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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What to do about Nanny

349 replies

Dilemma19 · 30/03/2023 15:08

Hi all, just looking for advice. We are a household of 5, 2 primary aged children and 10month old.
We have employed a housekeeper, nanny to assist us on a FT basis. I have some recent health issues with flare ups and struggled to keep up with home and kids. I'm a sahm, dh works and travels alot but is very hands on. The problem is the person has such a bad, awful attitude. She is perfectly fine until you need to ask her to do something your way or correct her about something and then the atmosphere at home is just awful. Another issue is that she is meant to help with my little one but she makes me feel under pressure to do what I need quickly and take the baby back. The problem is that it has taken forever to find someone and I'm really stuck without the additional help. It came to a bit of a head yesterday and I've been thinking about this and quite upset. Her contract states that we can request babysitting with notice. The last 3 times I asked her she couldn't do it. So yesterday I asked her again for next weekend and she firmly told me that she is never able because she has another job. So I brought up that, this was something that we were specific about and she has now changed the terms. Dh is away so that's why I asked her and yet again she isn't available. She spoke to me so so rudely, very arrogant as well. What would you do or how would you approach this?

OP posts:
TheWayOfTheWorld · 30/03/2023 15:09

Her name doesn't begin with a J does it? I had someone like that...

ladykale · 30/03/2023 15:10

How come you have struggled to find someone so much? Are you offering too low a salary or do you live somewhere remote.

Fire her and find someone new.

Use an agency if you have to!

Timealonewhatsthat · 30/03/2023 15:10

Get rid of her

Sistanotcista · 30/03/2023 15:11

Agree with the "get rid" comments. Life's too short. Use an agency, find someone good, pay properly.

ladykale · 30/03/2023 15:11

But if the does this "Another issue is that she is meant to help with my little one but she makes me feel under pressure to do what I need quickly and take the baby back."

What's actually the point of paying to have her around?

Ridiculous

Elvisrockstar · 30/03/2023 15:12

Get rid. It will get worse not better.

Chamomileteaplease · 30/03/2023 15:13

Her awful attitude, rudeness and her not doing what you need is surely enough to get rid of her?!

As others have said, what are the reasons do you think that you found it so difficult to find someone? Perhaps tackle that next?

Viviennemary · 30/03/2023 15:14

She just isn't meeting your requirements. I would wait till your DH gets back and sit her down and say this isn't working. If you employ another person make it more specific as in one evening babysitting a month with time off in lieu or paid. I think your nanny sounds a bit unco-operative, entitled and a bit cheeky.

unfortunateevents · 30/03/2023 15:15

Well she's not helping you and also stressing you out in your own home so I don't know how things could be worse without her at the moment? I would get rid of her asap. If you can indicate why it has been difficult to find someone I am sure people on here can make some useful suggestions?

Original poster
Dilemma19 · 30/03/2023 15:17

ladykale · 30/03/2023 15:10

How come you have struggled to find someone so much? Are you offering too low a salary or do you live somewhere remote.

Fire her and find someone new.

Use an agency if you have to!

We have her through an agency, this was the last route as every other person was just awful in other ways - unreliable, no experience with kids even though their resume stated so, etc.

We are paying her almost 4k which is completely in line for our area, but for the work and help she provides it's not worth it. My dc are out the house 5 days a week, they do clubs which are thankfully at school so not really at home during the week that much. So if she does a thorough clean the entire day on a Monday I struggle to see what she is doing the rest of the week because she is always busy. I can't ask her what she is busy with because she gets so angry. Dh is away this week, I'm having a flare up and baby is teethjng, I needed her for the school run and help at home.

OP posts:
Augustone · 30/03/2023 15:17

Sounds like she is dictating the terms and conditions here and you are just going along with it because you are too scared to rock the boat. She is taking advantage of this and the more you give in to her, the more she is going to do it.

Please look at alternative arrangements as soon as you can and give her the boot. You don't need such a grumpy lazy individual in your family's life.

