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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who invites one half of a couple to a wedding??

550 replies

username98765 · 31/03/2023 09:51

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable. My dp of 9 years has received a wedding invite today just addressed to him! The bride and groom I have known for years. The groom used to go out with my cousin but it ended with him cheating on her. That's the only reason I can think of not to be invited. I would never imagine inviting one part of a couple to a wedding! Haven't had chance to speak with my dp as he has already left for work when I'd seen it.

OP posts:
Tellmethespoiler · 02/04/2023 12:43

L3ThirtySeven · 02/04/2023 12:23

It’s not rude. For a wedding you can send invites your guest list and you simply note +1 permitted if partners are invited or you leave it off if you only want the guests themselves. What’s rude is to feel entitled to an invitation to the wedding of someone you barely know and only then through a partner or mutual friend.

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To be honest, I think putting “plus one” on an invite extremely rude. Like they can’t be bothered to find out anyone’s name, and nor do they care. I might be quite offended if I received an invitation like that. If a partner is to be invited, then the invitation needs to name people individually.

L3ThirtySeven · 02/04/2023 12:45

Tellmethespoiler · 02/04/2023 12:43

To be honest, I think putting “plus one” on an invite extremely rude. Like they can’t be bothered to find out anyone’s name, and nor do they care. I might be quite offended if I received an invitation like that. If a partner is to be invited, then the invitation needs to name people individually.

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That’s just looking to be offended imho. It’s like you think being a +1 is some sort of affront on your status.

comfyshoes2022 · 02/04/2023 12:47

Rapapampam · 31/03/2023 10:01

People who say it’s their wedding their choice, probably have never been snubbed in this way before.
It is rude and demonstrates a lack of manners. No wonder OP is confused. Decent people don’t do this. It would never occur to me to invite a person and not their other half.

I do agree.

Tellmethespoiler · 02/04/2023 12:50

L3ThirtySeven · 02/04/2023 12:45

That’s just looking to be offended imho. It’s like you think being a +1 is some sort of affront on your status.

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Eh? What status? What do you mean? If people invite you to something, they should at the very least know your name -basic manners. If they’ve forgotten, then they need to ask someone.

VWHoliday · 02/04/2023 12:51

Tellmethespoiler · 02/04/2023 12:43

To be honest, I think putting “plus one” on an invite extremely rude. Like they can’t be bothered to find out anyone’s name, and nor do they care. I might be quite offended if I received an invitation like that. If a partner is to be invited, then the invitation needs to name people individually.

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That's just odd being offended by this

Tellmethespoiler · 02/04/2023 12:54

comfyshoes2022 · 02/04/2023 12:47

I do agree.

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I really don’t agree. I wasn’t upset or offended by not being invited to my husband’s niece’s wedding, even though we all know and like each other. OurDDs weren’t offended that they weren’t invited to their cousin’s wedding either. She’s my husband’s direct relative, and there’s not space for everyone. He went, we didn’t.

VWHoliday · 02/04/2023 12:57

You weren't invited to your Niece's wedding and not offended but would be offended about a plus one invite from someone?

GeekyThings · 02/04/2023 13:03

That does sound a bit strange, @Maireas ! Although it's just the new normal, I suppose.

I'm glad everyone I know is either married or happily single, I won't have to think about any of this until our kids are hitting that age. And then I'll tell them what my mother told me - just get eloped!

Tellmethespoiler · 02/04/2023 13:06

VWHoliday · 02/04/2023 12:57

You weren't invited to your Niece's wedding and not offended but would be offended about a plus one invite from someone?

Well, yes. “Plus one” is so incredibly rude. I didn’t mind not being invited to my niece’s wedding - of course there would be space considerations. I definitely would have gone if invited. But I would expect any invitation to have my name on it. I’ve never actually heard of “plus one” on any sort of invitation in real life, thank goodness. It’s just not the done thing.

Singularity82 · 02/04/2023 13:19

L3ThirtySeven · 02/04/2023 12:23

It’s not rude. For a wedding you can send invites your guest list and you simply note +1 permitted if partners are invited or you leave it off if you only want the guests themselves. What’s rude is to feel entitled to an invitation to the wedding of someone you barely know and only then through a partner or mutual friend.

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It is rude.
just because you’ve probably done it and are trying to justify your bad manners, doesn’t make it right.
also read the OPs posts; she’s known the couple longer and actually knows them as well as her partner. Makes it doubly bad manners.

escapingthecity · 02/04/2023 13:21

Some people have a "no ring, no bring" policy for wedding guests - ie you only invite plus ones if they're married. It's a way of keeping the numbers manageable.

SharonKaren · 02/04/2023 13:27

Some people have a "no ring, no bring" policy for wedding guests - ie you only invite plus ones if they're married. It's a way of keeping the numbers manageable.

Tbh, this sounds like an excuse to save money. Are we in the 17th century? Do people need to be married to be taken seriously as a couple? Do they think the couple are not thinking this is rude? Who are they kidding really...Everyone knows this attitude is to minimise money spent, maximise gifts received. Considerate people would either don't invite the couple or invite both.

VWHoliday · 02/04/2023 13:32

Tellmethespoiler · 02/04/2023 13:06

Well, yes. “Plus one” is so incredibly rude. I didn’t mind not being invited to my niece’s wedding - of course there would be space considerations. I definitely would have gone if invited. But I would expect any invitation to have my name on it. I’ve never actually heard of “plus one” on any sort of invitation in real life, thank goodness. It’s just not the done thing.

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Of course it is if you have s single friend.

