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Original poster

Who invites one half of a couple to a wedding??

550 replies

username98765 · 31/03/2023 09:51

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable. My dp of 9 years has received a wedding invite today just addressed to him! The bride and groom I have known for years. The groom used to go out with my cousin but it ended with him cheating on her. That's the only reason I can think of not to be invited. I would never imagine inviting one part of a couple to a wedding! Haven't had chance to speak with my dp as he has already left for work when I'd seen it.

OP posts:
RosaBonheur · 02/04/2023 01:24

ImAGoodPerson · 01/04/2023 21:40

That's totally different, saying you can't leave a partner at home is not the same thing. I'd rather be honest and say it's too much to spend on an individual trip if that's how I felt

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I don't think anybody actually feels they can't go to a wedding and leave their partner at home, do they?

I think it boils down to just not wanting to go on your own (if your partner doesn't know the couple well) or feeling like your partner has been snubbed (if they do know the couple well).

We had a couple of people at our wedding who neither of us had ever met, because we wanted their partner to have a good time. The sky didn't fall in because there were a couple of strangers in the crowd. The sky also didn't fall in because my brother's on-again-off-again girlfriend who drives me round the bend was there.

MrsAvocet · 02/04/2023 02:02

username98765 · 31/03/2023 18:56

rsvp was 24th March!!

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So the invitation arrived after the RSVP date?
Might it be that in fact they didn't intend to invite either of you but a single person has declined so your DP has been invited to fill the gap?
I still think it's rude, but that would at least explain why only one of you is invited.

MrsGrumpyKnickers · 02/04/2023 08:16

It’s a tough one. My initial reaction is that you should both be invited. But, then I can see reasons why they may not, as many people above have already mentioned. I have a school friend getting married soon and I wouldn’t expect my husband to be invited - he doesn’t know her.
Also, a few years ago my friend was bridesmaid to her then best friend whom she had met through her husband many years before. My friend’s husband was only invited to the evening which we thought was really odd.

ImAGoodPerson · 02/04/2023 08:16

RosaBonheur · 02/04/2023 01:24

I don't think anybody actually feels they can't go to a wedding and leave their partner at home, do they?

I think it boils down to just not wanting to go on your own (if your partner doesn't know the couple well) or feeling like your partner has been snubbed (if they do know the couple well).

We had a couple of people at our wedding who neither of us had ever met, because we wanted their partner to have a good time. The sky didn't fall in because there were a couple of strangers in the crowd. The sky also didn't fall in because my brother's on-again-off-again girlfriend who drives me round the bend was there.

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I didn't think so either but that post did actually say that they couldn't leave DP at home. For a wedding I wouldn't want to, but I could. Two different things.

And yes, same here, I wouldn't invite one half of a couple either, we had a plus 1 attend who neither of us had met at our wedding in Vegas. Even more we wouldn't have considered not having anyone our guests fancied bringing TBH as its so far away. One family brought their dad along also as it was a holiday for them. Everyone got on well and had a great time. MN is pretty antisocial as a rule, I don't even mind someone calling me or knocking the door without an appointment so I probably am not the person to comment on something like this 😂

LaDamaDeElche · 02/04/2023 08:32

Yeah, that's a bit rude. Not the norm at all especially if they know you both and money isn't an issue.

Glitteratitar · 02/04/2023 09:08

I had a covid wedding. Only 13 guests allowed. My close friend assumed her husband was invited too and responded saying “they” will be there. She fell out with me when I clarified it was just her.

Judging by this thread, sounds like she was right and couples must be invited regardless of numbers. I clearly lacked any etiquette so perhaps I should have not invited my one other friend or one of my siblings to accommodate her husband who I’ve seen less than a handful of times.

IhearyouClemFandango · 02/04/2023 09:20

It isn’t regardless of numbers though. The OP is in a different position re numbers

Surfingthewaves · 02/04/2023 09:22

RosaBonheur · 01/04/2023 21:34

Oh I'm perfectly able to travel hundreds of miles by myself, sit at a dinner table with whoever the bride and groom had put me with, hang around like a lemon when other couples were dancing and then go and stay in a hotel by myself.

I just wouldn't feel it was a good use of my time or money.

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Totally agree

VWHoliday · 02/04/2023 09:24

Ticktockwoof · 01/04/2023 23:30

Laughing at all the people asking this. If I didn’t open my DH’s mail, no one would open it 😂

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This made me laugh

Some people can't get their head that some couples do things different to them.

We share finances, know each others medical history, open each others mail etc.

