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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aren't hospital supposed to feed me??

675 replies

Elephantinthemoon · 27/03/2023 21:10

Came to A&E this morning with my 1 year old, got here for 10am. He's very poorly and we were quickly told we'd be in overnight. I expected this so I'd brought an overnight bag but only a few snacks for baby, and his water bottle nothing for myself and no meals. I'm on my own so couldn't carry a lot and based on previous experience thought I'd be fed in the hospital because I'm breastfeeding?

I am on my own, and have no one who can bring me food or anything.

We spent 7 hrs in a&e waiting to be taken to the ward. Absolute nightmare and he got through his snacks very fast (crisps, cheese, Ella bar) but I was hopeful we'd be taken to the ward "soon".

At 4pm I finally got a bit fed up and asked the nurse if he could be given something to eat. Other than his snacks he'd not eaten anything since breakfast at 8am. He'd skipped lunch because we were stuck in a & e.

Tbh the nurse seemed really shocked I was asking like I'd not brought him anything? But thing is i just hadn't expected to.be waiting so long! I thought we'd be put on a ward and he'd be fed there. Anyway she did manage to "find" him a sandwich but I wasn't offered anything.

At 6pm we were finally transferred to a room on a ward but it didn't even have water in it. I have now asked for water.

I'm breastfeeding and when we were last in hospital overnight (at christmas) I'd been fed once on the ward because of this. So this was my expectation again. However no one has mentioned this this time (they have seen me breastfeeding him) and I've felt too awkward to ask because he's really unwell and I feel like either sounds selfish for me to just want to know if I can have food for myself!! Plus he's 20 months so not exactly a newborn so I'm not sure I still should be fed 🤔

So basically...I've not eaten since 9am this morning. I can't go to the cafe or shop in the hospital because I can't leave my 1 year old on his own. He's not in a fit state to come with me.

I'd of thought there'd atleast be a vending machine?! But I've checked and nothing.

How do single mums do this? Not everyone has relatives who are willing to bring food in!! And for the record I can't believe they don't feed ALL mums who have a poorly baby in hospital. Breastfeeding or not. It's honestly hard enough having a sick baby without also going without food until god knows when.

Thankfully my partner will be able to visit tomorrow but not until lunch time so I'm in for a very long time running on water only.

OP posts:
JudgeRudy · 27/03/2023 21:48

Albiboba · 27/03/2023 21:34

@JudgeRudy I don't mean to be provocative but why are you still there? I've not had much to do with paediatric wards but aren't there staff to look after him? Do parents usually hang around? Are you there simply to comfort him?

It is completely normal for a parent to stay with their child who is in hospital. What’s wrong with being there to ‘simply comfort him’?
I’ve not see a child under about 11 on their own any of the times I have stayed on a kids ward.
I also can’t imagine many would leave their 1 year old alone in hospital while they went home and slept.

I wasn't implying there was anything wrong with that, just trying to work out why she was there. My only dealings with paediatrics was trauma, and my son 7 was unconscious for the majority of his stay. I visited every day as did his dad (not together) but I didn't stay over night. The lad in the next bed had his mum come in most days, but no one hanging around all day.

Icedlatteplease · 27/03/2023 21:48

Yy ask for help on Facebook. You'd be surprised how many people would help

Having been in your position more than once ask for either pot noodles or those mug shot pastas and some tins of sweetcorn.

Tbh most occasions I wouldn’t leave my child to the care of nurses anyway so i totally get not leaving (I don't have a high opinion of many nurses)

SpringViolet · 27/03/2023 21:48

It is very difficult to leave a child on a hospital ward who needs observation. especially a baby/toddler! The nurses don’t generally want to stay with the child IME. It’s a ridiculous situation and horrendous for parents on their own with no one to come in with food or to watch the child for s bit.

I was on a ward with DS (12) for 3 days/2 nights and DH and I took turns staying with him and we did get breakfast - tea and toast and a sandwich at lunchtime if there was only one of us there.

I watched a toddler a few times so his mum could go to the loo! He was attached to a monitor so couldn’t go anywhere with her.

MrsMAC1234 · 27/03/2023 21:48

When my daughter was in hospital I was starving, I used to eat all her leftovers!

Therellbenobutterinhell123 · 27/03/2023 21:48

When my child was 5 she spent a week on a children's ward very unwell. I stayed with her the whole time including nights and got fed 3 times a day. Parents had to pay a pound a day and let the kids choose first but we absolutely were fed. I remember we all queued orderly every mealtime lol. We also had use of a small kitchen where we could make ourselves tea and coffee again with a contribution towards. One kind nurse even brought me in her travel mug from home as open hot drinks weren't allowed on the ward. We also didn't have to pay for parking. This was about 5 years ago.

gawditswindy · 27/03/2023 21:49

When I was in outpatients with DD (in from 9-ish till 4) they brought me soup and a sandwich at lunchtime.

Micemice · 27/03/2023 21:49

I’m sure you are starving, I know it’s far from ideal that your son hasn’t been offered food- that’s really poor. I would not hesitate at all to order a deliveroo or just eat and get delivered to the hospital and tell the nurse station to watch your son. As you’ve had no food all day and need to collect a delivery! They honestly will not mind in the slightest or think you are being unreasonable- tell them you feel unwell as you havnt eaten and also son wasn’t offered anything. While I’ve been in hospital I saw so so many deliveries to the ward/ door and mainly to the nurses station for their one meals. Please speak up and get ordering!