Cosyblankets · 30/03/2023 15:21

If you got her through an agency can't you ask them to replace her.
She's setting the agenda her

Original poster
Dilemma19 · 30/03/2023 15:24

She is dictating because she knows I am so reliant on her. Having a flare up this week and feeling very vulnerable so I'm feeling especially taken advantage of. I needed a pair of hands to help me this week. We have no family nearby to help out. I asked her about never being available for babysitting and she told me 'Listen here, I work for you for 5 days so I don't explain my time to you outside of that' Would you really speak to your employer or anyone like that?
If I do approach her and she decides not to come back then what do I do? Im literally stuck, kids won't get to school, etc.

OP posts:
EuripidesEumenides · 30/03/2023 15:26

Not sure I follow how a contract term that just allows you to request something helps with or adds anything. What would not having that term actually change in practice?

Anyway agree with all the "get rids" especially if you are still in the window to get a refund from the agency.

unfortunateevents · 30/03/2023 15:28

She sounds truly dreadful. If you have £4k to spend, could you arrange a taxi service to school for your children? Or throw yourself on the mercy of other mums who live in your area? Then get a cleaner or cleaners for as much time as you need to take care of the house. I would also feed back to agency how awful she is with examples of how she has spoken to you. And get rid of her! I presume you also paid the agency a fee to find this nanny so depending on how long she has been with you you may be able to get some of it back.

mamnotmum · 30/03/2023 15:35

When you say you are paying her £4K - £4K a month?! For how many hours?

alyceflowers · 30/03/2023 15:35

If the contract term is just that you can request something then I can't see what she has done wrong. You can't dictate her free time.

If you want someone to be available for x amount of babysitting then you need to agree and pay for their time.

TottyKnickers · 30/03/2023 15:38

Dilemma19 · 30/03/2023 15:17

We have her through an agency, this was the last route as every other person was just awful in other ways - unreliable, no experience with kids even though their resume stated so, etc.

We are paying her almost 4k which is completely in line for our area, but for the work and help she provides it's not worth it. My dc are out the house 5 days a week, they do clubs which are thankfully at school so not really at home during the week that much. So if she does a thorough clean the entire day on a Monday I struggle to see what she is doing the rest of the week because she is always busy. I can't ask her what she is busy with because she gets so angry. Dh is away this week, I'm having a flare up and baby is teethjng, I needed her for the school run and help at home.

Show quote history

You must be in London. Sack her and I will do it 👍🏻

TottyKnickers · 30/03/2023 15:38

And complain to the Agency

alyceflowers · 30/03/2023 15:41

I think the problem you have is that your job isn't very attractive.

Housekeepers generally don't really want to do childcare and babysitting.
Nannies don't want to do housework and don't want to do odd bits of childcare for a SAHM.

I'd split the roles up.
Get a housekeeper/cleaner for a few hours depending on your needs.
Put your baby with a childminder or nursery a few hours a day/days a week.
Use the Bubble app to find a couple of regular babysitters.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 30/03/2023 15:41

Can you not hire a cleaner?
Then think about what child related help you need?
Could the baby go to nursery? Or would an au pair work in terms of the running around after the school aged ones?

neilyoungismyhero · 30/03/2023 15:41

4k????jeez I'm in the Midlands and I'll do it!

NoNoNadaNo · 30/03/2023 15:41

£4k a month OP? Sack her, I'll do it and will respond to requests with a big 'yes sir, 3 bags full sir' attitude. What an entitled b*tch!

NoNoNadaNo · 30/03/2023 15:43

... Also, have you thought about getting yourself a support worker and then also getting a cleaner? Support worker will be to support whatever your needs are, so if that's picking your kids up or helping you with baby, they'll do that.

escapingthecity · 30/03/2023 15:44

Agree with @alyceflowers. If you have a cleaner come twice a week they can keep on top of the house and do laundry etc. If you have a nanny they can focus on pick ups and tea for the kids.