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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aren't hospital supposed to feed me??

675 replies

Elephantinthemoon · 27/03/2023 21:10

Came to A&E this morning with my 1 year old, got here for 10am. He's very poorly and we were quickly told we'd be in overnight. I expected this so I'd brought an overnight bag but only a few snacks for baby, and his water bottle nothing for myself and no meals. I'm on my own so couldn't carry a lot and based on previous experience thought I'd be fed in the hospital because I'm breastfeeding?

I am on my own, and have no one who can bring me food or anything.

We spent 7 hrs in a&e waiting to be taken to the ward. Absolute nightmare and he got through his snacks very fast (crisps, cheese, Ella bar) but I was hopeful we'd be taken to the ward "soon".

At 4pm I finally got a bit fed up and asked the nurse if he could be given something to eat. Other than his snacks he'd not eaten anything since breakfast at 8am. He'd skipped lunch because we were stuck in a & e.

Tbh the nurse seemed really shocked I was asking like I'd not brought him anything? But thing is i just hadn't expected to.be waiting so long! I thought we'd be put on a ward and he'd be fed there. Anyway she did manage to "find" him a sandwich but I wasn't offered anything.

At 6pm we were finally transferred to a room on a ward but it didn't even have water in it. I have now asked for water.

I'm breastfeeding and when we were last in hospital overnight (at christmas) I'd been fed once on the ward because of this. So this was my expectation again. However no one has mentioned this this time (they have seen me breastfeeding him) and I've felt too awkward to ask because he's really unwell and I feel like either sounds selfish for me to just want to know if I can have food for myself!! Plus he's 20 months so not exactly a newborn so I'm not sure I still should be fed 🤔

So basically...I've not eaten since 9am this morning. I can't go to the cafe or shop in the hospital because I can't leave my 1 year old on his own. He's not in a fit state to come with me.

I'd of thought there'd atleast be a vending machine?! But I've checked and nothing.

How do single mums do this? Not everyone has relatives who are willing to bring food in!! And for the record I can't believe they don't feed ALL mums who have a poorly baby in hospital. Breastfeeding or not. It's honestly hard enough having a sick baby without also going without food until god knows when.

Thankfully my partner will be able to visit tomorrow but not until lunch time so I'm in for a very long time running on water only.

OP posts:
TrainersAltonTowersWontKill · 27/03/2023 21:30

I mean, my friends still breastfeeding her 4 year old. How long can they realistically feed you for? He's asleep. Just tell them you're nipping to Costa and go quickly stock up.

Bobbybobbins · 27/03/2023 21:31

Hope you can get something OP but make sure you send your DP a list of food to bring in with him tomorrow.

QuertyGirl · 27/03/2023 21:32

Can you not ask the nurses to watch him for half an hour while you run to the shop or whatever?

TrainersAltonTowersWontKill · 27/03/2023 21:32

"Thankfully my partner will be able to visit tomorrow"

Hold on. His dad can visit but not until tomorrow? Is he out of the country?

Denise82 · 27/03/2023 21:32

Elephantinthemoon · 27/03/2023 21:22

But I can't leave him, he's 1 and he's having epileptic fits so I literally cannot leave him. Fairly sure the nurses would be appauled if i did. There's no vending machines, the parents kitchen is just a kettle and teabags there's no food whatsoever anywhere. If there was a machines or something on the ward I'd pop along the corridor but I'd have to go several floors away and a very long walk to get to a shop or cafe. Believe me I'm absolutley starving so if I could I would 🤣

Show quote history

OK so you need to talk to the nurses who are there to care for him and go and see what they can do, you won't have been the only mum by herself so they will have dealt with it before. or get your partner/friend to come and deliver food or order something for you and have it delivered to the hospital entrance. I'm just trying to offer suggestions and advise what I did in the situation I was in when my son was on the children's ward. It's a tough situation to be in even more so when you're worried and exhausted and hungry. Hope you get something sorted soon.

ThinWomansBrain · 27/03/2023 21:33

I was in hospital before Christmas - had to have breakfast before 7am the day I went in; they didn't operate until about 3pm, I was given a yogurt in the recovery room, and an egg sandwich at about 10pm.
There was debate over the sandwich because the instructions were "soft food only"; the surgeon has said (verbally) a sandwich would be fine. The nurse was concerned about the crusts - it was pappy white bread, not a good crunchy sourdough FFS🙄

I discharged myself the next morning after I got bored hanging around to see the pharmacist for 40 minutes - I'd been told to take my own medication in, so nothing had been prescribed. Took myself to a local cafe for coffee and another pappy egg sandwich for breakfast.

Previous time I was in hospital, about 10 years ago, I ended up going across the road to Tesco at about 10 at night (A&E admission, so not taken to the ward until late at night.

So not great at feeding patients, let alone their family members.

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 27/03/2023 21:34

@Elephantinthemoon

I've been in the same
Position over the years with my dc and it's awful 😞

I am glad your baby is in the best place but posters saying grab a nurse ,where from???

Everywhere is short staffed,the canteen won't be open now and probably neither will the hospital shop but op can't leave her baby so what is she meant to do??

Maybe you could say which county you are in op and a mum here could help

Albiboba · 27/03/2023 21:34

@JudgeRudy I don't mean to be provocative but why are you still there? I've not had much to do with paediatric wards but aren't there staff to look after him? Do parents usually hang around? Are you there simply to comfort him?