Itstarts · 27/03/2023 21:50

There's usually a parent room to make tea/coffee. Get your partner to stock up on pot noodles or similar for you.

cittigirl · 27/03/2023 21:50

Can your partner bring something in for you before tomorrow?

Original poster
Elephantinthemoon · 27/03/2023 21:50

TrainersAltonTowersWontKill · 27/03/2023 21:32

"Thankfully my partner will be able to visit tomorrow"

Hold on. His dad can visit but not until tomorrow? Is he out of the country?

We have other children, including his twin. He's had to be at home to a) work from home, b) pick up older children from school and put them to bed. By the time we realised the situation that we weren't being put on the ward until this evening and I wasn't going to be fed, he was at home with the other kids and it was bedtime. We are an hour from the hospital as well. He's coming tomorrow once school run is done and he's taken twin to an unrelated appointment.

OP posts:
StreamingCervix · 27/03/2023 21:50

Honestly, where’s your partner? Id be really bloody disappointed in anyone I deemed good enough to call a partner not bothering to turn up for me and my young child.

I understand some people truly are standing alone in this world and that’s a really sad place to be, but this is one of those times where it’s expected that the friends/family actually turn up as a support, not when they can manage to pop in with their schedule.

SpringViolet · 27/03/2023 21:51

DS was 12 when admitted last summer and we were told someone had to be on the ward with him including overnight.

drspouse · 27/03/2023 21:51

IME (not BF) the nurses will watch the baby while you nip to the canteen or vending machine. I think at 6 months if EBF they'd feed you but not if over 1 and on solids.

kwpesi · 27/03/2023 21:51

You seem determined not to try and find a solution OP.

emily01bristol · 27/03/2023 21:51

Deliveroo? I was in hospital with my son for five nights last year, as a single mum, and used that for evening meals and the hospital shop for a sandwich at lunch. You can see when the driver arrives so you aren’t waiting around - just nip and collect it which doesn’t take much longer than popping to the loo, which presumably you are able to do.

It’s a shame the NHS can’t provide it but since they can’t afford to pay their staff properly I completely understand they can’t feed non patients.

Hope your son is better soon x

AgathaMystery · 27/03/2023 21:52

OP just get a Deliveroo. Happens on wards ALL the time. Seriously.

TommytheSquirrell · 27/03/2023 21:52

They aren’t really supposed to feed the parents. However I think they’d understand in your circumstances, even if they just give you some toast/sandwich/ fruit.
I’m a children’s nurse and quite often slip parents food when they can’t leave for whatever reason. Sometimes we are able to give them full meals because otherwise they won’t get eaten anyway.

I’d ask, I genuinely don’t believe it’s in yours or your child’s best interests for you to be hungry and there will be something you can have!

runsense · 27/03/2023 21:52

Could you order some food from Uber eats or deliveroo and request the delivery person comes upstair? if you explain the reason in the instruction box they might understand

WeWereInParis · 27/03/2023 21:52

I was fed when I DD2 was admitted to hospital, I didn't really think about it at the time - I think if I had I'd have thought it was because of course I couldn't leave her to get food myself (she was only 6 weeks old). But since then I've learned that it was probably because I was breastfeeding.

Maybe for a 20 month old they don't feed the mum because breast milk isn't the child's only food/you're probably not breastfeeding as much?

PartingGift · 27/03/2023 21:52

Marmaladesarnie · 27/03/2023 21:45

So many of us have experienced this situation and I’m sure many other similar (such as staying at the bedside of an elderly relative)
Why can’t hospitals have a food ordering/delivery service? Obviously at a cost to the non patient?
So many times I would have ordered a meal or sandwich in hospital if there was the facility to have it delivered!

Money. There also wouldn't be much of a market for it if people have to pay, when they can order a subway sandwich etc to be delivered instead.

Also sandwiches have been linked to listeria outbreaks in hospitals where patients have died, so hospitals would be probably very reluctant to let a private company come in and deliver them to wards, while still taking some responsibility for them if that makes sense.

Keha · 27/03/2023 21:52

I don't know what the "rules" are but I was fed when my baby was admitted. I was breastfeeding but he was actually getting formula through an NG tube for much of it and no-one ever asked breastfeeding. I would ask a staff member, even if it's if they can watch him, you can't just not eat for hours and hours.

KILM · 27/03/2023 21:53

Surely you just ask your partner to bring you food. Maybe have a word with the nurses to check your partner would be let into the ward to drop but I would have thought it was a very common scenario for peaks. Surprised everyone's saying order deliveroo etc, it's always family/friends dropping food off around here (lot trickier during covid obviously)

ThatFraggle · 27/03/2023 21:53

Speak to someone.

"We've been here since xpm last night and all he's been given are, xyz. What are the arrangements for his food?

They'll say what they say.

Then you: And I'm in the same boat but I didn't even have [what he had]. What are the ways other parents who are on their own get something to eat? I'm worried about leaving him alone to go to the shop because he is very poorly and will be scared by himself.

KILM · 27/03/2023 21:54

Sorry, just seen your last update! Apologies

TommytheSquirrell · 27/03/2023 21:54

Also if there’s any student nurses about their quite often happy to stay with your child while you nip out.

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