Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who invites one half of a couple to a wedding??

550 replies

username98765 · 31/03/2023 09:51

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable. My dp of 9 years has received a wedding invite today just addressed to him! The bride and groom I have known for years. The groom used to go out with my cousin but it ended with him cheating on her. That's the only reason I can think of not to be invited. I would never imagine inviting one part of a couple to a wedding! Haven't had chance to speak with my dp as he has already left for work when I'd seen it.

OP posts:
DrMadelineMaxwell · 01/04/2023 20:45

DH's niece has invited me to the full wedding, but him and my DC to the evening do only.

There's logic there though, if you knew us all. :)

Tellmethespoiler · 01/04/2023 20:45

Bleachmycloths · 01/04/2023 20:18

Insulting. if my DP or DH went alone I’d feel humiliated and I would find it hard to forgive.
Your partner should reply with something like “Many thanks for the invitation but I can’t leave DP on her own. We shall send a card and a wedding present and hope you have a fabulous day.”
Then see what they say.

That’s just pathetic. What an embarrassing thing to say. Just awful.

Tellmethespoiler · 01/04/2023 20:51

RosaBonheur · 01/04/2023 20:12

Of course it's rude. It's a sign that the bride and groom don't really give a shit whether their guest has a good time at their wedding.

Show quote history

How do you work that one out? Obviously, the person who goes will know people! That’s the whole point. He gets invited because he knows them. My Dh went to his niece’s wedding. I didn’t. He obviously knows well the bride, the bride’s parents (his sister and her husband), his nephews (bride’s brothers), etc etc. Of course he has a good time with the people he knows.

Sparks240v · 01/04/2023 21:01

Personally speaking, home alone is heaven.

AllyArty · 01/04/2023 21:01

I don’t know what their thinking is behind their decision not to invite you but I think it’s a horrible thing to do and says more about them than u. Your partner could just reply and say ‘thank u for your invite but unfortunately we are unable to attend’. That way they will never know if you both realised that u were excluded and u can hold your head high.

RosaBonheur · 01/04/2023 21:09

Tellmethespoiler · 01/04/2023 20:51

How do you work that one out? Obviously, the person who goes will know people! That’s the whole point. He gets invited because he knows them. My Dh went to his niece’s wedding. I didn’t. He obviously knows well the bride, the bride’s parents (his sister and her husband), his nephews (bride’s brothers), etc etc. Of course he has a good time with the people he knows.

Show quote history

I wouldn't want to go to a wedding without my other half whether I knew other guests or not. Especially if travelling a long way or staying in a hotel. As many others have said, you want me to come and celebrate your relationship but you won't acknowledge mine? Hard pass.

But the only wedding I've ever been invited to without my husband was one where I didn't actually know any of the other guests, and it was a long way away and on a weekday, and the bride actually seemed surprised and offended when I didn't go.

RosaBonheur · 01/04/2023 21:11

And in any case, @Tellmethespoiler, the OP does know this couple. She's known them for years. So it is at best very rude and at worst a deliberate snub. Her partner should decline the invitation.

Skybluepinky · 01/04/2023 21:16

This happens a lot, don’t overthink it, they may be limited to numbers.

Bleachmycloths · 01/04/2023 21:17

Tellmethespoiler · 01/04/2023 20:45

That’s just pathetic. What an embarrassing thing to say. Just awful.

Show quote history

What’s pathetic?

ImAGoodPerson · 01/04/2023 21:28

Bleachmycloths · 01/04/2023 21:17

What’s pathetic?

Show quote history

Well it's pretty odd if you are unable to leave a partner at home TBH. Personally I wouldn't not invite partners to a wedding but find the thought of not being able to leave my DP at home alone a bit pathetic. I totally understand wanting to spend a wedding together esp if a daytime invite but we're both capable of bring left alone.

RuthieIVF · 01/04/2023 21:29

You’re not married I presume….Weddings are so expensive. They wouldn’t just give you £50-£100 cash so why would they spend that on a wedding guest they aren’t proper friends with? Enjoy the day/night to yourself at home! Don’t take it so personally

RosaBonheur · 01/04/2023 21:34

ImAGoodPerson · 01/04/2023 21:28

Well it's pretty odd if you are unable to leave a partner at home TBH. Personally I wouldn't not invite partners to a wedding but find the thought of not being able to leave my DP at home alone a bit pathetic. I totally understand wanting to spend a wedding together esp if a daytime invite but we're both capable of bring left alone.

Show quote history

Oh I'm perfectly able to travel hundreds of miles by myself, sit at a dinner table with whoever the bride and groom had put me with, hang around like a lemon when other couples were dancing and then go and stay in a hotel by myself.

I just wouldn't feel it was a good use of my time or money.

Lndnmummy · 01/04/2023 21:36

StreamingCervix · 31/03/2023 09:58

You say dp, are you married?

I can recall a celebrity wedding trend that’s started, that basically says that unmarried couples wouldn’t be seen as a ‘unit’ so may not receive a double invite automatically. It’s a bit confusing though as obviously they didn’t consider that pre their own wedding day, they would have been an ‘unmarried couple’

I think this sort of thing is hilarious. DP and I have been together for more than 20 years. Some of our friends are on their second marriages now. Makes me chuckle how some of them seem to think they are more committed as they are 'married'. Yes love, but I have seen two of your 'to death do us part' last shorter than our non marriage🤣.

