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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My mum wants to come on holiday with us

384 replies

Supermummy88 · 29/03/2023 10:03

Hey everyone,

I just need some advice. My husband wants to go on a beach holiday this year with me and the kids. We have one holiday every year and he hasn’t had any time off for a while. However, my mum really wants to come with us. My mum travels and goes on holidays about 4 times a year. My husband wants it to be just us, as he wants to just chill out and feels it won’t be the same if my mum comes. I don’t really know what to say to her because I feel really bad saying no and that we just want to go as a family. My husband said that considering she goes away 4 times a year and we only go once it’s not fair that we don’t get that time together as a family.

I’m thinking we will go with her this year and then next year we can go as a family just me husband and the kids. But he’s still not happy about it and has now put me in a difficult situation!

Any suggestions?

Thank you x

OP posts:
PuggyMum · 29/03/2023 10:05

I agree with your husband and I say that as someone who happily holiday with in laws pre and post kids.

PuggyMum · 29/03/2023 10:06

Holidayed*

Noicant · 29/03/2023 10:06

Yeah I wouldn’t want to. I like my in-laws but can’t fully relax with them.

BlueKaftan · 29/03/2023 10:06

It’s completely unfair on your husband if you let your mum come along.

MrsSkylerWhite · 29/03/2023 10:06

Your husband is right. Can she take you and the kids on one of her holidays?

Maray1967 · 29/03/2023 10:07

The answer is no. If I was your husband I would be furious that you are putting her demand first, when she is not short of holidays.
We have been on holiday a couple of times with my in-laws. In both cases I suggested it. There is no way my DH would have tried to persuade me if I didn’t want to.

BaronessBomburst · 29/03/2023 10:07

Your mum is being unreasonable. It's not fair to impose herself on your family holiday. Just tell her that she's not invited!

Bintymcbintface · 29/03/2023 10:07

Just be honest with your mum and tell her that you and DH want to go away with just yourselves and the kids, she'll understand.

Side note: I'm popping my umbrella in anticipation of the storm of people who will come on and tell you to bring DM along and use her for childcare so you can go out with DH without the kids

EyesOnThePies · 29/03/2023 10:08

No, You need to tell your Mum that this year, as your DH has had no time off or time with the kids etc, that you need time as a family, but will consider a shared break in the future.

Come on OP, you need to be fair to your DH here.

Does your Mum go on her other holidays with friends? Other family members?

Aquamarine1029 · 29/03/2023 10:08

I can't believe you're actually planning on going against your husband's wishes on this. I would be livid if I were him. You tell your mother she can't go, end of.

Maray1967 · 29/03/2023 10:08

PS it’s not your DH that is putting you in an awkward situation, it’s your mum who is. My in-laws never asked to come - we suggested it and invited them.

Unemployednobody · 29/03/2023 10:08

It's his annual leave too. It'll be wasted if he can't relax on his own holiday

Hbh17 · 29/03/2023 10:09

Just. Say. No.
Your mother is simply rude and has no right to impose herself - and your husband deserves a relaxing break with his family.

Oldnproud · 29/03/2023 10:10

Absolutely not. Sharing a family holiday with parent(s) or inlaw(s) is something that should only happen if everyone is happy with it, and that isn't the case here.

Paesano · 29/03/2023 10:11

It reads like you're looking for a compromise? I don't think there should be a compromise. If your husband isn't keen, that's the end of the conversation. Why don't you and your mum book a weekend away together somewhere just the two of you?

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 29/03/2023 10:12

You're mum should be able to understand you all need a proper break and he can't relax with an IL along. That's really not an unreasonable thing to feel or say. Maybe you could plan a smaller local break for you and the kids with your mum.

rainbowstardrops · 29/03/2023 10:12

We have holidayed with my parents before but only because we suggested it and DH was more than happy with that.
Having said that, your DH isn't on board with that and so I'm on his side.
Why on earth did your mum think it was ok to invite herself?!
Say you're just having a quiet family holiday this time but maybe suggest another break away with your mum and the kids a different time?

regularbutpanickingabit · 29/03/2023 10:13

Agree 100% with everyone else. This is your one holiday and your husband quite rightly wants the holiday you have planned, not to add in a gatecrasher.

If you want to go away with her and are in a financial position to go on a second break with just her and the kids - even if he can't - then that's a way to compromise. Telling him that he can't have a holiday with just you guys is not a compromise, it's a piss take.

whoruntheworldgirls · 29/03/2023 10:13

Sorry OP your husband is right, it should be just you guys. Can you go with your mum on a long weekend with the kids at another time?
It's a very different dynamic when a parent/in law goes with you.

EyesOnThePies · 29/03/2023 10:13

So you give in to her this year…. And then the same thing happens next year and you still ‘feel bad’ about saying no?

If your DH was posting on MN about this he would be told ‘you haven’t got an in-law problem, you have a DW problem’.

I know it’s hard, but people with the front to ask also have the grit to be told ‘no’. So tell her no.

sonjadog · 29/03/2023 10:13

No, your Mum can't come. What is going to be different next year that it will be okay for her not to come when it isn't this year? You are just trying to put off the conversation. Make it a rule that your one family holiday a year is just for you, your husband and your children. If she wants a trip with the kids, then that needs to come outside of this family holiday.

whatthebejesus · 29/03/2023 10:14

Lovely that your mum wants to come on holiday with you however your priority is your husbands feelings. Not your mums.

Why not offer to go on a long weekend with her instead?

LBFseBrom · 29/03/2023 10:15

PuggyMum · 29/03/2023 10:05

I agree with your husband and I say that as someone who happily holiday with in laws pre and post kids.

I too agree.

WaltzingWaters · 29/03/2023 10:15

Your DH hasn’t put you in an awkward situation, your DM has by inviting herself along. Tell her she can’t join you for this one as you’ve not had much time together with DH and kids recently.
Can you and the kids go on a different holiday with your DM sometime?

Codlingmoths · 29/03/2023 10:15

Can you stretch to a weekend away another time with your mum coming too?