Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 9 10 11 12 13 14

Original poster

What to do about Nanny

349 replies

Dilemma19 · 30/03/2023 15:08

Hi all, just looking for advice. We are a household of 5, 2 primary aged children and 10month old.
We have employed a housekeeper, nanny to assist us on a FT basis. I have some recent health issues with flare ups and struggled to keep up with home and kids. I'm a sahm, dh works and travels alot but is very hands on. The problem is the person has such a bad, awful attitude. She is perfectly fine until you need to ask her to do something your way or correct her about something and then the atmosphere at home is just awful. Another issue is that she is meant to help with my little one but she makes me feel under pressure to do what I need quickly and take the baby back. The problem is that it has taken forever to find someone and I'm really stuck without the additional help. It came to a bit of a head yesterday and I've been thinking about this and quite upset. Her contract states that we can request babysitting with notice. The last 3 times I asked her she couldn't do it. So yesterday I asked her again for next weekend and she firmly told me that she is never able because she has another job. So I brought up that, this was something that we were specific about and she has now changed the terms. Dh is away so that's why I asked her and yet again she isn't available. She spoke to me so so rudely, very arrogant as well. What would you do or how would you approach this?

OP posts:

backinthebox · 01/04/2023 08:13

It will involve a bit more managing from you, but you will be far better off hiring a nanny for childcare, a cleaner for cleaning, and a babysitter for evenings. The nanny may well be happy to do the babysitting for an additional fee, but you are also free to hire someone else. Each person then has their own tasks and sticks to them.

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/04/2023 08:23

Can I point out that nannies are allowed to have a second job /life outside work

What they do in their own time is up to them

diddl · 01/04/2023 09:34

Riverr · 01/04/2023 07:55

😕 interesting post but there are always two sides to a story 🙄 would love to hear the nanny's view on it all 🤔

It would be interesting to hear why she is so rude I agree!

Sortyourlifeout · 01/04/2023 09:48

rosefaces · 31/03/2023 20:13

I think for 4 k most people would suck it up tbh.

Some people dream only of making that kind of money and need to do far far worse than this.

Nannies are overpaid and because of this they become cocky and spoiled.

Most people literally need to eat shit and make less money. But not the sacred nannies right. How dare the sacred nanny actually have to do some work when asked.

Nannies are overpaid?!

What fucking planet are you on?!

I started nannying on £200 per week. I was working 60 hours a week, plus 2 nights babysitting.

I'm now nearly 45 years old, have been nannying for 25 years, and I have earn't up to and above £4k. Just so you know, though, I currently earn £10 an hour because a)this is a career that I LOVE and being with the right family matters to me and b) it works around my other work.

Nannies are not babysitters. We don't sit around watching movies and eating the family out of house and home, whilst drinking pop and using up their electricity whilst we charge our phones.
We are not 'housewives' as I have heard it said before.

You tell me why you think we are overpaid!!

Whatsthefrequencykenny · 01/04/2023 10:07

Op wanted a nanny who lived in walking distance so there were no transportation issues - so the nanny likely lives in a high cost area.

We also don't know what the nanny's actual take home pay is or what all is included in the 4K

As Op says, this is not a high salary for the area she lives in. The nanny is live out and has all the costs of living for a higher cost area. This nanny works a second job on weekends so I doubt she is rolling in money.

Given Op can't find anyone who wants the position - there is an issue and in this case it isn't low salary. It is either the position / contract or the people.

rosefaces · 01/04/2023 11:03

@Sortyourlifeout well let me start with the fact that nannies somehow expect employers to agree to net salaries. It's absolutely ridiculous.

I don't know any other professions that expect this kind of payment.

In addition, 4 k a month for looking after a kid ? Only cleaning up the baby stuff, if you're lucky - grossly overpaid.

diddl · 01/04/2023 11:24

Nannies are overpaid and because of this they become cocky and spoiled.

How much do you think it's worth to have your kids well looked after?

Why do some people seem to want to pay as little as possible for childcare?

rosefaces · 01/04/2023 11:33

diddl · 01/04/2023 11:24

Nannies are overpaid and because of this they become cocky and spoiled.

How much do you think it's worth to have your kids well looked after?

Why do some people seem to want to pay as little as possible for childcare?

4K a month for 9-6 is too much, if you ask me.

tenbob · 01/04/2023 12:33

rosefaces · 01/04/2023 11:33

4K a month for 9-6 is too much, if you ask me.

Show quote history

But the nanny isn’t earning £4k a month
That’s what it costs OP to employ her once she has paid the employer NI contributions, employer tax, pension payment and probably also the agency fee

So can you tell us what you think the correct pay for a nanny should be..?

LovelyIssues · 01/04/2023 12:37

Your a SAHM and need a housekeeper/Nanny?

BadNomad · 01/04/2023 12:49

LovelyIssues · 01/04/2023 12:37

Your a SAHM and need a housekeeper/Nanny?

You stopped reading at "SAHM"?

Sortyourlifeout · 01/04/2023 16:27

rosefaces · 01/04/2023 11:03

@Sortyourlifeout well let me start with the fact that nannies somehow expect employers to agree to net salaries. It's absolutely ridiculous.

I don't know any other professions that expect this kind of payment.

In addition, 4 k a month for looking after a kid ? Only cleaning up the baby stuff, if you're lucky - grossly overpaid.