It is completely normal for a parent to stay with their child who is in hospital. What’s wrong with being there to ‘simply comfort him’?
I’ve not see a child under about 11 on their own any of the times I have stayed on a kids ward.
I also can’t imagine many would leave their 1 year old alone in hospital while they went home and slept.

CoalCraft · 27/03/2023 21:34

It does sound crap op. I've had to stay in hospital with babies a few times and the rules were three meals a day for mum, with lunch and dinner both being full hot meals if you were breastfeeding, otherwise dinner was hot but lunch was a sandwich type deal. My babies were all two young to be offered food of their own but I assume they would have been of they were older.

lordspikey · 27/03/2023 21:34

@JudgeRudy are you serious? Would you leave your 1 year old son overnight in a hospital?

Most people don't even leave their kids with family members overnight until they're older.

I wouldn't leave my kids in hospital overnight unless they were teens and even then that's a push.

Lovingitallnow · 27/03/2023 21:35

You need to eat and shower etc. The nurses will not be appalled if you leave. They're realistic. If he needs around the clock watching they'll have to arrange someone to watch him. If he doesn't need it then they'll keep an eye knowing there's no one there. But they won't be appalled. Some parents will have other children at norm and might not have a massive support system.

Doublegloucester · 27/03/2023 21:35

I never got fed when I was bf my 5 week old in the children’s ward. They had a play therapist who stayed with baby whilst I went to Pret. Op you need to be brave and insist arrangements are made so you can and get some food. You can’t keep going without eating!

Meandfour · 27/03/2023 21:35

Nimbostratus100 · 27/03/2023 21:17

no, hospital's don't feed mums, but if you explain your circumstances, maybe they can offer you some biscuits or something?

Ours does for breastfeeding mothers of young babies. A baby a similar age to the OPs is also eating solids so I wouldn’t expect a mum breastfeeding an older baby to be fed at all.

Topiography · 27/03/2023 21:35

@Elephantinthemoon
OP, are you @ Wrexham Maelor Hopital? If so, I could nip out & bring you & your little one some food? If you are not near me, I am hoping someone kind will realise you can't carry on with nothing, you will end up fainting.

Comedycook · 27/03/2023 21:35

This thread has made me think...food aside, what would a single mum with multiple kids and no one to look after them do? Leave their child in hospital? Bring the others with her?

Hmmmm2018 · 27/03/2023 21:35

Hope little one is on the mend soon. From my experience the children's ward had a little kitchen with kettle and microwave for parents to sort themselves out. I'm sure if you explain the situation to nurses they will help either with directing you where to go to get something or getting you some toast or a sandwich and will look after baby whilst you do so. I know when I had to pop off the ward briefly they kept an eye on my toddler.

ConkerBonkers · 27/03/2023 21:36

I don't know if anyone has mentioned it, but you could try to get a takeaway delivered to you if in need of something more substantial

Lizzt2007 · 27/03/2023 21:36

lordspikey · 27/03/2023 21:34

@JudgeRudy are you serious? Would you leave your 1 year old son overnight in a hospital?

Most people don't even leave their kids with family members overnight until they're older.

I wouldn't leave my kids in hospital overnight unless they were teens and even then that's a push.

Not everyone has a choice. Some people have other kids at home and no overnight childcare. They HAVE to leave their child alone in hospital.

LittleBearPad · 27/03/2023 21:37

Tell the nurses you are going to get some food. You won’t be long even if the hospital has seemingly endless corridors there will be an M&S or similar somewhere. You do have to eat and they know you’ll need to get food. You never know telling them this might mean they scare up a sandwich. They don’t know you’re hungry.

Alternatively your partner can bring you something or Deliveroo can bring something to the Main Entrance.

Breastfeeding an almost 2 year old quite different to a tiny baby too. You aren’t his only source of nutrition

ItsTimeToWine · 27/03/2023 21:37

To be honest I wouldn't expect to be fed, I breastfeed too and have been to hospital with one of my children at a similar age and breastfeeding and never assumed I'd be fed. I think if you have an exclusively breastfed baby 6 months or under they might be nice and offer, but a toddler no. You aren't the patient. You have to ask the staff to watch your child and nip down to the canteen/shop, that's what we have done. They did feel sorry for my husband when he'd been in a+e most the day and then up onto the ward and everything had closed so they made him some toast, they didn't need to feed him, nor did he expect it though.

Yellowdays · 27/03/2023 21:38

I don't think it's the job of the hospital to feed the patients relatives.

Upsywavy · 27/03/2023 21:38

Some people have very low standards it seems!

mycatisawesome · 27/03/2023 21:38

When I stayed with 5 year old the Christmas after COVID started I wasn't fed and also wasn't even allowed to leave the room due to the restrictions . The nurses also refused to watch her so I could go and get a hot drink or or anything to eat but would not allow me to leave her . I was ok as the next day someone left stuff at reception for me but it would have been awful if you had no support .

lordspikey · 27/03/2023 21:38

@Lizzt2007 of course unless you don't have a choice.

But I can't imagine anyone choosing to leave their sick child so they can go home and get rest.

For short periods of time, of course. Overnight, no way.

WigglyWaggly · 27/03/2023 21:39

Are you on any local Facebook groups, how about asking for suggestions there.
If you posted on one of our local Facebook groups people would be offering to help you.

What about the suggestion made by PPs about Deliveroo?