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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What to do about Nanny

349 replies

Dilemma19 · 30/03/2023 15:08

Hi all, just looking for advice. We are a household of 5, 2 primary aged children and 10month old.
We have employed a housekeeper, nanny to assist us on a FT basis. I have some recent health issues with flare ups and struggled to keep up with home and kids. I'm a sahm, dh works and travels alot but is very hands on. The problem is the person has such a bad, awful attitude. She is perfectly fine until you need to ask her to do something your way or correct her about something and then the atmosphere at home is just awful. Another issue is that she is meant to help with my little one but she makes me feel under pressure to do what I need quickly and take the baby back. The problem is that it has taken forever to find someone and I'm really stuck without the additional help. It came to a bit of a head yesterday and I've been thinking about this and quite upset. Her contract states that we can request babysitting with notice. The last 3 times I asked her she couldn't do it. So yesterday I asked her again for next weekend and she firmly told me that she is never able because she has another job. So I brought up that, this was something that we were specific about and she has now changed the terms. Dh is away so that's why I asked her and yet again she isn't available. She spoke to me so so rudely, very arrogant as well. What would you do or how would you approach this?

OP posts:
alyceflowers · 31/03/2023 20:02

Dilemma19 · 31/03/2023 19:14

I have always asked for babysitting (with notice) as per our contract. She has to date never been available regardless of how far in advance I ask, because she took on another job without letting us know. It was stated that a weekend where dh is away, she works one of those days babysitting. She agreed to that, but was never available!

This is an extremely easy job, she was paid to be available. I'm in an area where this salary is completely normal- others are paying even more. In my dc school, kids are sent with their nannies to school by the family driver who is literally parked at home to take the family out wherever they need to go. Just to paint a picture as why this salary isn't so unbelievable.

The salary is fine but you're deluding yourself if you think this is a lovely easy job.

Most nannies/housekeepers would hate being in a role where you are mostly paid to just be 'on hand' for a SAHM to handover the bits she doesn't want to do.
There are plenty of £50k jobs available where either the housekeeper would be free to manage their time and get all their work done how and when they like, or for nannies where parents are hands-off and let them go out and about with the baby.

alyceflowers · 31/03/2023 20:05

saraclara · 30/03/2023 23:00

You sound very hard working and professional. But OPs nanny house keeper isn't working anything like those hours and nor is she doing much of a job. Yet she's getting £4k and OP says that's the going rate for the hours and the role that she has.

Show quote history

Lots of nannies are ex-teachers or have PGCEs.
I was an early years teacher, and whenever people have commented to me that nannying isn't a real job/career, I point out I earn loads more now than I did teaching, take no work home, no Ofsted and no stress!

rosefaces · 31/03/2023 20:13

I think for 4 k most people would suck it up tbh.

Some people dream only of making that kind of money and need to do far far worse than this.

Nannies are overpaid and because of this they become cocky and spoiled.

Most people literally need to eat shit and make less money. But not the sacred nannies right. How dare the sacred nanny actually have to do some work when asked.

alyceflowers · 31/03/2023 20:28

rosefaces · 31/03/2023 20:13

I think for 4 k most people would suck it up tbh.

Some people dream only of making that kind of money and need to do far far worse than this.

Nannies are overpaid and because of this they become cocky and spoiled.

Most people literally need to eat shit and make less money. But not the sacred nannies right. How dare the sacred nanny actually have to do some work when asked.

Why would you suck it up if you don't need to?

If other people want to become nannies and earn £4k, they should.

Tigger1895 · 31/03/2023 20:29

You would be better paying for a cleaner and advertising for a mothers help on another site. There’s plenty of mature women/grandmothers who would be more than happy to help you out for a cash payment. I see it daily on FB

Circe7 · 31/03/2023 20:30

I agree it’s maybe the hybrid role which is problematic but it does seem like there should be people around who have the skills of helping to look after children and cleaning for that kind of salary. A cleaner who is a mum and who has a decent attitude could probably do this job and it would be a huge pay rise. There are so many jobs which are much harder / more boring for about half the pay. I could probably have done this as a gap year student.

Greyingmumto3 · 31/03/2023 20:31

mozzierella · 31/03/2023 19:55

I would like to hear rhe lady's side of the story

There's more to this

I hope she's a mumsnetter

from the op update I wouldn’t be surprised if she hadn’t seen it
i was a nanny before having my own children - some great employers, some not
I occasionally think about going back to it ( especially when I see the current rates of pay ) I know in reality I don’t have the energy or patience anymore though
This position sounds like she didn’t really know what her job was . I wouldn’t have enjoyed sitting in someone’s house all day waiting to be useful either , although it definitely doesn’t excuse her attitude

Phoebo · 31/03/2023 20:42

Get rid of her

ChateauMargaux · 31/03/2023 20:56

Please do give a reference:

Mary Bloggs was employed to be a housekeeper and mothers help, working 40 hours per week at a rate of 4,000 per month. She started on 01.03.2023 and left without notice on 31.03.2023. In that time, she failed to comply with her contractual obligations of being available for babysitting with agreed notice, she failed to provide the mother's help that was specified in the interview and the contact and was difficult to work with.

shellyjules · 31/03/2023 20:56

These are major red flags. Do not continue to employ this nanny. With an attitude like this is would be concerned about her being present with my children. Get rid of her now.