Well thats where you are wrong, to start with. Nannies have been fighting with agencies for years to get salaries paid in 'gross'.

You're utterly ignorant on both of your examples.

Merryweather80 · 01/04/2023 18:07

Hi @Dilemma19 I have a chronic health issue which flares up a lot too. It can leave me completely bed bound and flat. I know exactly how you feel. The easiest of tasks become mountains and un-manageable.

my main struggle was mornings. I would, on a good day have just about enough energy to get everyone washed, dressed and ready for school. But then incapable of driving them there. It’s a nightmare- mine are too young for a taxi service-3,9,11.
I think a few people haven’t understood how your condition affects you and have been harsh towards you and telling you what/ who you need.
Im glad the nanny left. She sounds awful, but when you are so reliant upon someone to help with your children you tolerate more than maybe we should in order to continue the relationship.

Good luck in finding a new home help/ nanny. If you ever want to chat I’m here for you. I’m awake at random times of the day and night. Take care.

Bignanny30 · 01/04/2023 21:06

She’s broken the contract by refusing to baby sit so you can sack her. Speak to the agency.

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/04/2023 21:11

As above many nannies talk salaries in gross

It's agencies and families who don't

Myself and all the professional nannies I know have discussed gross for over 12yrs

thelionthewitchtheaudacityofTHISbitch · 01/04/2023 21:47

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/04/2023 08:23

Can I point out that nannies are allowed to have a second job /life outside work

What they do in their own time is up to them

This was the bit that stood out for me, but perhaps differently to you.

OP mentioned additional baby sitting but WITH NOTICE, I would be wondering what the nanny's contract said about the notice for this additional work. If 1 week, then some of the examples given of refusal were not acceptable, but if nothing specified then tough luck. However I have in my very very part-time school contract a requirement to request permission to have a 2nd job. Slightly surprising this clause was not included.

But i do agree, sadly, with many previous posters, that the issue here is either you or them or the structure of the contract. Something isnt adding up. Perhaps this person wasn't competent - but really £4k*12 months pa gross (?), even in London is not an awful salary. It really isnt.

Kanaloa · 01/04/2023 22:02

thelionthewitchtheaudacityofTHISbitch · 01/04/2023 21:47

This was the bit that stood out for me, but perhaps differently to you.

Show quote history

Well the op originally says she asked the nanny about a weekend and was told no because she had a second job. It then changes to she asked the nanny to stay an hour extra every day, which is not (in my opinion) babysitting with notice - it’s simply overtime, which people do have the right to refuse if they want to leave at their contracted time.

Either way I don’t think it’s the wonderful and super easy job op says otherwise she would have people who want to do it.

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/04/2023 22:10

@thelionthewitchtheaudacityofTHISbitch

Notice would be nice

But even if was given 4w notice of a Saturday I have plans at the moment

Agree it changed from babysitting as dh away. To extra hour

Some friends contracts have had that clause in that can't take a 2nd job or needs to run it by current employers

I wouldn't agree to that clause and had it taken out

What I do in my own time as long as doesn't impact me on my agreed working hours is up to me

Shz · 02/04/2023 13:12

Do you mean 4k a month?

Appreciate it may not be straightforward to do but would you be better off paying a cleaner to come in 1-2 times a week to clean, send laundry out, pay for grocery delivery and/or use meal prep company and then hire an au pair to look after the kids? Some agencies arrange for live in au pairs travelling from elsewhere - worth looking into

the current employee making you uncomfortable in your own home isn’t sustainable

Sortyourlifeout · 02/04/2023 13:31

Once again, I will point out that Au Pairs are VERY hard to get, now.

I will also point out that this woman was not a NANNY.

Her role was as a housekeeper, with some mothers' help duties as required. And with babysitting, as required.

OP, I don't know if they are able to do this but it be worth asking admin if you can change the title. Maybe something like 'Advice regarding Housekeeper/Mother help'.

loobylou10 · 02/04/2023 15:58

@LoisLane66 what an absolute load of old fashioned clap trap. I'm actually embarrassed for you - for your ridiculous steam of consciousness and also for your lack of comprehension skills. Maybe read the OP again??

Kanaloa · 02/04/2023 16:59

Sortyourlifeout · 02/04/2023 13:31

Once again, I will point out that Au Pairs are VERY hard to get, now.

I will also point out that this woman was not a NANNY.

Her role was as a housekeeper, with some mothers' help duties as required. And with babysitting, as required.

OP, I don't know if they are able to do this but it be worth asking admin if you can change the title. Maybe something like 'Advice regarding Housekeeper/Mother help'.

To be fair it’s op that has caused the confusion by, you know… calling her a nanny several times. And I can see why there is such difficulty finding someone for the job when op herself seems to be confused about what the job is.

Stewball01 · 03/04/2023 00:10

Speak to the agency and get rid of her quickly. She's probably causing your flare-ups. Tell the agency to tell her she's no longer working for you, or you for her?

alyceflowers · 03/04/2023 10:01

Stewball01 · 03/04/2023 00:10

Speak to the agency and get rid of her quickly. She's probably causing your flare-ups. Tell the agency to tell her she's no longer working for you, or you for her?

That's really not what nanny agencies do. They source candidates for the employer to interview - they don't assist with managing employees or HR.

Flip

1 2 ··· 9 10 11 12 13 14