To not breastfeed the third child?

[cityle]

So I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old.
I breastfeed my 5 year old till 2 (actually when I got pregnant with the second then my milk diminished)

And now I'm still breastfeeding my 2 year old and I'm 18 weeks pregnant (waiting for the milk to stop because I'm going insane and it's painful now)

My husband thinks I'm being completely hypocritical that I've decided I don't want to breastfeed my third baby.

But honestly, I've never been able to lose weight until ironically when I stopped BF and was pregnant!

And I've found it very suffocating for basically 5 years now!

This baby was not planned and my 2 year old still doesn't sleep through the night. My 5 year old did when she stopped feeding!

And if I'm frankly honest, all my friends with FF babies tend to live easier stress free lives. The babies appear more content and happier and the thought of my breast not being my own again for another 2 or so years is daunting!

I've also started getting Bf aversions and I think it's contributed to post natal depression in the past!

Would I regret it?! Am I being unreasonable?

Yanbu

You do what works for you.

Do whatever you like, it's your body ! Yanbu.

I know!

I just know my in-laws will say how I'm being unfair etc but ironically even though there is a new baby coming.. I need to put myself first!

It's completely your choice!

I had a 3 year gap between DC2 and DC3 and I had aversion in pregnancy with DC2. I almost couldn't face BF DC3. I even put a line in the budget for formula for a year and bottles because the thought of it was that awful I just wanted to have an out.

DC2 stopped feeding when I was 6 months pregnant and it was such a relief. I then went on to have DC3 and just fed him from day 1 like it was the most natural thing in the world. No issues at all! In fact I don't think he even had any formula ever, even when weaning. It must have been totally a hormonal thing while I was pregnant. And even though early in the pregnancy I had thought I might end up tandem feeding, I was really glad I hadn't.

So I would say plan for whatever you like, it's your body and it certainly doesn't need to come down to fairness. You cannot possibly treat every child exactly the same anyway. But also be prepared for the idea that he might arrive and you might just carry on as you always have done, so I wouldn't get too entrenched in any arguments with DH. Surely if the baby arrives and you can't face feeding, DH is not going to insist that you continue.

It’s completely your choice, of course but i’d try for at least 6months.
I always though bf is less stressful than ff, no bottle prep, milk immediately ready etc.

However every individual’s circumstances are different. Do what is best for you and your family.

YANBU - I have never breastfed as I didn’t want to be the person solely responsible for feeding DC for example, other people can do feeds and it’s not all down to you. Plus I had heard way too many horror stories about cluster feeding for hours on end and that just wouldn’t work for me, call me selfish but I did need to look after myself first before being able to care for DC, especially as I also had a history of PND and really suffered with my mental health throughout and after pregnancy

That’s a bit of a shitty and unnecessary comment if I’m being completely honest. Circumstances change, for example with your first baby you don’t have other children to care for etc so it’s probably easier to devote your time to breastfeeding. You shouldn’t be trying to shame someone over this.

I hear you OP but I really think you have to at least give a few weeks or months of breastfeeding to baby 3. I know it’s so tough. Could you consider mixed feeding? Good luck momma

Completely your choice but if you've not FF before I'd look in to the practicalities of it to get an idea if it suits you. Depending on how easy you find BF to establish there is a lot of extra prep involved.

YANBU to make your own decisions about feeding how you want to feed.

I would probably wait until the baby arrives to make any firm decisions - having fed a toddler through aversion it completely disappeared for me when the new baby arrived. But it’s your body and you should use it the way you want to.

At least give baba few weeks of breastmilk then go on to formula.

If I were you I'd actively wean the 2 year old off breastfeeding now to give you some space and a chance to regroup and see how you feel when the next baby comes along. You might still feel the same in which case there is nothing wrong with formula! But it will at least give you a chance to get back to a place where you want to breastfeed.

YANBU for considering putting yourself first though - I just wouldn't want you to potentially regret it later :)

Agree, wean the 2 year old and give yourself a break while you can.

I can understand why you wouldn't want to, and I think from a health point of view then putting yourself first is important. But I don't think you can ignore the effect on a third child of not being treated as well. Third children are difficult and should be given no reason to think they aren't as loved. If you choose not to breastfeed do not make a big deal of it. Do not talk about it to your other children.

It will be forgotten about if you let it. Being a good Mum is the important thing.

Your body your choice obviously.

yoj may feel differently about breastfeeding when baby arrives

I would do it for the first couple of months then stop, I fed my 2.5 year old until about 20 weeks pregnant with my now 7 week old. I'm combi feeding her - mostly breast and expressed milk but the odd bottle of ready made formula if we're out.

Your choice and none of your in laws business. You don’t even have to decide in advance, see how you feel when the baby is born. On an individual basis it makes so little difference to the baby but can make a big difference to you (for positive or negative).

I breastfed my first baby and not my second; complex reasons for that which I don’t tend to share as I don’t consider I need to justify myself but no regrets; there were pros to breastfeeding and pros to formula feeding. If I have another baby I’ve no idea which i’d do. Certainly no difference in either child or bonding for me and if anything DHs bond with our second was better as a baby as he could feed to but then there’s ways around that with breastfeeding too but that never really worked out for us

YANBU however you could try and combi feed? I know someone whose baby mostly breastfed but her husband gave baby a bottle of formula in the night. Do whatever works for you.

Next time I think I would breastfeed again but I'd be determined not to have another baby that wouldn't take a bottle. That's what happened to me and then I felt like I had no choice but to carry on until we could introduce solid food and a sippy cup.

YANBU regardless of what anyone thinks.

FWIW I combi fed (pumping and topping up with formula, no direct feeding) my first and EBF my second. I've vowed of I did ever have a 3rd then I would absolutely not be EBF again by choice. I'd be willing to combi feed but I think I'd be aiming to do a ~7pm and ~2am formula feed from day 1 so the pressure of bed times and night feeds didn't all have to be on me. And I say that as someone who is still feeding my second who is now 19months

Can you combi feed? I did with dd1 and dd2, felt like the the best of both worlds. Mostly bf (and only bf during the night wakings) and 1-2 bottles during the day.

Just to add though you don’t need to do it for 2 years like you have your others; you can do it however you want

It's not shaming, it's saying how I would feel. I tried to treat my babies the same in terms of feeding, nurseries etc.

Controversial but does pumping work for you at all? I had to do it with my second not by choice but when you pump exclusively you pulp 3hourly for 12w to get an oversupply then reduce, so by 4 months I was down to 4 pumps a day (20 minutes where I got to sit on my backside and not feel guilty about it) then down to morning, noon and night pump not long after that. By 6mpp I had enough milk stored to last well over a year so happily stopped and was all done and could lose some weight. If I ever have a third I would absolutely pump again.