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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aren't hospital supposed to feed me??

675 replies

Elephantinthemoon · 27/03/2023 21:10

Came to A&E this morning with my 1 year old, got here for 10am. He's very poorly and we were quickly told we'd be in overnight. I expected this so I'd brought an overnight bag but only a few snacks for baby, and his water bottle nothing for myself and no meals. I'm on my own so couldn't carry a lot and based on previous experience thought I'd be fed in the hospital because I'm breastfeeding?

I am on my own, and have no one who can bring me food or anything.

We spent 7 hrs in a&e waiting to be taken to the ward. Absolute nightmare and he got through his snacks very fast (crisps, cheese, Ella bar) but I was hopeful we'd be taken to the ward "soon".

At 4pm I finally got a bit fed up and asked the nurse if he could be given something to eat. Other than his snacks he'd not eaten anything since breakfast at 8am. He'd skipped lunch because we were stuck in a & e.

Tbh the nurse seemed really shocked I was asking like I'd not brought him anything? But thing is i just hadn't expected to.be waiting so long! I thought we'd be put on a ward and he'd be fed there. Anyway she did manage to "find" him a sandwich but I wasn't offered anything.

At 6pm we were finally transferred to a room on a ward but it didn't even have water in it. I have now asked for water.

I'm breastfeeding and when we were last in hospital overnight (at christmas) I'd been fed once on the ward because of this. So this was my expectation again. However no one has mentioned this this time (they have seen me breastfeeding him) and I've felt too awkward to ask because he's really unwell and I feel like either sounds selfish for me to just want to know if I can have food for myself!! Plus he's 20 months so not exactly a newborn so I'm not sure I still should be fed 🤔

So basically...I've not eaten since 9am this morning. I can't go to the cafe or shop in the hospital because I can't leave my 1 year old on his own. He's not in a fit state to come with me.

I'd of thought there'd atleast be a vending machine?! But I've checked and nothing.

How do single mums do this? Not everyone has relatives who are willing to bring food in!! And for the record I can't believe they don't feed ALL mums who have a poorly baby in hospital. Breastfeeding or not. It's honestly hard enough having a sick baby without also going without food until god knows when.

Thankfully my partner will be able to visit tomorrow but not until lunch time so I'm in for a very long time running on water only.

OP posts:
Remagirl · 27/03/2023 21:25

Our hospital feeds mums that are staying with children.

UsernameOfMine · 27/03/2023 21:25

I think it varies from hospital to hospital.
When dd was in Glasgow... I was told that parents would not be fed.

Yet our local hospital when Ds was in they gave me full meals I was really quite surprised.

Neither were being breastfed at times of hospital stays.

memorial · 27/03/2023 21:25

I'm sorry you're being ridiculous. Go and ask a nurse for food/how to get food/watch the baby so you can go to the cafe etc. Order a pizza. You're a grown woman I'm sure you can manage.

aslkde · 27/03/2023 21:26

Speak to the nurses and tell them you haven't eaten all day. Make sure they know you are breast feeding. Ask can food be brought to you or can someone sit with him whilst you go and get food.

SNWannabe · 27/03/2023 21:26

If you have any friends locally, surely someone would delivery you a packed lunch and some food? Id do it for a school mum or a neighbour if asked, you might just need to rely on the kindness of strangers for a while...and ask the staff what other mums do.

Upsywavy · 27/03/2023 21:26

Throwncrumbs · 27/03/2023 21:23

Patients are fed, not relatives, that includes patients mums, the nurses don’t pinch sandwiches meant for patients, also there are no toasters on wards as they are notorious for setting off fire alarms and the fire brigade turn up…. a nearly everyday occurrence before toasters were banned!

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Perhaps where you work, this is not the case across the board. I've done many 3am toast rounds and collected spare sarnies bound for the bin for parents.

TrainersAltonTowersWontKill · 27/03/2023 21:26

This exact thread happened about a year ago but I can't seem to find it.

Albiboba · 27/03/2023 21:26

As a mother breastfeeding a 20 month old you’re going to be way down the most. Hospitals offer food for breastfeeding mothers because it in turn sustains the sick baby, not quite the same in this case.
Breakfast is for the parent and child in my local hospital and other times they will try to get you a sandwich if you miss a mealtime due to treatment.

Hangingtrousers · 27/03/2023 21:26

When I was in with dd a dad there ordered pizza and the uber guy delivered it to reception!

quewbg · 27/03/2023 21:26

Have you actually explained the situation to someone there and asked for help?

BCfan · 27/03/2023 21:27

Sounds like an upsetting situation so hang in there.

Personally I wouldn't want precious NHS funds spent feeding non-patients. I'd rather every penny goes to healthcare.

Surely you can leave him in a cot to get food?

Throwncrumbs · 27/03/2023 21:27

Elephantinthemoon · 27/03/2023 21:22

But I can't leave him, he's 1 and he's having epileptic fits so I literally cannot leave him. Fairly sure the nurses would be appauled if i did. There's no vending machines, the parents kitchen is just a kettle and teabags there's no food whatsoever anywhere. If there was a machines or something on the ward I'd pop along the corridor but I'd have to go several floors away and a very long walk to get to a shop or cafe. Believe me I'm absolutley starving so if I could I would 🤣

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There must be a hospital canteen for relatives and staff, also a shop? Most hospitals are massive nowadays, which lots of amenities, our has an M&S, a Costa, a clothes shop, a Smiths newsagents… ask a nurse to stay with your child while you get some food, or tell your partner to bring stuff in now as tomorrow is not good enough!

