Who invites one half of a couple to a wedding??

[username98765]

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable. My dp of 9 years has received a wedding invite today just addressed to him! The bride and groom I have known for years. The groom used to go out with my cousin but it ended with him cheating on her. That's the only reason I can think of not to be invited. I would never imagine inviting one part of a couple to a wedding! Haven't had chance to speak with my dp as he has already left for work when I'd seen it.

I’m glad I’m not the only one to say this. Plus, I have no interest in going to my DH’s old Uni roommates 2nd wedding and making small talk with a bunch of Uni friends all reminiscing about Uni parties, festivals and their shenanigans. Or to a wedding of a work colleague. Can’t think of much that is less fun other than perhaps the dentist or a smear.

Your wedding was in covid where numbers were cut to that absolute minimum. Hardly the same times, where people would only expect you to invite a teeny tiny group of very closest family / friends only.

Normal everyday standards can't be judged by standards given in covid.

The weddings I went to before I was married usually invited with a "plus one" if you weren't married. So you could decide who to take with you. I think this was really nice.

@Glitteratitar

This is just being pedantic. You are talking about a COMPLETELY different time. Of COURSE it was OK to only invite your 'close friend' and not her partner, during bloody covid. And anyone being huffy and butthurt about their partner not being invited to anything when only tiny numbers were allowed ANYwhere is ludicrous. That's if this actually even happened, and you're not just making it up just to be pedantic (and to try and make a 'point.')

I know some people who died during the toughest and strictest part of covid, and only their adult children were allowed to the funeral. (And with 3 or 4 of them, a couple of spouses were allowed.) Two women had 5 and 6 adult children, and none of their spouses or young adult grandchildren were allowed - some in their teens and 20s. Not even their siblings or nieces and nephews or ANYone was allowed. Only their middle aged adult children were allowed. Everyone knew why and no-one complained. So I find it hard to believe your story about your huffy 'friend.'

We are NOT in lockdown now, and it IS possible to invite anyone you want to to your wedding. There is no limit. Inviting someone, and not their partner/spouse who they have been with for some years is poor etiquette, and rude. Invite both, or none.

@DannyZukosSmile - spot on.

It was nice, wasn't it? I remember being the plus one for a friend and having a lovely day.

Yes, that’s right. Because it’s hard to believe people can be so entitled, I must be making it up.

She didn’t come in the end. I invited someone else in her place. She refused to come without her husband, and then she claimed they were scared of covid so couldn’t come. I posted about it here at the time. Can’t remember the username I used but feel free to search.

But of course you would claim that a thread I made 2.5 years ago was fake and prepared with the intention of relying on it in a thread like like this…because that’s easier than accepting than accepting that people get “huffy” over a wedding.

Oh, there I was thinking you were empathetic to my posts but actually you agree it was made up.

Wow.

Not at all. I think you have misunderstood. I was and am, completely sympathetic to your situation and I think your friend was horrible.
I was agreeing with that poster on their other point, about the difficulty with covid.
Perhaps I should have made that clear. I do not agree with them that your post was fiction.
I hope that clarifies.

That was more common many years ago. But many years ago weddings were significantly cheaper - most were religious ceremonies held in churches and were free, and open to everyone in the local area, same as funerals or baptisms. Then the after party was usually fairly simple, you'd rent a local hall and put on a buffet, we even used to make the food ourselves a lot of the time. So numbers didn't matter so much, there weren't designated seats, and it didn't cost hundreds of pounds per head.

Saying that, it's been fairly common practice at the weddings I've been going to for at least the last 25 years for work colleagues and general acquaintances to not have a plus one on the invitation. I've never known anyone to be annoyed by this, it seems to be the norm around here.

Apologies. I got a bit defensive when accused of making it up. It caused me a lot of upset at the time so I went on defensive mode.

Not at all. I think that the whole situation must have been very upsetting and stressful.

It may well be their wedding and their choice - but it's rude and hurtful nevertheless.

@GeekyThings - I think you're right, that's what weddings were like when I was younger and well into adulthood. They were family events, children were invited, relatives, friends and everyone had a plus one. If you were on a budget, a grandma or auntie would help with a modest buffet. I do think that weddings are different and there's a whole industry involved. Less about giving a couple a send off into married life, really.

No you are not being unreasonable . However I do see two sides to this from experience. My husband wanted to invite one of his friends without his partner to our wedding, I hadn’t met her but I knew of her and told my husband it was unthinkable to invite someone without their partner. My husband said she was a
“ nightmare “ but agree to invite them both . Long story short , the partner got drunk , was rude ( even to me) was a total man eater and flung herself at all the
(unavailable) men.
would I do the same again and invite her , yes because it’s the decent thing to do. Nobody is responsible for another adult.
Back to you, you have every right to feel affronted you are a couple and as such come as a pair ( unless it’s your choice no to) .
My husband definitely would not go and have no problem with telling them why.

@Glitteratitar I don't honestly believe that's the case because of the special circumstances of covid. In your case your friend was extremely unreasonable. But under normal circumstances then yes, it would be "best practice" and expected to invite her DH unless it was a very small, registry office type wedding with a restaurant lunch rather than an actual catered "do".

I know, but as is obvious by this thread and also my friend, some people think both or none, no matter the circumstances, and that it is a massive offence to only invite one.

My wedding ended up being just a simple ceremony and a lunch, but still the entitlement was there.

Sounds to me like you have opened his post for a start. Cringe.

This is absolutely rude. “WeLl tHey cAN iNvITe wHo thEy LiKe” well yes they can but they’re bloody rude and embarrassing.
OP your husband shoukd t go either after them being so rude to you. And DOJT send a card!!

It’s not rude. For a wedding you can send invites your guest list and you simply note +1 permitted if partners are invited or you leave it off if you only want the guests themselves. What’s rude is to feel entitled to an invitation to the wedding of someone you barely know and only then through a partner or mutual friend.

Some couples do this. Completely normal.

Exactly! And that's why the etiquette has changed - most couples now live together before marriage, so instead of toasters and kettles they get cash, which is no longer rude to ask for, or give. Weddings are now held in manor houses and repurposed barns, or overseas, at high cost with number limitations, so the guest lists have changed and it's no longer rude to not include children or plus ones of acquaintances. It's also no longer a complete social faux pas to decide not to attend a wedding, either, if you're unhappy about any of the arrangements.

I don't think people should really complain about the new etiquette that's come about because of it, as we're all complicit in how it's changed because this is what we've decided we want.

OP didn’t open his post. He opened it and put the opened invite on the kitchen table.

That's true, @GeekyThings . Although you still have the performance proposals and the spectacle of the big white wedding. I went to one in a big church, the father crying as he gave his daughter away, and during his speech later in. She'd been living with the bloke for years and had a couple of kids. Weird.

Later on, sorry