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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aren't hospital supposed to feed me??

675 replies

Elephantinthemoon · 27/03/2023 21:10

Came to A&E this morning with my 1 year old, got here for 10am. He's very poorly and we were quickly told we'd be in overnight. I expected this so I'd brought an overnight bag but only a few snacks for baby, and his water bottle nothing for myself and no meals. I'm on my own so couldn't carry a lot and based on previous experience thought I'd be fed in the hospital because I'm breastfeeding?

I am on my own, and have no one who can bring me food or anything.

We spent 7 hrs in a&e waiting to be taken to the ward. Absolute nightmare and he got through his snacks very fast (crisps, cheese, Ella bar) but I was hopeful we'd be taken to the ward "soon".

At 4pm I finally got a bit fed up and asked the nurse if he could be given something to eat. Other than his snacks he'd not eaten anything since breakfast at 8am. He'd skipped lunch because we were stuck in a & e.

Tbh the nurse seemed really shocked I was asking like I'd not brought him anything? But thing is i just hadn't expected to.be waiting so long! I thought we'd be put on a ward and he'd be fed there. Anyway she did manage to "find" him a sandwich but I wasn't offered anything.

At 6pm we were finally transferred to a room on a ward but it didn't even have water in it. I have now asked for water.

I'm breastfeeding and when we were last in hospital overnight (at christmas) I'd been fed once on the ward because of this. So this was my expectation again. However no one has mentioned this this time (they have seen me breastfeeding him) and I've felt too awkward to ask because he's really unwell and I feel like either sounds selfish for me to just want to know if I can have food for myself!! Plus he's 20 months so not exactly a newborn so I'm not sure I still should be fed 🤔

So basically...I've not eaten since 9am this morning. I can't go to the cafe or shop in the hospital because I can't leave my 1 year old on his own. He's not in a fit state to come with me.

I'd of thought there'd atleast be a vending machine?! But I've checked and nothing.

How do single mums do this? Not everyone has relatives who are willing to bring food in!! And for the record I can't believe they don't feed ALL mums who have a poorly baby in hospital. Breastfeeding or not. It's honestly hard enough having a sick baby without also going without food until god knows when.

Thankfully my partner will be able to visit tomorrow but not until lunch time so I'm in for a very long time running on water only.

OP posts:

Moancup · 27/03/2023 21:21

My local hospital doesn’t even feed breastfeeding mums when their babies are in NICU.

Iam4eels · 27/03/2023 21:21

Double check on the peanut butter though as many children's wards are nut-free due to allergies.

CombatBarbie · 27/03/2023 21:22

Elephantinthemoon · 27/03/2023 21:17

Don't mean to drip feed but I've actually just realised...he's asleep now but he's had no dinner!! We were having tests done and lots of Dr's in and out and he was so upset after the last test I fed him to sleep. But no one brought him any tea?!
I just think really how do they expect him to get better, and me to care for him like this.

Why can't you leave him? Although I thought BF mother's were meant to be fed, even just toast would be enough.

Are you in a deliveroo area to order sandwiches/snacks/fruit for you as I imagine the hospital facilities will now be closed.

MarshaMelrose · 27/03/2023 21:22

Only patients get food at my trust. But they do have shops on site where you can buy food from, like M&S. Also, there's a cafeteria where you can buy yourself something hot. Can't you just slip out for half an hour?

thedogsmum · 27/03/2023 21:22

I was in this position years ago with my 16 month old.

You need to leave your child for a few minutes and go to the canteen/shop - let the nurses know and they may keep an eye on your son, though if you're in a shared ward you can ask another parent.

You need to eat and drink - it's awful that breastfeeding mothers aren't given food when they're in hospital with their babies, but you need to take a few minutes to make sure that you can keep going. Stock up if you can!

MithrilCostsMore · 27/03/2023 21:22

In my experience no. Get a takeaway delivered to the ward. I've done it as a single parent for eight years. You ask an assistant or student to sit with your child for half an hour during the day and go load up on snacks from shop or vending machine.

Original poster

Elephantinthemoon · 27/03/2023 21:22

Denise82 · 27/03/2023 21:17

When my son was in hospital for 3 days I wasn't fed and neither did I expect to be. There was a parents room with tea and coffee available, I simply went and got something from the vending machines or hospital shop when he slept.

But I can't leave him, he's 1 and he's having epileptic fits so I literally cannot leave him. Fairly sure the nurses would be appauled if i did. There's no vending machines, the parents kitchen is just a kettle and teabags there's no food whatsoever anywhere. If there was a machines or something on the ward I'd pop along the corridor but I'd have to go several floors away and a very long walk to get to a shop or cafe. Believe me I'm absolutley starving so if I could I would 🤣

OP posts:

Sapphire387 · 27/03/2023 21:22

I really hope your DS is better soon.

This sounds like such a tough situation.

Surely it's best to just be honest with the nurses and ask if there is any food or if they can keep an eye while you nip down to the shop to stock up?

