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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To suggest this event isn't suitable for DGD and DIL?

432 replies

MorrisCo · 27/03/2023 18:59

DH are celebrating a big wedding anniversary next month and a while ago discussed with DS and DIL we would like to do a lunch to celebrate and said it would be us, them plus their DD (4) our DGD and only grandchild.

The lunch is in a fairly nice restaurant and now I'm thinking about it I thought it could be more suitable for everyone to keep the occasion child free as DGD wouldn't enjoy the restaurant. I told DH I was going to suggest this to DS. It would mean DIL couldn't come to the meal either as we would be their only childcare for DGD so the meal would be me, my husband and my son. I was going to suggest a more child friendly celebration to include DGD on another day.

DH thinks it could cause offence but I think the occasion isn't suitable for a young child. WIBU to suggest a different separate event as well and keep the meal to just us three?

OP posts:
HaggisBurger · 27/03/2023 19:00

Really unreasonable yes.

SeulementUneFois · 27/03/2023 19:00

I agree with you but you'll be slaughtered here.

meatballsagain · 27/03/2023 19:00

Seriously?

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 27/03/2023 19:01

Take a device or some activity books, she'll be fine.

Gassylady · 27/03/2023 19:01

I think in your position I would do a family meal and then reserve the nice place for you and your husband. Seems likely to cause friction otherwise

MargaretThursday · 27/03/2023 19:01

Reverse?

marshmallowsforbreakfast · 27/03/2023 19:01

If it's just you five going, change the
Restaurant to somewhere more suitable?

Ponoka7 · 27/03/2023 19:01

Yes have a meal with your DH and then the family friendly one. You shouldn't have invited them and then changed your mind. This could cause a rift that you never recover from. I say that as a GM.

rubyslippers · 27/03/2023 19:02

YABU
change the event to suit the whole family which doesn’t sound big as it is (so excluding your DIL and DGC sounds really odd)
if you can afford to do two things, celebrate with your DH at the posh restaurant

AngelDelightUK · 27/03/2023 19:02

I take it you don’t want your DIL to go really then?!

OneSmallStepUp · 27/03/2023 19:02

The time to make that decision was before you invited them.

bigknickersbigknockers · 27/03/2023 19:02

Very unreasonable. Why dont you arrange the restaurant for you and DH and then the child friendly option for another day where DG can attend?

Gassylady · 27/03/2023 19:02

Not nice to offer a nice restaurant for all then basically exclude your DIL

BadAngel · 27/03/2023 19:03

Weird.

You and husband have a nice meal. Then do something with your son and family.

RoddyStJames · 27/03/2023 19:03

You don’t like your DIL do you?

CupidStuntt · 27/03/2023 19:04

This HAS to be a reverse!!!

YABVVVU considering you've already discussed it. Why the hell would you want to now change it to only you 2 and your DS? Weird!!

TruffleShuffles · 27/03/2023 19:04

Has to be a reverse. My daughter is 4 and is perfectly fine in nice restaurants.

RaininSummer · 27/03/2023 19:04

It doesn't sound like much of a family celebration if half the family can't come. Agree to have fancy dinner just you and husband and then at family friendly choice for all of you.

ExtraOnions · 27/03/2023 19:05

How do you know DGD won’t enjoy the restaurant ?

IhearyouClemFandango · 27/03/2023 19:05

I'd say you were unreasonable tbh. Have a family meal and more intimate one just you and DH at posh one.

That said, all 3 of mine would have been perfectly fine in a posh restaurant at 4. The issue will be the uninviting, changing your mind. That seems hurtful.

Then again I wouldn't be overly fussed about staying home anyway and I doubt a 4 yr old would care either way.

Quartz2208 · 27/03/2023 19:05

A fairly nice restaurant sounds fine for a four year old you have already invited.

Either change it to the two of you and then do something the 5 or keep

Snorlaxing · 27/03/2023 19:05

I would go to the restaurant which just your h and do something more family friendly with your son and his family another time.

Changing it now could cause offense if they think it's a dig about granddaughter's behaviour or picky eating. If you invited just your son in the first place it wouldn't be so rude.

WeWereInParis · 27/03/2023 19:05

Do the nice restaurant just you and your DH, then something else with your son, DIL and grandchild.

JessicaBrassica · 27/03/2023 19:05

How would that be received by your dil?

What is your relationship usually like?

If my mil did this to me I'd tell her to crack on but would use it as an excuse to not bother with her any more. We don't have any kind of relationship - and I try to remain civil for dhs sake.

whatyoulookingfor · 27/03/2023 19:05

YABVVVVVVVU. Also could they not just get a babysitter for a few hours-you could offer to pay for one. You clearly don't want DIL there. If this were my DH he would refuse to come on principle