Aren't hospital supposed to feed me??

[Elephantinthemoon]

Came to A&E this morning with my 1 year old, got here for 10am. He's very poorly and we were quickly told we'd be in overnight. I expected this so I'd brought an overnight bag but only a few snacks for baby, and his water bottle nothing for myself and no meals. I'm on my own so couldn't carry a lot and based on previous experience thought I'd be fed in the hospital because I'm breastfeeding?

I am on my own, and have no one who can bring me food or anything.

We spent 7 hrs in a&e waiting to be taken to the ward. Absolute nightmare and he got through his snacks very fast (crisps, cheese, Ella bar) but I was hopeful we'd be taken to the ward "soon".

At 4pm I finally got a bit fed up and asked the nurse if he could be given something to eat. Other than his snacks he'd not eaten anything since breakfast at 8am. He'd skipped lunch because we were stuck in a & e.

Tbh the nurse seemed really shocked I was asking like I'd not brought him anything? But thing is i just hadn't expected to.be waiting so long! I thought we'd be put on a ward and he'd be fed there. Anyway she did manage to "find" him a sandwich but I wasn't offered anything.

At 6pm we were finally transferred to a room on a ward but it didn't even have water in it. I have now asked for water.

I'm breastfeeding and when we were last in hospital overnight (at christmas) I'd been fed once on the ward because of this. So this was my expectation again. However no one has mentioned this this time (they have seen me breastfeeding him) and I've felt too awkward to ask because he's really unwell and I feel like either sounds selfish for me to just want to know if I can have food for myself!! Plus he's 20 months so not exactly a newborn so I'm not sure I still should be fed 🤔

So basically...I've not eaten since 9am this morning. I can't go to the cafe or shop in the hospital because I can't leave my 1 year old on his own. He's not in a fit state to come with me.

I'd of thought there'd atleast be a vending machine?! But I've checked and nothing.

How do single mums do this? Not everyone has relatives who are willing to bring food in!! And for the record I can't believe they don't feed ALL mums who have a poorly baby in hospital. Breastfeeding or not. It's honestly hard enough having a sick baby without also going without food until god knows when.

Thankfully my partner will be able to visit tomorrow but not until lunch time so I'm in for a very long time running on water only.

In our hospital on the paediatric ward, one parent is fed as well as the child. They bring you cups of tea as well as there's no parents kitchen anymore since Covid.

Shes staying wih her kid.

That's completely normal in hospitals.

My child would be distraught if I left her and she is 5.

In my local.hospital breastfeeding mums only get fed up the child being a year old.

OP I’ve been in your situation on the children’s ward and needing to source food. You have to eat as you need to stay well to be able to care for your son.

Nowhere in the hospital will be open at this time for family or staff and the vending machines won’t fill you up.

Best advice is to order pizza to the door. Tell the nurses that you will need to leave DS for a few minutes to collect it when it arrives.

Failing that surely your partner or a relative can bring you something and meet you at the entrance?

You will have to leave your DS to shower, use the loo etc and inform the nurses when you do that so this is no different.

Personally, rules aside, I’m amazed they haven’t checked you are both ok for food and found you some biscuits or a bit of toast. The nurses have done this for me plenty of times or there were unlimited biscuits in the parents room with the tea and coffee.

This happened to me and I had to call a local take away (who knew me) and beg for help. They brought me food to the ward and were generally awesome. I always take them a present at xmas now.

There is no vending machine though, and the cafes are open only periodically so realistically you cannot get food day and night. They also give you sandwiches or toast in A and E once you are in the enclosed bits, often a volunteer comes around. Water is provided at all times, given to you so you don't wander around getting stuff. It's amazing to me how different it is in different hospitals, mine is looking more and more amazing by the day.

Hi I stayed overnight in hospital with my toddler, no breast feeding involved and was given a menu to order food for myself and the toddler.

They have to leave them in hospital. They may make an exception if one of the other children is an infant and mum is breastfeeding, but otherwise parent would have to leave to care for their other kids.

I was on a ward with someone who had been sectioned ,( it wasn't a psychiatric ward it was a general ward so she was having treatment for something else) and she managed to get a deliveroo up to the ward somehow, not quite sure how she managed it.

Can you order a food delivery company, deliveroo/just eat etc do shops as well as take aways, so you could order that and put your mobile number and the ward number and why you really need them to bring it to the ward for you? I'd do a shop and buy some bits for your son to tide you over?

