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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aren't hospital supposed to feed me??

675 replies

Elephantinthemoon · 27/03/2023 21:10

Came to A&E this morning with my 1 year old, got here for 10am. He's very poorly and we were quickly told we'd be in overnight. I expected this so I'd brought an overnight bag but only a few snacks for baby, and his water bottle nothing for myself and no meals. I'm on my own so couldn't carry a lot and based on previous experience thought I'd be fed in the hospital because I'm breastfeeding?

I am on my own, and have no one who can bring me food or anything.

We spent 7 hrs in a&e waiting to be taken to the ward. Absolute nightmare and he got through his snacks very fast (crisps, cheese, Ella bar) but I was hopeful we'd be taken to the ward "soon".

At 4pm I finally got a bit fed up and asked the nurse if he could be given something to eat. Other than his snacks he'd not eaten anything since breakfast at 8am. He'd skipped lunch because we were stuck in a & e.

Tbh the nurse seemed really shocked I was asking like I'd not brought him anything? But thing is i just hadn't expected to.be waiting so long! I thought we'd be put on a ward and he'd be fed there. Anyway she did manage to "find" him a sandwich but I wasn't offered anything.

At 6pm we were finally transferred to a room on a ward but it didn't even have water in it. I have now asked for water.

I'm breastfeeding and when we were last in hospital overnight (at christmas) I'd been fed once on the ward because of this. So this was my expectation again. However no one has mentioned this this time (they have seen me breastfeeding him) and I've felt too awkward to ask because he's really unwell and I feel like either sounds selfish for me to just want to know if I can have food for myself!! Plus he's 20 months so not exactly a newborn so I'm not sure I still should be fed 🤔

So basically...I've not eaten since 9am this morning. I can't go to the cafe or shop in the hospital because I can't leave my 1 year old on his own. He's not in a fit state to come with me.

I'd of thought there'd atleast be a vending machine?! But I've checked and nothing.

How do single mums do this? Not everyone has relatives who are willing to bring food in!! And for the record I can't believe they don't feed ALL mums who have a poorly baby in hospital. Breastfeeding or not. It's honestly hard enough having a sick baby without also going without food until god knows when.

Thankfully my partner will be able to visit tomorrow but not until lunch time so I'm in for a very long time running on water only.

OP posts:
BeardieWeirdie · 27/03/2023 21:13

Is there another mum on the ward you can ask to watch him while you get some food? I’d be happy to take turns. Honestly, I’d have brought a load of food with me expecting to be waiting hours - have you not seen the news recently?

Frankie412 · 27/03/2023 21:14

Ask them for food or what the options are for you. It’s not being awkward, it’s a basic human function and they will have had this situation before.

londonrach · 27/03/2023 21:15

No. Your DC is the patient not you. At least that's my local hospital. Is there food you can buy onsite

Ponoka7 · 27/03/2023 21:16

You should be fed. Ask the ward manager if this is their trusts policy. The sandwiches for the patients don't last long, the Nurses grab them, but they should be able to do you toast.

MrsMontyD · 27/03/2023 21:16

I was fed as a breastfeeding mother when my dd was in hospital.

Nimbostratus100 · 27/03/2023 21:17

no, hospital's don't feed mums, but if you explain your circumstances, maybe they can offer you some biscuits or something?

lordspikey · 27/03/2023 21:17

I'm really sorry to read what you're going through. Hoping your baby has a speedy recovery.

My daughter was admitted first at 1 week old (after I'd already been discharged from maternity ward) and again at 6 weeks. Both times I got breakfast, lunch and dinner during my stay. But I had a very tiny baby compared to you. I

The other parents on the ward didn't get food as far as I know, but all the children were a little older from what I remember.

I agree, it sucks that you aren't given food and you definitely should be.

Can you nip out to a vending machine or something whilst baby is sleeping whilst a nurse keeps an eye on him? Or maybe food delivery service?

I read a thread a while ago where a mnetter took food for someone in the hospital where the OP was staying because they were in a similar boat to you.

If you're willing to share where you are, someone might be able to help.

Wishing you all the best OP.

Original poster
Elephantinthemoon · 27/03/2023 21:17

Don't mean to drip feed but I've actually just realised...he's asleep now but he's had no dinner!! We were having tests done and lots of Dr's in and out and he was so upset after the last test I fed him to sleep. But no one brought him any tea?!
I just think really how do they expect him to get better, and me to care for him like this.

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 27/03/2023 21:17

When I was breastfeeding our hospital policy was that breastfeeding mums could have a sandwich or something from the trolley because we were our children's nutrition.
Parents who were not breastfeeding had to bring their own food.

Wishitsnows · 27/03/2023 21:17

You poor thing, that’s terrible. I hope your child gets better soon. Sadly it’s not a very patient centric service anymore. I know someone will jump in and say you are not the patient but as a bf mother you would have been considered before. The fact the nurse was shocked you asked shows the level of care and consideration they bother with.

Denise82 · 27/03/2023 21:17

When my son was in hospital for 3 days I wasn't fed and neither did I expect to be. There was a parents room with tea and coffee available, I simply went and got something from the vending machines or hospital shop when he slept.