VWHoliday · 02/04/2023 09:25

Head around

Glitteratitar · 02/04/2023 09:25

IhearyouClemFandango · 02/04/2023 09:20

It isn’t regardless of numbers though. The OP is in a different position re numbers

Not really - many posters on this thread don’t care about the numbers but believe both should be invited regardless of numbers. That the bride and groom should have taken a couple into account that a married couple must have two places when deciding who to invite rather than deciding who they would rather have there.

Clearly I had no manners or etiquette because I didn’t invite my friend’s husband and prioritised my siblings and another friend.

L3ThirtySeven · 02/04/2023 09:28

A wedding should be who you want. There is no obligation to invite and wine/dine all the +1s of your closest relatives and friends. I’ve been to tons of weddings & receptions without my husband as has he. It’s pretty normal in my circle.

Glitteratitar · 02/04/2023 09:28

Glitteratitar · 02/04/2023 09:25

Not really - many posters on this thread don’t care about the numbers but believe both should be invited regardless of numbers. That the bride and groom should have taken a couple into account that a married couple must have two places when deciding who to invite rather than deciding who they would rather have there.

Clearly I had no manners or etiquette because I didn’t invite my friend’s husband and prioritised my siblings and another friend.

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And clearly, my friend getting pissed off that I didn’t invite her husband to my 13 guest wedding was right to do so, according to this thread!

Maireas · 02/04/2023 09:31

@Glitteratitar I do think that a covid wedding is exceptional.

Glitteratitar · 02/04/2023 09:34

Maireas · 02/04/2023 09:31

@Glitteratitar I do think that a covid wedding is exceptional.

You would think, but as is obvious on this thread, most people who insist both half of a couple must be invited don’t care about any limitations on numbers and believe it should be both or none. And clearly my now ex friend was justified in responding the way she did, according to MN.

Maireas · 02/04/2023 09:38

She's no friend. Everyone understood the limits with Covid.

VWHoliday · 02/04/2023 09:40

Glitteratitar · 02/04/2023 09:34

You would think, but as is obvious on this thread, most people who insist both half of a couple must be invited don’t care about any limitations on numbers and believe it should be both or none. And clearly my now ex friend was justified in responding the way she did, according to MN.

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It's not just on MN though.

Glitteratitar · 02/04/2023 09:42

VWHoliday · 02/04/2023 09:40

It's not just on MN though.

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Apart from her, I’ve never come across another person outside of MN who believes it should be both or none.

VWHoliday · 02/04/2023 09:42

I would want my friends to have the best time at my Wedding so would invite their partners.

VWHoliday · 02/04/2023 09:43

Glitteratitar · 02/04/2023 09:42

Apart from her, I’ve never come across another person outside of MN who believes it should be both or none.

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We have never been invited to a Wedding without each other. So it's not just on MN.

Glitteratitar · 02/04/2023 09:44

Maireas · 02/04/2023 09:38

She's no friend. Everyone understood the limits with Covid.

I know. It’s been a few years but still disappointed that she stopped talking to me over a wedding invite, completely ignoring the 15 years of friendship we had behind us. But this thread shows how common her point of view is.

Glitteratitar · 02/04/2023 09:45

VWHoliday · 02/04/2023 09:42

I would want my friends to have the best time at my Wedding so would invite their partners.

So what should I have done? Not invited one of my siblings or not invited the one other friend I invited, so that she could bring her husband.

VWHoliday · 02/04/2023 09:45

Glitteratitar · 02/04/2023 09:44

I know. It’s been a few years but still disappointed that she stopped talking to me over a wedding invite, completely ignoring the 15 years of friendship we had behind us. But this thread shows how common her point of view is.

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She was a twat for falling out with you in your circumstances

Maireas · 02/04/2023 09:47

Glitteratitar · 02/04/2023 09:44

I know. It’s been a few years but still disappointed that she stopped talking to me over a wedding invite, completely ignoring the 15 years of friendship we had behind us. But this thread shows how common her point of view is.

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I think that's awful of her, I really do, and very selfish.
However, in regular circumstances, a married couple do get invited together. It's not about being joined at the hip/socially incapable/whatever, it's just courteous. However, weddings are expensive, so maybe if that's explained beforehand it would be better.

GullibleMuM · 02/04/2023 09:56

Definitely ok to not invite partners in order to have the people you want there. However, we tried to find a venue that had enough space so we could invite partners and kids. But I have been to plenty of weddings which are no partners for people from work, and instead the people from work all sit together. Or with a group of friends, all friends together but no partners. I think good friends would understand the needs of their friends wedding. If they don’t, they aren’t a good friend!