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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My mum wants to come on holiday with us

384 replies

Supermummy88 · 29/03/2023 10:03

Hey everyone,

I just need some advice. My husband wants to go on a beach holiday this year with me and the kids. We have one holiday every year and he hasn’t had any time off for a while. However, my mum really wants to come with us. My mum travels and goes on holidays about 4 times a year. My husband wants it to be just us, as he wants to just chill out and feels it won’t be the same if my mum comes. I don’t really know what to say to her because I feel really bad saying no and that we just want to go as a family. My husband said that considering she goes away 4 times a year and we only go once it’s not fair that we don’t get that time together as a family.

I’m thinking we will go with her this year and then next year we can go as a family just me husband and the kids. But he’s still not happy about it and has now put me in a difficult situation!

Any suggestions?

Thank you x

OP posts:
LumpyandBumps · 29/03/2023 10:33

I pretty much agree with the other posters that your DH should be able to have a stress less, relaxing time.
Just wondered how old your children are and if his relaxation is dependent upon you doing everything for them?
If they are very young and he is expecting not to have to parent, then I have a bit less empathy, otherwise it is completely reasonable to respect his wishes.

coldmarchmorn · 29/03/2023 10:34

HE has not put you in a difficult situation, you and your mother have put him in one. You are being very unfair to him.

He doesn't want to go on his one holiday a year with your mother, and why would he? You don't get to tell him he has to.

Why don't you join her on one of her other holidays, instead?

AlexaFeedMyKids · 29/03/2023 10:35

@saraclara yeah I didn't say it wasn't perfectly OK. And MN is against this type of stuff.

All I described was my situation, as an opinion, and showing that where I'm from it's normal. Our only big holiday a year is with my MIL. Our little weekends away alone is just me and DH.

That's not me saying he's not perfectly within his rights to want a holiday without his MIL. I fully understand he's entitled to want that when he's spending all that money.

Hersetta427 · 29/03/2023 10:35

Absolutely not - am with your DH. It's his holiday that he gets to take once a year. Do not let your Mother come too. I would feel completely betrayed if the roles were reversed and it was my DH that wanted to bring his mother.

Your mother goes on multiple holidays a year - go with her on a long weekend break with the kids.

Poetnojo · 29/03/2023 10:37

Sorry but it's your Mum who has put you in a difficult position, not your husband.

ladykale · 29/03/2023 10:39

Hbh17 · 29/03/2023 10:09

Just. Say. No.
Your mother is simply rude and has no right to impose herself - and your husband deserves a relaxing break with his family.

I don't think it's rude for her to ask, but OP should just say no and she'll probably understand!

OP should arrange a shorter trip away with her mum maybe instead

beAsensible1 · 29/03/2023 10:41

Offer that just you will go away with your mum on one of her 4 holidays.

then have a separate family holiday with just husband and kids.

then everyone is happy and hubby can have some quality time with just him and the children and you can have some with your mum.

littlefireseverywhere · 29/03/2023 10:41

Yes, go on holiday with her but make it you, her & kids in the Uk for a long weekend

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 29/03/2023 10:43

ladykale · 29/03/2023 10:39

I don't think it's rude for her to ask, but OP should just say no and she'll probably understand!

OP should arrange a shorter trip away with her mum maybe instead

Show quote history

I think it's rude for anyone to invite themselves on a family holiday

smizing · 29/03/2023 10:44

I’m thinking we will go with her this year and then next year we can go as a family just me husband and the kids. But he’s still not happy about it and has now put me in a difficult situation!

Are you being for real? Why are you putting your mum before your husband? And you wonder why he's not happy? It's not your husband that has put you in a difficult situ, it's your bloody mum. Get a grip!

watcherintherye · 29/03/2023 10:46

I don’t know what the situation is with your in-laws, so this might not be appropriate, but could you put it to your mum in terms of you liking your mum-in-law, and spending time with her (don’t know if you do!), but you wouldn’t necessarily want her on your only holiday as you need downtime just with your immediate family, and that your dh feels the same. So she doesn’t feel that it’s because your dh dislikes her.
Maybe ask your dh if he would be willing to include her another time?

Cherrysoup · 29/03/2023 10:47

Lord, no! His only holiday? Goodness me, I’d be furious. Just no.

BMW6 · 29/03/2023 10:47

No OP. You must not do this.

piedbeauty · 29/03/2023 10:47

I agree with your h. This is his one holiday this year, so he should get to decide who is on it! Your mum is not short of holidays.

pointythings · 29/03/2023 10:48

Team DH here. It's your mum who's put you in a difficult position, not him. Cut the apron strings and tell her no.

Reddickyouless · 29/03/2023 10:48

Your mum shouldn't have put you in this situation
Bloody rude of her
Just say no

IamnotSethRogan · 29/03/2023 10:49

Can you put her off at least ? Maybe have your holiday with your family then book a long weekend another time with your mum? Maybe one your husband doesn't even need to come on if he can't get the time off work? If I was looking forward to some time with my family I wouldn't be thrilled about MIL inviting herself along, and I really like my MIL!

OnaBegonia · 29/03/2023 10:49

has now put me in a difficult situation!
No he hasn't, all you need to do is say not this time mum.
Can't believe you're so easily prepared to ignore your DH.

LaughingSomnambulist · 29/03/2023 10:49

Your husband has been clear about his feelings. Why do you think it is ok to just ignore his feelings, which actually make loads of sense and he is correct, to just invite your mum anyway and promise him next year… and next year she will tag along again.

You’re meant to be a team with your husband. Treat him better than this.

Floridarider · 29/03/2023 10:49

coldmarchmorn · 29/03/2023 10:34

HE has not put you in a difficult situation, you and your mother have put him in one. You are being very unfair to him.

He doesn't want to go on his one holiday a year with your mother, and why would he? You don't get to tell him he has to.

Why don't you join her on one of her other holidays, instead?

Very well put.

I'm on side with you DH.

RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 29/03/2023 10:49

Just tell your mom you want to holiday with just your husband and the kids this year but can plan a extended family holiday for next.

RenegadeMrs · 29/03/2023 10:50

I don't think it's rude of your mother to ask if she can come, but generally if you ask to come along to something rather than are invited, I do think it's on you to accept the answer with good grace.

You need to say no and prioritise your husband here as he only gets the one holiday. I would think of ways to try and soften the blow though as you seem worried about it.

We have been on holiday with my family and his family, but my parents would have no issue with us saying 'sorry this time it's just for us'.

Lunde · 29/03/2023 10:51

So you prefer to say "no" to your dh rather than say "no" to your mum? Why is that?

MeridianB · 29/03/2023 10:52

Another voice saying no way should you disrepect your DH's wishes on this. It's really unfair.

Your mum seems to have plenty of holidays, so perhaps she could take you/your DC on one of those another time.

FlowersareEverything · 29/03/2023 10:52

If your mum had no way of going on holiday if you didn’t let her join you I would have some sympathy for her, but, given she goes on four holidays per year, I don’t, particularly as it’s your husband’s only holiday. In saying that, I will happily go on holiday on my own.

As a granny I love going away with my family, but it’s normally me that’s booking a holiday and I say to them to let me know if they want to come along. I would never ask to go on someone else’s holiday, unless invited.

When my lot were children we often went on holidays with their grandparents and everyone had a great time. It has to be agreed by all parties though.

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