VWHoliday · 02/04/2023 13:34

Tellmethespoiler · 02/04/2023 13:06

Well, yes. “Plus one” is so incredibly rude. I didn’t mind not being invited to my niece’s wedding - of course there would be space considerations. I definitely would have gone if invited. But I would expect any invitation to have my name on it. I’ve never actually heard of “plus one” on any sort of invitation in real life, thank goodness. It’s just not the done thing.

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I've never heard of someone not being invited to their Husband's Niece's wedding.

melj1213 · 02/04/2023 13:38

Tellmethespoiler · 02/04/2023 13:06

Well, yes. “Plus one” is so incredibly rude. I didn’t mind not being invited to my niece’s wedding - of course there would be space considerations. I definitely would have gone if invited. But I would expect any invitation to have my name on it. I’ve never actually heard of “plus one” on any sort of invitation in real life, thank goodness. It’s just not the done thing.

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You clearly have no idea what +1 invite is ... it's when you are inviting a "single" guest but giving them an option to bring any companion of their choice, not when you're inviting a guest where you know they have a partner, in which case they should both be named on the invitation.

So when I was still married I would always expect any invite to be "To Mr and Mrs Melj1213" as it would be assumed that I would be attending as a couple with my husband and in that case it would only be me and ExDH who could attend.

However, now we are divorced and I am currently single with no significant other if I was to be invited to a wedding then it would either be just addressed "To Melj1213" or "Melj1213 plus one". If it is the latter then this means I can take anyone with me if I don't want to attend alone. Whether that's the boyfriend I just started dating a couple of weeks before the wedding, my bff that doesn't know the bride or groom but is always up for an excuse for a fancy dinner and drinks, or my sibling who knows the B&G but isn't close enough to them to get an invite of their own - the B&G don't care who I bring with me, just that I have the option to bring someone if I should wish to. It also means if your first choice +1 can't make it then you can just swap them with someone else without being rude, unlike when ExDH and I were invited and he couldn't make it, I couldn't just swap him out for my bff in the same way as I could with a casual bf acting as a +1 as ExDH was a named invitee in his own right as opposed to being my guest.

It is something that is less common now but is something I definitely appreciate as a 30 something single person whose friends are mostly couples and who doesn't want to have to spend a day by myself if I don't know anyone else or everyone else is in couples and I don't want to be a third wheel.

SerafinasGoose · 02/04/2023 14:00

LuckySantangelo35 · 01/04/2023 08:57

I think a lot of people on here just look for any possible excuse - no matter how small or insignificant or ridiculous - in order to not go to a wedding cos they hate social events and would much rather be tucked up every night with pjs and hot choc ‘just me and my little faaaaaamily’!

if so - that’s fine. Just own it. Don’t try and blame it on the bride and groom (or mainly the bride given the insults hurled around here at the bride in OP’s situation “bitch” “bridezilla” etc)

it’s just not cool

Weddings are neither here nor there. Calling people by sexist pejoratives like 'bitch' isn't funny, acceptable or clever in any circumstances.

As far as identikit, often divisive weddings, 'hens' and baby showers - bar social events in general - are concerned, we eloped, didn't hold any of these, and I'd unapologetically prefer a good book to attending anyone else's.

It's not necessary to waste time looking for any possible excuse not to go. A simple regret-decline with all good wishes for a wonderful marriage are all that's necessary.

I fully 'own' the above: why wouldn't I? I find these events tedious and they don't interest me. To each their own.

Original poster
username98765 · 02/04/2023 14:26

RachaelN · 02/04/2023 12:13

Sounds to me like you have opened his post for a start. Cringe.

Absolutely not! He opened it and it was left on the kitchen table!

OP posts:
Original poster
username98765 · 02/04/2023 14:29

Quick update! Apparently I wasn't invited as I didn't speak to her a few weeks ago when I saw her at the pub! I don't even remember seeing her!

OP posts:
Wexone · 02/04/2023 14:32

ah for ffs that's just petty now. your well off not dealing with them from now on .

Ktime · 02/04/2023 14:35

username98765 · 02/04/2023 14:29

Quick update! Apparently I wasn't invited as I didn't speak to her a few weeks ago when I saw her at the pub! I don't even remember seeing her!

Well, as suspected, she is a knob, OP.

I hope your DP isn’t going?

GeekyThings · 02/04/2023 14:40

username98765 · 02/04/2023 14:29

Quick update! Apparently I wasn't invited as I didn't speak to her a few weeks ago when I saw her at the pub! I don't even remember seeing her!

That sounds suspicious to me. I think they've made that up, it just doesn't sound plausible at all.

Jonei · 02/04/2023 14:41

Ahh, so she's actually looking to cause trouble deliberately between you, her, and your dp. What a dick. I hope your Dp isnt going.

Beeswood · 02/04/2023 14:47

That's ridiculous! She could have spoken to you! Sounds made up.

I hope your DP doesn't go.

Bleachmycloths · 02/04/2023 14:49

username98765 · 02/04/2023 14:29

Quick update! Apparently I wasn't invited as I didn't speak to her a few weeks ago when I saw her at the pub! I don't even remember seeing her!

Classic idiocy. If she saw you, why didn’t SHE speak to YOU??
I had an aunt who said to any relative who visited “I thought you’d forgotten where we lived!” Or some other inane, illogical remark to someone who was visiting. Eventually everyone stopped going.

Bleachmycloths · 02/04/2023 14:51

Also, sounds like she’s looking for a row. Or maybe she doesn’t like you (I’m not suggesting you are not likeable!). I sincerely hope your DH doesn’t go.