Rumplestrumpet · 31/03/2023 21:11

OP I have a full time nanny/housekeeper and I think you've just found a dud. Our amazing nanny is like a perfect wife - she cooks and cleans during the daytime, and she's amazing with the kids from 3.30 onwards. It took a while at first for us to get used to each other, but we've got into a groove and the whole family loves her.

It's not easy to find thr perfect match, but you certainly should be able to find better than this one. Hopefully a more granular contract next time will help.

Good luck and I hope your health improves

Kanaloa · 31/03/2023 21:23

mozzierella · 31/03/2023 19:55

I would like to hear rhe lady's side of the story

There's more to this

I hope she's a mumsnetter

I think this. Especially since op says nobody has been up to the job. On one hand she says she pays extremely well and the job is ‘very easy.’ But if it’s well paid and easy it seems suspicious that she can’t get anyone to do it.

Gh12345 · 31/03/2023 21:32

I think you should let her go, it’s not working. However I think you should be more open minded about applicants and what you think makes them ‘perfect’. Try and go with someone who you think would be wonderful with your kids and nice. Not everyone’s going to have tonnes of experience.

Dibbydoos · 31/03/2023 21:59

Report to the Agency and get them to fire her. Ask agency for cvs of new help. £4k per month is a good income to do nothing abd have an attitude about it.

Good luck OP. X

angela99999 · 31/03/2023 22:00

Kanaloa · 31/03/2023 21:23

I think this. Especially since op says nobody has been up to the job. On one hand she says she pays extremely well and the job is ‘very easy.’ But if it’s well paid and easy it seems suspicious that she can’t get anyone to do it.

Show quote history

I think it's simply down to where the OP lives. Nanny's salaries are high anyway, and even higher in London where I think she lives. Most nannies don't want to do housework (other than that directly involving the children).
More than ten years ago my daughter had a straight nannying job in central London in a house with two school-aged children, a cleaner, a housekeeper, a cook and two chauffeurs. She was untrained and earning more than £40k a year with cash in hand for any hours over the normal day (8 hours). She had the use of a car and chauffeur for taking the children to school and taking them out to meet their mother when required.

Fernticket · 31/03/2023 22:01

Sack her!!

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/03/2023 22:20

I do love it when people DONT read op replies

Sack her

Let her go

Etx

The nanny has left the building !!!

tempester28 · 31/03/2023 22:27

It hasn't worked out for you and you need to find the right person.

FurElsie · 31/03/2023 22:33

alyceflowers · 30/03/2023 15:41

I think the problem you have is that your job isn't very attractive.

Housekeepers generally don't really want to do childcare and babysitting.
Nannies don't want to do housework and don't want to do odd bits of childcare for a SAHM.

I'd split the roles up.
Get a housekeeper/cleaner for a few hours depending on your needs.
Put your baby with a childminder or nursery a few hours a day/days a week.
Use the Bubble app to find a couple of regular babysitters.

Agree with this

saltlakes · 31/03/2023 22:54

rosefaces · 31/03/2023 20:13

I think for 4 k most people would suck it up tbh.

Some people dream only of making that kind of money and need to do far far worse than this.

Nannies are overpaid and because of this they become cocky and spoiled.

Most people literally need to eat shit and make less money. But not the sacred nannies right. How dare the sacred nanny actually have to do some work when asked.

Come to London and do it then! Everyone says that but no one really will, because the fantasy of the "easy" salary pops when you consider London living costs and lifestyle. That's why it's nigh impossible hiring for such roles in London post Brexit at the moment, from personal experience.

saltlakes · 31/03/2023 22:55

Not to take away from your point but I also don't think anyone is literally eating shit at work. Sounds like a bit of a health and safety breach.

Grumpusaurus · 31/03/2023 23:22

Sack her! You can always get some agency help while looking for a replacement.

TriciaA1991 · 31/03/2023 23:41

Hope you find someone who actually wants to work and is kind, and more kindnes on here xx

T1Dmama · 01/04/2023 01:12

I would tell her that unless she does school runs and looks after the baby she won’t be paid ! As simple as that!…. You are her boss and she should be doing as asked. Surely her contract states she can’t have a second job??
The other options is to call the agency and complain and let them speak to her, ask them to remind her that she employer by you !

Riverr · 01/04/2023 07:55

😕 interesting post but there are always two sides to a story 🙄 would love to hear the nanny's view on it all 🤔

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