To suggest this event isn't suitable for DGD and DIL?

[MorrisCo]

DH are celebrating a big wedding anniversary next month and a while ago discussed with DS and DIL we would like to do a lunch to celebrate and said it would be us, them plus their DD (4) our DGD and only grandchild.

The lunch is in a fairly nice restaurant and now I'm thinking about it I thought it could be more suitable for everyone to keep the occasion child free as DGD wouldn't enjoy the restaurant. I told DH I was going to suggest this to DS. It would mean DIL couldn't come to the meal either as we would be their only childcare for DGD so the meal would be me, my husband and my son. I was going to suggest a more child friendly celebration to include DGD on another day.

DH thinks it could cause offence but I think the occasion isn't suitable for a young child. WIBU to suggest a different separate event as well and keep the meal to just us three?

I think it’s been said enough but I think yabvu

You’ve invited your DIL and DGD to a family event and now what to tell her ‘actually you can’t come now but our son can’

I take my kids everywhere to all sorts of restaurants and they’re very well behaved, reason being because we’ve never excluded them. Keep the fancy restaurant for you and your husband and take your family somewhere else if it bothers you that much

Ouch, I am glad you are not my mil.

Yes, you’re right. I didn’t read it properly!

So you don't want DIL to have to be looking after DGD all meal... so your solution is to take DS out for a meal leaving DIL looking after DGD all bloody evening while you guys have a lovely time.

You don't think DIL "lets" you see DGD as much as you like and you're not as close to DGD as you'd like to be - but being close to your grandkid requires work on your side as well - and shoving her and her mother away cos their existence is a bit inconvenient for you at this point in time is not putting in any effort from you.

You're an utter steaming entitled twat of a MIL who thinks that your DIL exists to be a uterus and childminding service - wheel the grandkiddies out whenever YOU decide it's convenient for you to actually remember they exist and go for brownie points from your own friends about how amazing you are and doesn't even consider that your precious son has had any input into the production or rearing of this child whatsoever.

Can't wait till they're involved in picking your nursing home in the future. I hear the Trunchbull is available.

If children don't get taken to restaurants then how can they ever learn how to behave in them? That's besides the point though, you can't invite someone and then say 'oh actually I don't want children there so you can't come' so it's a bit late now even if you do want it child free.

What are you on about your son and his family want to take you out but you think your doing your grandchild and her mum a favour ! You can't honestly believe this is what you are doing.

Not a terrible MIL. But certainly one who maybe needs to think ahead a bt more when making arrangements. We try to adapt our celebrations to be suitable for the age of GC. I think excluding your DIL even though for the right reasons in thinking of your GD would definitely cause hurt and offence.

So you are going ahead with DGD coming. Why not make up a special "bag" for her with little toys and special books and little pens and colouring etc ...al things that she has not seen before that can keep her occupied over the meal. Make it special for her too and hopefully avoid difficulties for your son and DIL a parents and you as grandparents. Happy Anniversary when it happens