarily give someone an extra invite just because they were in a relationship. That would depend on the relationship I had with that person and their partner and how they 'fitted in'. So it could be that I had invited 4 old uni friends with the expectation they'd 'hang out' together, likewise my fiancées rugby team.
You're also assuming you've been deliberately left out when in fact it could have been more about having one more space left and the couple said 'Bill or Ben? What do you think Hon?'...and chose your fella because he knows Josh and Marcus who'll be on that table.
I hope your OH isn't declining just because you're not invited.

Considering the couple have known OP longer than her husband, then yes, they are bloody rude to exclude her and I hope OP's DH does decline! (Unless they have only invited men from their friendship group, which I doubt).

LuckySantangelo35 · 31/03/2023 11:14

TedMullins · 31/03/2023 11:00

I really cannot imagine caring about this, let alone being angry if I or my partner was invited/went to a wedding without me. We’re two individuals not one homogenous lump.

This!

some people on here really don’t get this though

Snugglemonkey · 31/03/2023 11:16

I think it is weird. I would probably not go.

Iamnotalemming · 31/03/2023 11:19

This happened to me. A friend I had known since childhood invited me and not DH to her wedding, because she "didn't know him as well". She had been my bridesmaid 12 months before. I was really upset by it and declined to go on my own. She promptly ghosted me and we've never spoken since. With the benefit of hindsight she was a terrible "friend" who always wanted everything on her own terms, and I'm better off without her in my life!

So, yeah, I think it's rude and weird. But maybe it tells you they are not really your people, if you see what I mean.

JudgeRudy · 31/03/2023 11:19

MatildaTheCat · 31/03/2023 09:59

It’s very rude. I doubt my DH would ever go alone.

Rude? Is it though, really? In general terms surely it's actually rude, or pretty entitled to expect TWO invites just because you happen to have a partner. I mean, why should you get an extra invite to bring some random when Ms Singleton or Great Auntie Hilda get just one?
OK it's a little different here as they both know the couple but people would not expect this anywhere else so why a wedding? I'd also say with many people preferring an adults only wedding, this might help if couples have young children.

Whatsthefrequencykenny · 31/03/2023 11:19

People usually don't get invited beyond space and money because....

Alcohol - they have seen you over indulge or get too drunk and don't want that at their wedding

Personality - someone is too loud or going to do some crazy thing to get attention or flirt with Uncle Mike etc.

Past problem / issue. People want weddings to go smoothly and to have people present who like them and are happy for them. If there are famiy or friend conflicts in the past and people took sides or might come and then not be all that happy / celebratory, they don't wnat them

They just don't like you , don't think you are a healthy partner for their friend

KillingLoneliness · 31/03/2023 11:21

LuckySantangelo35 · 31/03/2023 11:13

@KillingLoneliness

why?

Show quote history

Because we like to be together, it’s how we’ve always done things and we don’t do well at social events alone. I’d be very upset if my family or close friends were getting married and didn’t think to invite him so I’d rather not go.
We do do our own thing sometimes but not often as we prefer to spend our time together.

deveronvalley · 31/03/2023 11:22

When my parents got married, it was them, me and my brother, my Mum's colleague and Dad's workmate Dave as witnesses . Dave's wife was absolutely furious! I was only about 4 but I remember her face at the door when we picked Dave up!

RosaBonheur · 31/03/2023 11:22

Whatsthefrequencykenny · 31/03/2023 11:19

People usually don't get invited beyond space and money because....

Alcohol - they have seen you over indulge or get too drunk and don't want that at their wedding

Personality - someone is too loud or going to do some crazy thing to get attention or flirt with Uncle Mike etc.

Past problem / issue. People want weddings to go smoothly and to have people present who like them and are happy for them. If there are famiy or friend conflicts in the past and people took sides or might come and then not be all that happy / celebratory, they don't wnat them

They just don't like you , don't think you are a healthy partner for their friend

My husband and I don't like our friend's husband. Nobody likes him. He's an arsehole.

We still invited him to our wedding because we invited everyone else's partners (it's very rude not to tbh) and it would have made our friend feel like shit if we'd invited her on her own.

DarlingG · 31/03/2023 11:22

I think people must book a wedding then realise they have too many guests for the allowed numbers or for the cost. We invited everyone with plus 1s. I just felt like sending an invite to someone even if they appeared to be single, didn’t necessarily mean they weren’t seeing someone or in a relationship, just because I wasn’t aware of it. I think I maybe think that way as I was the single guest for so many years and usually would have had someone I could bring, meaning I wouldn’t need to be the only one going alone and feeling self conscious about the table set up highlighting that I was by myself. I know a lot of people won’t give a plus 1 unless someone’s in a well established relationship though. My sister has been invited to a wedding on her own, no plus 1 and it’s a family wedding so really thought they’d at least give her the option of bringing someone as we don’t regularly see them so they have no way of knowing if she’s with anyone or not.