I'd be clear that you need to eat so they can choose between finding food for you or looking after baby while you go get some! I'd probably order food in via deliveroo or just eat though and pop down to grab it when they're close by so you won't be gone long.

Explain the situation to the staff and they can point you in the right direction to get some food .

When my DD was in hospital for 2.5 weeks I lost half a stone and was ill by the end, from lack of sleep and food. I slept (little) on the floor of her room and did all her personal care and there was no food at available to me. There was a kettle but no teabags. Family brought food sporadically but were either looking after the older children or too far away and once DD was able to eat again after a week I ate her leftovers, if there were any.

This was before deliveroo though so if it was now I would just order food to be delivered!

Are some people not getting that this is a breast fed 1 year old who is having seizures? She can't just pop out unless there really is a nurse that will look after this baby for the full time she's away.

Ask the nurses what they reccomend about your food OP. You won't be the only one.

Tbh last time I was in hospital I ordered a full meal for baby DD who was just about weaning and ate it. I'm sure someone will accuse me misusing NHS funds or some such but I was terrified my child was going to die and there was no way I was leaving her.

OP, lt us know which hospital. I'd be happy to drop something to you. I really sympathise.

You just order and pay for a takeaway to be delivered to the ward. People do it all the time.

Why can't your partner come in until lunchtime tomorrow? Surely he could drop in some food to you quickly?

So many of us have experienced this situation and I’m sure many other similar (such as staying at the bedside of an elderly relative)
Why can’t hospitals have a food ordering/delivery service? Obviously at a cost to the non patient?
So many times I would have ordered a meal or sandwich in hospital if there was the facility to have it delivered!

hi @Elephantinthemoon . I understand your frustration but im not sure who you expect to feed you and from where it is to come from? the doctors have 684396 sick patients to attend, they have enough on to be juggling without thinking about feeding patients relatives. The british public use and abuse the system and the working conditions are awful so staff are leaving , the two together means you have to wait a long time for your turn to be seen. Who do you expect to bring you food and from where? There isnt any. Most people just need fluid - water, for sustainence. Welcome to the NHS in 2023.

At our hospital they feed bf mums with a baby under 1 but they fed me too and my dc is 2.5 (has severe autism so they knew I couldn’t leave at all) so they said the rules are flexible . It’s worth asking I’m sure they’d get you some toast at least

Hope your baby is better soon x

I presume there is a place where non patients go and buy food or you go and find a shop

I always thought food was for patients only

Once upon a time if you asked on a children's ward the answer would be yes. They should definitely be able to get something for your son for missing a meal. Our local hospital would provide a sandwich, crisps and fruit in a bag if you were at a scan during meal times. I'd suggest you order a pizza to the ward. I've done that loads of times. At other times the canteen where staff eat usually have pretty decent, reasonably priced meals you can take away. You must eat even if that means your son is upset for a few minutes. If you starve yourself it will be him that suffers when your milk supply drops. .

If you're local to me I'd drop food off, do you feel OK to share your area?

I absolutely understand why parents don't want to leave children in hospital & stay with them. Makes total sense but surely they're there as a parent, not a substitute nurse. Surely if a parent needs to leave a sleeping child briefly to get food then its for the nurses to keep an eye on them.

I dont mean sit with them the whole time, but if they're asleep surely so long as staff are aware the parent is going to find food they can listen out for the child waking etc

Not in any way trying to be goady, just a genuine question as its not something I've ever experienced

I have just returned from 24 hours in A&E with my mum who has advanced stage dementia. She couldn’t be left alone as she would’ve tried to get out of bed, is at risk of falling, would have pulled out her cannula. During her time there she was given a sandwich that she couldn’t eat because she needs soft foods, 2 cups of tea and a weetabix with milk. I managed to find some water that the nurses had to give meds so gave her that. I saw a yoghurt on the tray near the water and asked if my mum could have it as she was hungry but was told she couldn’t have it. I had a sandwich. The nurses were too busy to help us and my mum had to piss into a paper cup as no one came when I asked for a bed pan or a commode. It was a terrible experience and anyone going into A&E with a young child or vulnerable person needs to be sure to bring in food, drinks and anything else they will need. A&E is not set up to care for people for long periods of time but with me beds on the wards that’s what they’re having to do.

That would be a great idea, esp in a and e