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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To suggest this event isn't suitable for DGD and DIL?

432 replies

MorrisCo · 27/03/2023 18:59

DH are celebrating a big wedding anniversary next month and a while ago discussed with DS and DIL we would like to do a lunch to celebrate and said it would be us, them plus their DD (4) our DGD and only grandchild.

The lunch is in a fairly nice restaurant and now I'm thinking about it I thought it could be more suitable for everyone to keep the occasion child free as DGD wouldn't enjoy the restaurant. I told DH I was going to suggest this to DS. It would mean DIL couldn't come to the meal either as we would be their only childcare for DGD so the meal would be me, my husband and my son. I was going to suggest a more child friendly celebration to include DGD on another day.

DH thinks it could cause offence but I think the occasion isn't suitable for a young child. WIBU to suggest a different separate event as well and keep the meal to just us three?

OP posts:
slowquickstep · 27/03/2023 19:45

So you have invited your DIL, now you want to uninvite her ? That will be the end of the relationship you have with her and your Grandchild.

Lovingitallnow · 27/03/2023 19:45

I do wonder would you get a shock though, because if our dc were uninvited from a situation like that I think dh would assume it was all of us, and not just me and the kids. It wouldn't cross his mind to go without us unless it was a large family occasion.

ManchesterGirl2 · 27/03/2023 19:46

YABVU to uninvite them after already discussing it.

CupidStuntt · 27/03/2023 19:46

I dont think it's a reverse, I think its a wind up! OP hasn't even bothered coming back.

Oysterbabe · 27/03/2023 19:47

Incredibly rude to uninvite someone.
Most 4 year olds will be fine in a nice restaurant for lunch.

ChimChimeny · 27/03/2023 19:47

I've never understood why wedding anniversaries are anything to do with anyone except the ones who got married. We get a card every year from MIL & FUL when. We don't even give each other one

LifeInAHamsterWheel · 27/03/2023 19:47

Yep. You are being very unreasonable.

Starwarslover · 27/03/2023 19:48

I completely agree with you……if you’d decided this before organising!! It’s too late now and you will cause offence. Be very careful here OP, don’t push away your DIL and only grandchild.

Stickstickstickstickstick · 27/03/2023 19:48

I was going to say that I’d be upset if my ILs did this to me. But they wouldn’t, because they’re nice people.

AdaColeman · 27/03/2023 19:49

A good lesson in how to become a loathed Mother in Law.

If I were your Daughter in Law, you wouldn't be seeing much of me or my child after you behaved like that to me.

TimeForMeToF1y · 27/03/2023 19:51

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 27/03/2023 19:01

Take a device or some activity books, she'll be fine.

How do you know that?

Not alll young children are biddable with some kind of screen or coloring book, no way would mine have been at that age

No ideal aolution unfortunately

twitterexile · 27/03/2023 19:51

This HAS to be a reverse? If not I really have no words.

Clusterfunk · 27/03/2023 19:54

I call reverse. And yes it’s unreasonable but you know that.

soupey1 · 27/03/2023 19:54

YABU, for my parents 40th wedding anniversary they booked a posh hotel. We went with our three young children (7,4&4) as did my brother with his four (11,8,8&7) - everyone had a lovely time. The children all behaved wonderfully and it was great all being together to celebrate. I assume you don’t like dil that you want to exclude her.

Coyoacan · 27/03/2023 19:54

Grandmother of the century, aren't you?

My dgd has always been very well behaved in restaurants.

theemmadilemma · 27/03/2023 19:54

Rude. I'd be offended and I don't have or want children. But that just seems rude. If you want to try that restaurant go with DH.

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/03/2023 19:54

marshmallowsforbreakfast · 27/03/2023 19:01

If it's just you five going, change the
Restaurant to somewhere more suitable?

@marshmallowsforbreakfast

why should she?? It’s OP’s wedding anniversary not her kids and not her grankids

princessleah1 · 27/03/2023 19:55

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Bournetilly · 27/03/2023 19:55

YABU especially because you’ve decided your DIL isn’t coming. How do you know they won’t be able to get a baby sitter?
Why don’t you and DH go to the fancy restaurant just you two and then book somewhere more family friendly for all of you?

princessleah1 · 27/03/2023 19:56

Wrong thread, I've asked for it to be removed!

Lancrelady80 · 27/03/2023 19:57

Rightly or wrongly, the only way this will come across is that you don't want your DiL there. (Potentially gd too.) Just you, your oh and your ds. Absolutely it will cause offence.

Ways out of this (as I am taking it on face value and that there is no reason you want to exclude dil, and that the place you have in mind is just not appropriate for a 4 year old)

  • arrange a babysitter so dil can still come
  • suggest your son organises a playdate for gd with a friend so you can all have grown up celebrations
  • have this meal with just you and oh, and another more family oriented meal with everyone
  • change venue to somewhere everyone will be okay with
  • give gd the benefit of the doubt, take along colouring/table games/a device and let her show how grown up she can be

Do not be that MiL!!!!

TranielPratspliff · 27/03/2023 19:57

I think this is one of those "made up by MNHQ for traffic" posts, as nobody would be this stupid.

Lcb123 · 27/03/2023 19:57

If I was your DIL I’d be upset. Go to the nice restaurant just you and your DH. Then go another day something more child friendly with everyone

Isledelaray · 27/03/2023 19:57

If this is real...

How would you feel if it was your son's birthday (for example) and they decided everyone but you could go as you were needed for childcare?

I'd choose a different celebration and go to the restaurant with your husband another time.

Meandfour · 27/03/2023 19:58

Really weird. Do you not like your DIL?