Upsywavy · 27/03/2023 21:23

I've always been given food when DS has been in, it varies by trust though. Honestly I'd just ask them, the ward might assume you've both had something whilst in A&E (either given or bought). Just say he hasn't had any dinner can he have something when he wakes and mention you haven't eaten either and if there's anywhere you can get food- I have never worked with anyone who wouldn't sneak a sarnie or pop some toast in for a parent.

Lizzt2007 · 27/03/2023 21:23

They're not obliged to feed you, you're not the patient. They also only have an obligation to the patient once they're admitted, so I'm not surprised the a&e person was shocked. If you didn't get to the ward till 6pm then that's after meal times, so all they have is the sandwiches that are supposed to be available for patients being admitted after hours. If you're on a ward then there are nurses that can watch your baby while you go and get food. It's not your fault that you didn't have enough with you, but it's not their responsibility to rectify it. I've had to do hospital as a single parent and unfortunately sometimes you just have to brace yourself to leave your kiddie for a short time to do what needs to be done, hard as it is.

Helenloveslee4eva · 27/03/2023 21:23

Deliveroo?

RoseBucket · 27/03/2023 21:23

Just to add the hospital I help out in has the final ward food delivery at 4pm.

Throwncrumbs · 27/03/2023 21:23

Ponoka7 · 27/03/2023 21:16

You should be fed. Ask the ward manager if this is their trusts policy. The sandwiches for the patients don't last long, the Nurses grab them, but they should be able to do you toast.

Patients are fed, not relatives, that includes patients mums, the nurses don’t pinch sandwiches meant for patients, also there are no toasters on wards as they are notorious for setting off fire alarms and the fire brigade turn up…. a nearly everyday occurrence before toasters were banned!

MarshaMelrose · 27/03/2023 21:23

Sorry, just to add. I hope they find out the problem and he gets better soon. Such a worrying time for you. Best wishes.

SapphosRock · 27/03/2023 21:23

Order a Deliveroo?

SaltanVinegar · 27/03/2023 21:24

I’d understand BF mums of small babies being fed, as milk would be their main/only form of nutrition, but I wouldn’t expect it for an older baby/toddler where they were eating 3 meals a day. I’d certainly have expected your son be offered dinner tonight though.

I hope he’s better soon and you’re able to get home.

timetorefresh · 27/03/2023 21:24

When mines been in the childrens ward I've been told where I can find bread and a toaster for a donation. He was in several days though

Lovemusic33 · 27/03/2023 21:24

I have experienced this too, several times when dd has been in hospital and I have been on my own with her. We were in a private room so couldn’t find anyone to go and get us food. In the end I had to call my dad to drive in with a sandwich.

I also had a 3 day stay in hospital and surgery and only got given one meal. I had no one to bring me in anything and my parents were caring for my dc.

HappyKoala56 · 27/03/2023 21:24

I would expect you to be fed if you were exclusively breastfeeding, but in this circumstance no. However he definitely should have been fed, I would raise this with staff

LeanIntoChaos · 27/03/2023 21:24

You can probably order a take away! As a doctor, we have totally done this on night shifts. You may have to dash out to the entrance quickly when it arrives. Would you be ok with that?

Alternatively, grab a nurse and explain and if are anything like the nurses I have worked with as a paeds doctor (i.e absolutely wonderful) they will rustle you up a slightly dry cheese sandwich and a cup of tea. If you are really lucky there might be a three pack of jaffa cakes hanging around somewhere 😁

Good luck and I hope he feels better soon x

Forgooodnesssakenow · 27/03/2023 21:24

When Ive been in with mine while breastfeeding I've been fed, not only that, when in with my pre schooler in October they needed a parent there full time and that parent was routinely fed. Child gets a choice of hot meal, mum gets soup and a sandwich at lunch, toast at reakfats while child gets cereal and toast and fruit and at dinner both get a meal. And that's with an almost 5 yr old.

CombatBarbie · 27/03/2023 21:25

Elephantinthemoon · 27/03/2023 21:22

Show quote history

But the nurses are there to care for him? They can't be expecting you to stay 24/7 surely. What if you had other children?

I get you don't want to leave him but you need to look after yourself too.

SD1978 · 27/03/2023 21:25

It's hospital dependent. Some will feed mothers who are breastfeeding, up to a year, mine does not parents at all, because you're not the patient. A&E barely anyone gets fed- sandwiches usually run out pretty quickly (at least at the one I work) parents are expected to buy their own in the cafes attached to the hospital, or have someone bring some in

Toddlerteaplease · 27/03/2023 21:25

We used to feed all resident parents with a baby under 6 months. We no longer do that, but you can have a meal voucher for one meal from the canteen. And you can make toast/tea/coffee.

WorriedMillie · 27/03/2023 21:25

I’ve never been fed when DD has been in hospital. I used to tell the nurses I was dashing out to Costa and grabbing a sandwich

I hope you manage to get something soon ❤️

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