If you’re in a relationship long term you should 100% have been asked!

NotAnotherBathBomb · 31/03/2023 11:24

I never understand the desire for people to go to weddings. Especially for people that you're not close with. There are a thousand other things I'd rather do.

VWHoliday · 31/03/2023 11:24

JudgeRudy · 31/03/2023 11:19

Rude? Is it though, really? In general terms surely it's actually rude, or pretty entitled to expect TWO invites just because you happen to have a partner. I mean, why should you get an extra invite to bring some random when Ms Singleton or Great Auntie Hilda get just one?
OK it's a little different here as they both know the couple but people would not expect this anywhere else so why a wedding? I'd also say with many people preferring an adults only wedding, this might help if couples have young children.

Show quote history

I think it depends how you look at it.

A guest usually buys a new outfit, has travel costs, buys a present. It's quite an expensive day to celebrate someone else's happy day.

I think it'd polite to invite the other halves.

RosaBonheur · 31/03/2023 11:25

JudgeRudy · 31/03/2023 11:19

Rude? Is it though, really? In general terms surely it's actually rude, or pretty entitled to expect TWO invites just because you happen to have a partner. I mean, why should you get an extra invite to bring some random when Ms Singleton or Great Auntie Hilda get just one?
OK it's a little different here as they both know the couple but people would not expect this anywhere else so why a wedding? I'd also say with many people preferring an adults only wedding, this might help if couples have young children.

Show quote history

Yeah it is rude.

Come and celebrate our relationship while we refuse to acknowledge yours and expect you to travel on your own, stay in a hotel on your own, and have no partner to dance with.

Rude rude rude.

We did invite one couple (and their baby) to our wedding, who decided that only she would come (with her mum who was also invited) and he would stay at home with the baby. But that was their choice.

NotAnotherBathBomb · 31/03/2023 11:25

username98765 · 31/03/2023 10:17

I do NOT feel I'm entitled to an invite one bit. I never said that!

I hate these kinds of replies. Not literally stating the words doesn't mean it's not implied 🙄

Frozendaquiri · 31/03/2023 11:26

Bride and groom's have become so entitled these days that they think it's a privilege to be invited.

Cherrysherbet · 31/03/2023 11:27

I think it’s rude.

riotlady · 31/03/2023 11:27

I did! I have a group of 7 friends from school who live at the other end of the country- I knew a couple of their partners (though not well) and hadn’t met the rest. It was a small, budget wedding so adding another 7 people to invite all their partners was a lot and I didn’t want to differentiate between them (eg we’ll invite them if they love together but not if they don’t) so didn’t invite any of them. I talked to my friends about it beforehand and they were happy to have a girls trip and come up on their own.

Schmutter · 31/03/2023 11:27

My DH just wouldn’t go. We both find weddings tiresome, there’s no way we’d want to endure one without each other.

Blossomtoes · 31/03/2023 11:27

Frozendaquiri · 31/03/2023 11:26

Bride and groom's have become so entitled these days that they think it's a privilege to be invited.

It is.

Wexone · 31/03/2023 11:29

I have only been ever invited on my own once and that was for a colleagues wedding and they invited work people but not their partners, We were all sat on one table and had a good night. To me it was a bit strange, been invited to other work colleagues weddings and partner was invited. However for your situation i would also be a bit miffed, No matter how small or trying to keep costs down for your wedding i wouldn't do this, especially as you have been together so long. When we were getting married we tried our very best to ensure it was done for people to enjoy. Just got a wedding invite for May that has a black tie dress code, like just why ? Adding extra expense onto the guest plus so not appropriate for May

PrinceHaz · 31/03/2023 11:29

It’s weird they didn’t invite you but I always think, what’s the point of questioning other people’s decisions. People are odd sometimes. I’d not give it a lot more thought.

SophiaSW1 · 31/03/2023 11:31

Lots of people! I couldn't get worked up about it.

xogossipgirlxo · 31/03/2023 11:32

Frozendaquiri · 31/03/2023 11:26

Bride and groom's have become so entitled these days that they think it's a privilege to be invited.

I agree. "Because cost". If it's so expensive for you, throw a small reception for closest family, but don't do postcode lottery who gets invited and expect them to be grateful.

TomatoFrog · 31/03/2023 11:32

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Soontobe60 · 31/03/2023 11:33

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/03/2023 10:08

It’s incredibly rude. And you haven’t said you’re “entitled” to an invitation so I don’t know why you’re getting so many shitty replies.

Loads of couples choose to never get married. You’ve been together 9 years, if you live together and are an established committed couple you should be considered a unit for this sort of thing.

Why is it rude? Sounds snobbish to me…