Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To suggest this event isn't suitable for DGD and DIL?

432 replies

MorrisCo · 27/03/2023 18:59

DH are celebrating a big wedding anniversary next month and a while ago discussed with DS and DIL we would like to do a lunch to celebrate and said it would be us, them plus their DD (4) our DGD and only grandchild.

The lunch is in a fairly nice restaurant and now I'm thinking about it I thought it could be more suitable for everyone to keep the occasion child free as DGD wouldn't enjoy the restaurant. I told DH I was going to suggest this to DS. It would mean DIL couldn't come to the meal either as we would be their only childcare for DGD so the meal would be me, my husband and my son. I was going to suggest a more child friendly celebration to include DGD on another day.

DH thinks it could cause offence but I think the occasion isn't suitable for a young child. WIBU to suggest a different separate event as well and keep the meal to just us three?

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 27/03/2023 20:01

Go with your husband for the meal and plan something with your family, it would just cause bad feeling if you excluded your sons wife .don't you think ?

TomeTome · 27/03/2023 20:03

My husband would politely decline. We’d both think you were incredibly rude. It would make us feel you didn’t think you didn’t feel his wife and child were real family and we’d probably feel you weren’t really family afterwards and spend more time as a smaller family unit or with his ILs.

What a glorious celebration of your marriage.😧

ActDottie · 27/03/2023 20:03

It seems a bit weird. I can’t imagine going for a meal just my parents and me. As others have said keep the nice restaurant for you and husband and do another meal somewhere else.

BertaHoon · 27/03/2023 20:04

Do you not like your grandkids? Your legacy?

I'm sure it's all been said.

Jog on, have your pish posh dinner. Lose your family.

ItsTimeToWine · 27/03/2023 20:04

You want to take just your son out? He's married with children though, it's pretty dam rude to invite your son and family out and then say "actually no, we just want to invite our son" do you realise how this looks? Incredibly rude to your dil. If you have decided you don't want children there, change the venue of this meal to somewhere child friendly and do the nice place with just your husband. You can't uninvite someone once you've asked them.

CoffeeWithCheese · 27/03/2023 20:04

Well assuming it's not a reverse...

You're sending a nice message to your beloved granddaughter that her and her mum matter less to you than her dad does.
You're REALLY sending a shitty message to DIL - whether that's intentional or not. Also heading to nicely piss off your son by telling him to ditch his wife and kid for a nice meal because his child can't be trusted to behave herself (at 4 both of mine would have been fine in a restaurant with a bag of things to use to keep them entertained between food... at age 11 - they don't fecking shut up and are harder work on meals out)

If you're not wanting to "waste" the nice dinner on the child (or "waste" it on your DIL more like) then you book a basic nice family Italian meal or similar for all of you then you and your DH piss off for the mega posh meal at a later date.

If it's NOT a reverse or a made up one - please DO post back how this goes because it's set up to be a corker of a family rift.

Unicorn2022 · 27/03/2023 20:05

Totally a reverse - we had the DIL's side the other week

SweetCoriander · 27/03/2023 20:06

CupidStuntt · 27/03/2023 19:46

I dont think it's a reverse, I think its a wind up! OP hasn't even bothered coming back.

Wouldn't surprise me. This place is full of them.

PizzaPizza56 · 27/03/2023 20:07

LOL I be DIL will be glad not to have to spend time with you!!

Glitteratitar · 27/03/2023 20:13

SweetCoriander · 27/03/2023 20:06

Wouldn't surprise me. This place is full of them.

Show quote history

I really don’t get how fake threads are entertainment though!

TuesdayJulyNever · 27/03/2023 20:15

As long as you’re happy if dil comes and ds stays home to mind gc.

Bamboux · 27/03/2023 20:16

You know reverses count as trolling, right?

Hbh17 · 27/03/2023 20:16

Well, only the couple themselves actually care about their wedding anniversary, so obviously the fancy restaurant should be for you and your husband only.
If you think it's necessary to include the family, pick somewhere child-friendly for an additional event. You really can't invite your son to something and exclude his wife!

LaughingSomnambulist · 27/03/2023 20:18

This is a reverse, right? No one is this dim.

Of course you are being unreasonable and cannot do that. Either it is a family event or it isn’t. If it isn’t, then you and your husband can go out alone. if it is for family then your son can bring his wife and child and you go to a different restaurant or just go to the planned one and see how it goes.

TrainersAltonTowersWontKill · 27/03/2023 20:18

Reverses are so boring

Newuser82 · 27/03/2023 20:18

Ah I know it's your celebration so obviously invite who you want but I honestly would be gutted. My 4 year old sits beautifully at a restaurant and that's without the use of a phone or whatever. Id be really hurt if they were excluded from such a lovely family event.

Moveoverdarlin · 27/03/2023 20:22

I’ve got a 4 year daughter, I took her to The Ivy on Saturday. She loved toasting her little glass, the waiters gave her fizzy water in a champagne glass, she took some colouring, she put her best dress on, she loved it.

Seems you’ve got a small family anyway and your suggesting to leave two of them at home. Surely just you, your DH and DS will be a bit um…underwhelming! Won’t your one and only grandchild liven things up? When it was my parents 50th wedding anniversary, they paid for all four adult children, all six grandchildren who were aged 1-4 to go for a slap-up meal and we had a fab time.

Bunniesandsquirrels · 27/03/2023 20:22

Yeah, a bit of a shit thing to do, are you my MIL by any chance? I know you are not, but it's the kind of shit thing a shit MIL like mine would do. Happy anniversary though 🥂

Madamecastafiore · 27/03/2023 20:23

The celebration is between you and your husband, do the posh thing with the two of you and then something less so later on when the kids can attend.

My DH wouldn't go if it meant DC and I were excluded, he'd think it very odd.

HolidayHappy123 · 27/03/2023 20:24

How ridiculous. It’s not the bloody coronation! It’s a family lunch in a ‘fairly nice’ restaurant.

A sticker book and tablet with headphones is all that is needed to keep a 4 year old entertained.

Unless of course you really don’t want your DGD and DIL to join you. In which case I think it sounds a bit of a lamé celebration. I can’t imagine celebrating milestones without my family.

Bananagirl23 · 27/03/2023 20:30

So weird - a romantic anniversary dinner… for 3?? Wouldn’t your son feel strange being there without his family?

azimuth299 · 27/03/2023 20:31

It's mean to uninvite your DGD and DIL. Either invite them all, or save the fancy restaurant for you and DH, and have a separate more family-friendly meal with DS, DIL and DGD.

For a wedding anniversary it would probably be nice to go out with just your DH anyway, wouldn't it?

MarchingBand · 27/03/2023 20:33

I think just the 3 of you for a fancy lunch for your wedding anniversary is strange. It's really just a special celebration for you and your DH - I've never celebrated with my parents.
Have a fancy lunch for the 2 of you and then a family friendly celebration with you son and his family.

NormaTheWife · 27/03/2023 20:35

Is it about the food or you celebrating your time together and your resultant family @MorrisCo ?

wheretoyougonow · 27/03/2023 20:35

It's Pizza Express isn't it? Don't worry I think you will be fine with all 5 of you. Sure, it's 'fairly nice' and certain royals may visit but they will provide paper and crayons to keep little ones entertained. It beats going on a date with your adult son watching.

Swipe left for the next trending thread