ImAGoodPerson · 01/04/2023 21:40

RosaBonheur · 01/04/2023 21:34

Oh I'm perfectly able to travel hundreds of miles by myself, sit at a dinner table with whoever the bride and groom had put me with, hang around like a lemon when other couples were dancing and then go and stay in a hotel by myself.

I just wouldn't feel it was a good use of my time or money.

Show quote history

That's totally different, saying you can't leave a partner at home is not the same thing. I'd rather be honest and say it's too much to spend on an individual trip if that's how I felt

Apricotjoy · 01/04/2023 21:59

I think it's very rude. I would definitely want to know why and I would probably distance myself from them afterwards.

changeme4this · 01/04/2023 22:28

Gosh that is a late invite, I wonder if you both were on a back up list and one spot became available, with it being the grooms turn to pick who filled it?

either or, yes I think it’s rude in addition to the very short notice. If it were us, I wouldn’t go if DH wasn’t included.

bakebeans · 01/04/2023 22:38

No YANBU. That's weird. You've known them for 9 years and only husband invite?

Bleachmycloths · 01/04/2023 22:52

ImAGoodPerson · 01/04/2023 21:28

Well it's pretty odd if you are unable to leave a partner at home TBH. Personally I wouldn't not invite partners to a wedding but find the thought of not being able to leave my DP at home alone a bit pathetic. I totally understand wanting to spend a wedding together esp if a daytime invite but we're both capable of bring left alone.

Show quote history

My suggestion was for the OP, not you. It’s pathetic to you who clearly doesn’t need any suggestions but not for the OP who is affected because she seems upset that the invitation doesn’t include her. I agree with the poster who says “Come and celebrate our relationship even though we don’t acknowledge yours.”

ImAGoodPerson · 01/04/2023 22:54

Bleachmycloths · 01/04/2023 22:52

My suggestion was for the OP, not you. It’s pathetic to you who clearly doesn’t need any suggestions but not for the OP who is affected because she seems upset that the invitation doesn’t include her. I agree with the poster who says “Come and celebrate our relationship even though we don’t acknowledge yours.”

Show quote history

I agree with you 100% re the acknowledgement of the relationship but surely just say you can't make it and move on.

Ticktockwoof · 01/04/2023 23:30

NotQuiteHere · 31/03/2023 11:48

Do you open your DP mail?

Laughing at all the people asking this. If I didn’t open my DH’s mail, no one would open it 😂

gloriawasright · 01/04/2023 23:39

Ratataty · 31/03/2023 10:03

My husband's cousin has just invited him and my eldest child to his wedding. We've been married 22 years and have 3 adult/teenage kids. Do I care? No, they're a lovely couple, known him since he was a kid but it's their celebration, their money, I'm happy for them. I think you need to give your head a wobble.

I don't understand this at all.
They are inviting your dh and oldest child rather than you and your dh?
Do you and your eldest child have the same name and you have misunderstood the invite 🤷‍♂️
Not only have you been excluded ,but your other two children have been too .
Did they hold a lottery or something for the invites ?

Teatime55 · 01/04/2023 23:48

DH had to go to a wedding on his own last year as I had to stay home with autistic DD. He was bored out of his mind. I probably would be the same. If I was 22 and drinking with other younger people I would be more than happy. The older I get in noisy environments I don’t want to sit with strangers shouting conversations.

I think people can invite who they like and people can decide not to go. Generally I wouldn’t be happy with time/money spent on one person going especially as hotel rooms are often nearly as expensive for one, petrol is the same etc. Often cost cutting by the bride/groom is passed on to someone else.

Sodullincomparison · 02/04/2023 00:05

I once received an invite to a close friend’s wedding and my boyfriend didn’t. I was only learning to drive at the time and it was in a very remote location - five hours away- so had to send an apology card. Sad but no hard feelings on it.

an invite arrived for him but at the wedding it turns out that it was communicated to friends that I’d refused to go without him.
we were put on a random table away from my other close friends.

weddings and invitations are a minefield which is why we eloped!!

CKL987 · 02/04/2023 00:36

I have been invited to ex colleague's wedding on my own. I'm pleased my DH isn't invited as I wouldn't want to have to take him and make sure he is OK with people be doesn't know. I just want to have fun with my friends. DH is totally happy with it.

OrangePencil · 02/04/2023 01:13

I would just cut them some slack and stop overthinking it. When we were planning our wedding, the guest list was by far the most stressful part because we didn't want to upset or offend anyone, but it also didn't feel right to shape our plans around keeping other people happy (because we couldn't afford all partners, so had to make some tough calls).

I lost count how many evenings I spend trying to get the budget to work, googling wedding etiquette, consulting with close friends. In the end we invited partners we knew and didn't invite those we'd never met, unless the person invited didn't know any other guests. Sadly one extended family member still kicked off and repeatedly asked if their partner could come. TBH I was actually quite upset they thought their own needs were more important than ours. In the end we said the partner could come because we had other stuff to focus on, but I was quite offended by it all.