Lizzt2007 · 27/03/2023 21:27

Elephantinthemoon · 27/03/2023 21:22

But I can't leave him, he's 1 and he's having epileptic fits so I literally cannot leave him. Fairly sure the nurses would be appauled if i did. There's no vending machines, the parents kitchen is just a kettle and teabags there's no food whatsoever anywhere. If there was a machines or something on the ward I'd pop along the corridor but I'd have to go several floors away and a very long walk to get to a shop or cafe. Believe me I'm absolutley starving so if I could I would 🤣

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Of course they wouldn't be appalled! He's in hospital so that the medical staff can care for him, they don't expect you to do their job ! Some parents with multiple children might not be able to be there all day every day, they're not going to judge you for having to pop away for a short time for food !

quewbg · 27/03/2023 21:27

TrainersAltonTowersWontKill · 27/03/2023 21:26

This exact thread happened about a year ago but I can't seem to find it.

I remember one very similar

RoseBucket · 27/03/2023 21:27

Throwncrumbs · 27/03/2023 21:23

Patients are fed, not relatives, that includes patients mums, the nurses don’t pinch sandwiches meant for patients, also there are no toasters on wards as they are notorious for setting off fire alarms and the fire brigade turn up…. a nearly everyday occurrence before toasters were banned!

Show quote history

We have a toaster on the ward. As far as I know no one has managed to set an alarm off yet, I guess if they did that might change!

We do have toast and cereal and packets of biscuits for emergencies but as others said it’s not supposed to be for families, I even got told off for making a relative a cup of tea once!

DogDream · 27/03/2023 21:28

Where are you OP? I’d bring you food if you were at my local hospital.

Crazycrazylady · 27/03/2023 21:28

Honestly I'd ask one the nurses to sit with him for a few minutes while you dashed to the nearest shop. It's not reasonable to expect to be fed yourself , where would they draw the line.

SNWannabe · 27/03/2023 21:28

Toasters in our ward, and sandwiches...eaten by nightshift regularly, once patients have had their fill...

We also have cheese, butter, bread, porridge pots and cereal/milk/yoghurts on the ward so could rustle up something if needed. Just ask. Dont say "I haven't eaten" as that might be like you're complaining, just say "Do you know where I might be able to get some food tonight?" or similar so they're inclined to help...

MarshaMelrose · 27/03/2023 21:29

he's having epileptic fits so I literally cannot leave him. Fairly sure the nurses would be appauled if i did.

Honestly, they'll all understand that you have to eat. They need you to keep going so they won't be appalled at all. You have to leave him to go to the loo and for drinks. Just talk to them so that they can keep an eye on him while you slip away for 10 mins.

Rowthe · 27/03/2023 21:29

Yeah its ctap.

I've been in hospital with my child numerous times.

And hey dont feed the parents.

And its really hard to go get food.

I've only survived because I had someone who could bring me food. It was even worse during covid when they allow even fewer people in.

704703hey · 27/03/2023 21:29

There should be a sandwich somewhere. You need to speak to the staff, even if it's just minding him whilst you dash out.

Beseen22 · 27/03/2023 21:29

I don't know anything about the world of pediatrics but if you were in as a carer for someone and couldnt leave I would absolutely feed you if I have food available. However due to the very acute nature of my unit the fridges are crammed to the rafters with sandwiches during day when the kitchen is open and the dissappear like hotcakes and patients would be the priority. If I was in your situation as a parent in with my son and there was no food available I would absolutely order a pizza up to the ward. You may have to nip to the door to get it.

JudgeRudy · 27/03/2023 21:30

Well I've learnt something today, that breastfeeding mothers get fed....sometimes. Tbh I wouldn't expect to be fed. I don't believe there's nowhere on site you can go to buy a snack, even if it's a packet of crisps or a kit-kat.
I'm pretty sure if you ask at the right time they'll be a sandwich over. I don't mean to be provocative but why are you still there? I've not had much to do with paediatric wards but aren't there staff to look after him? Do parents usually hang around? Are you there simply to comfort him? You need to look after yourself too.
Get yourself fed, have a good night's sleep and go back tomorrow (armed with snacks). Hope things go well

LividNC · 27/03/2023 21:30

Honestly all these people suggesting you simply “grab a nurse” and get them to wait half an hour while you go and stock up.

Literally no idea how unrealistic that is. Maybe in 1950 there were a plethora of nursing staff just waiting to chill their beans?

Honestly OP I feel for you. Is there anyone you know who lives even vaguely nearby that could do a mercy drop? I know when babies are sick people want to help. Put a shout out on your social media or something.

Rowthe · 27/03/2023 21:30

I couldn't even take the kid with me because she had to stay connected to the monitors.

Once when I was pregnant and with bad hyperemesis made worse by hunger.