Cazs818 · 27/03/2023 21:17

I’ve been in this position more times than I care to remember , unfortunately they don’t feed parents .

All apart from one hospital Ive been in they we’re all a nightmare , I often went days without anything . Depending on how busy the ward is you maybe able to find a nurse or similar who can watch your little one while you hunt down some food . Like wise after the lunch / dinner runs sometimes there’s left overs if you manage to catch them in a good mood they will give you something .

most wards have a parents room where you can at least make a cuppa sometimes a microwave

Verylongtime · 27/03/2023 21:18

I wouldn’t expect them to feed you at all, but he should be fed.

Original poster
Elephantinthemoon · 27/03/2023 21:18

BeardieWeirdie · 27/03/2023 21:13

Is there another mum on the ward you can ask to watch him while you get some food? I’d be happy to take turns. Honestly, I’d have brought a load of food with me expecting to be waiting hours - have you not seen the news recently?

It's a children's ward so we're all in our own individual rooms...I suppose that's nice but it does mean I won't see anyone else unfortunately

OP posts:
Kevenstinger · 27/03/2023 21:18

Not the same but I remember 20 years ago post c-section, not yet mobile, the meals were delivered to a common room and mums collected from there. I couldn’t get to the room for a full day and the nurses, as well intentioned as they were were too busy to help. Other mums all pre-occupied with their newborns, understandably. I was establishing feeding too. It felt lonely

Iam4eels · 27/03/2023 21:18

Ask the nurse if there is somewhere you can get some food and can they keep an eye on your DS while you go get some. IME they will ask you to leave the room door open, will make a note on the desk that you've popped out and will ask you to let them know when you're back. He will be fine for the short time it'll take to go get a take out box from the cafe so go eat - you need to look after yourself so you can look after him (and while you're there, pop in the shop and get some snacks/drinks for overnight and a magazine or a book for yourself).

quewbg · 27/03/2023 21:18

Elephantinthemoon · 27/03/2023 21:17

Don't mean to drip feed but I've actually just realised...he's asleep now but he's had no dinner!! We were having tests done and lots of Dr's in and out and he was so upset after the last test I fed him to sleep. But no one brought him any tea?!
I just think really how do they expect him to get better, and me to care for him like this.

If he is asleep go and grab something quickly from the hospital shop.

DrMadelineMaxwell · 27/03/2023 21:19

If he's not exclusively breastfed and is eating meals, then they won't feed you. But they should be feeding him!

MelchiorsMistress · 27/03/2023 21:19

The NHS can’t be expected to feed the parents of all their young inpatients but someone should be available to help you while you go to the shop.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 27/03/2023 21:19

Find a member of staff on the ward, explain that you haven't eaten, ask them if there are any vending machines or services that you just may not have seen or if you can arrange for a take away to be delivered or anything. It's highly unlikely they'll have much in the way of food around now unless there are some leftovers in the ward fridge because meal times are all over for the day.

Can you not carry your son to the vending machine (assuming they're able to tell you there is one)?

Atteloiv · 27/03/2023 21:19

I’m very sorry about your baby and hope things improve soon. Re food, I don’t know the policy and have read on here that different hospitals do different things, but not getting food is a very big deal when you’re breastfeeding and going without food for most of 24 hrs would reduce your milk supply I’d think. Ask a nurse if they have any suggestion what to do
to keep your breastmilk supply up. If your partner really can’t get there before tomorrow I think a nurse might have to hold the baby while you dash to the hospital shop?

BouncingWorms · 27/03/2023 21:19

At 20 months, I don’t think so. I would expect him to be fed food/water on the ward though. he should be expected to have more food than milk and they shouldn’t feed you both
6-12 months more likely a grey area

you can leave baby to get food though, it’s not ideal but they can’t stop you, he’s not on his own there are nurses there

RoseBucket · 27/03/2023 21:20

My daughter spent a week in hospital, I’m a single mum and no support I had to go to the hospital shop for food. My daughter was fed 3 times a day and I bought extra from the shop. Most wards have food delivered on hot trolleys, food is delivered by the kitchens at set times, and they have no actual food on the ward.

HollyFern1110 · 27/03/2023 21:20

Sorry, but the hospital trust I worked for had a strict rule that food was to be provided for the patient only.

If course human compassion takes over sometimes & the Hostess (fancy name for person with the food trolley) would offer a meal to a relative - but this could only be done if there leftovers & even then, it was a risk as trust policy forbade it.

Katrinawaves · 27/03/2023 21:20

I’ve had this when accompanying my older child with a learning disability in hospital. Agree with the PP who has suggested asking another parent to look after your son when he drops off to sleep while you nip out to the hospital shop or canteen.

my top tip when your partner comes in tomorrow is to ask him in addition to the sandwiches and snacks he will bring for meals tomorrow is to get him to pack a packet of oatcakes and a jar of peanut butter. That will keep out of the fridge and will be filling and keep you going for some time if your partner gets delayed in bringing in top up food for any reason. I virtually lived on this when my daughter was admitted as an emergency as it was always in my changing bag for her just in case