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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not breastfeed the third child?

271 replies

cityle · 25/03/2023 12:29

So I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old.
I breastfeed my 5 year old till 2 (actually when I got pregnant with the second then my milk diminished)

And now I'm still breastfeeding my 2 year old and I'm 18 weeks pregnant (waiting for the milk to stop because I'm going insane and it's painful now)

My husband thinks I'm being completely hypocritical that I've decided I don't want to breastfeed my third baby.

But honestly, I've never been able to lose weight until ironically when I stopped BF and was pregnant!

And I've found it very suffocating for basically 5 years now!

This baby was not planned and my 2 year old still doesn't sleep through the night. My 5 year old did when she stopped feeding!

And if I'm frankly honest, all my friends with FF babies tend to live easier stress free lives. The babies appear more content and happier and the thought of my breast not being my own again for another 2 or so years is daunting!

I've also started getting Bf aversions and I think it's contributed to post natal depression in the past!

Would I regret it?! Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

chocka · 26/03/2023 20:46

Albiboba · 26/03/2023 18:31

There are reasons why women drop breastfeeding or move onto mixed feeding that are nothing to do with ease of actual feeding. Social reasons, work reasons, etc

Are you the speaker for all women who combi feed or move to formula?
I moved to combi feeding and it was nothing to do with work or social reasons.
It was absolutely to do with the actual feeding.

Of course not. And nor are you.

SouthLondonMum22 · 26/03/2023 21:00

I've formula fed from birth for several reasons but one of those reasons is because it felt like the easiest options for several reasons.

Anyone can feed him. The thought of feeding him by myself, especially because you're supposed to establish feeding first was overwhelming.

Always knowing how much he's had.

Establishing a routine. I know he eats at 7, 10, 1, 4 & 7 without fail and there will not potentially be hours of unpredicted cluster feeding.

I've heard that some babies are bottle refusers which simply wasn't an option for me since I was always going back to work and earlier than usual.

I went back to work recently, DS is 3 months and you know what did sound like a faff to me? Expressing.

There's absolutely pros and cons to both methods and then of course, each baby is different too but so far, formula feeding is just as easy as I suspected it would be.

Mummyme87 · 27/03/2023 07:25

@chocka is correct. Stats are about 80% of uk women want to breastfeed. My trust breastfeeding rates are 96% leave hospital breastfeeding. They drop off pretty quickly though due to lack of support and knowledge. We don’t have the best culture to support breastfeeding.
I audited this area a few years ago, and lack of support was the biggest reason for stopping and introducing formula.

Forgooodnesssakenow · 27/03/2023 07:47

hopsalong · 26/03/2023 11:54

'Also breastfeeding a newborn takes around 800calories a day so it's not sitting around doing nothing.'

How does this follow? Lying in bed asleep uses up calories, but it's the literal definition of lying around and doing nothing. Someone in a coma uses up calories!

Personally I found breastfeeding a newborn exhausting and full-on. But it wasn't because of the sitting around, in itself, it was because the need to be constantly doing it prevented me from doing other things with older DC and because I found letdown painful.

You are producing food for another human being, around 800calories a day of food. It's extremely calorie dense work for your body.

Parker231 · 27/03/2023 13:14

Mummyme87 · 27/03/2023 07:25

Much higher numbers than I realised. I never tried bf and used formula from day one. Many friends were the same

Emmamoo89 · 27/03/2023 13:20

Albiboba · 26/03/2023 17:01

And yet the majority of women either move onto formula entirely or opt for a mixture so they obviously don’t find it “bloody easy”.

Show quote history

I found it easy once the pain went. The harder part was keeping myself fed. But was just so easy to wake up in the middle of the night to just put him on the boob and straight back to bed. Because it gets him back to sleep. Still does at 11 months

SnoringPains · 27/03/2023 13:30

I’ve got a 3 year old who BF til he was 2, and a 4 month old who I’m currently BF’ing. I wanted to switch to formula when he was 8 weeks old because I just hated BF’ing, it’s always just been a way to feed the baby and not an experience I enjoy. Anyway, FF was so much hassle, sterilising / boiling water / mixing feeds etc etc that I abandoned it and am currently still BF’ing. However, if I got pregnant again I would probably FF from the start because I really do understand the need to have your body for yourself, it’s not selfish, formula milk isn’t poison and you’re not disadvantaging your DC by choosing not to BF if you don’t want to. Your husband doesn’t really get to have an opinion as far as I’m concerned, no more so than he does over anything else you do with your body.

Mummyme87 · 27/03/2023 14:16

Where abouts in the country are you @Parker231 ? There are variations across the uk. North east have a much lower rate of breastfeeding on discharge from hospital, more in the low 80s

Parker231 · 27/03/2023 15:09

Mummyme87 · 27/03/2023 14:16

Where abouts in the country are you @Parker231 ? There are variations across the uk. North east have a much lower rate of breastfeeding on discharge from hospital, more in the low 80s

London - SW3 (although have now moved to Canada).

Mummyme87 · 27/03/2023 15:18

@Parker231 interesting. London on the whole has high breastfeeding initiation rates. I’m south london and in a SW London trust

newwings · 27/03/2023 15:23

Fxxking hell you've done amazing, I was fed up after 3 months!!!!

Don't justify it and seek approval you've made your mind up, your circumstances have changed and you need to do what's best for all of you. It's you that has to make it through the day. Do what works for you.

Sandylanes69 · 23/05/2023 19:57

ferntwist · 25/03/2023 12:54

I hear you OP but I really think you have to at least give a few weeks or months of breastfeeding to baby 3. I know it’s so tough. Could you consider mixed feeding? Good luck momma

Why?!

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/05/2023 20:50

Sandylanes69 · 23/05/2023 19:57

Why?!

Show quote history

@ferntwist

why indeed?!

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/05/2023 20:51

@ferntwist

OP doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to do

Wibblywobblyway · 23/05/2023 21:08

Dear OP would you be doubting your decision if it was reversed and you had formula fed the first two? I had three children in 3 1/2 years and formula fed the first two, third child was exclusively breast fed for 8 months, he was the only one who developed asthma, which he luckily outgrew age 7. They are all adults now and are all healthy, very rarely ill. But more to the point, it absolutely doesn’t matter to them how they were fed as babies, it has no impact on their lives whatsoever. We as mothers have a tendency to beat ourselves up and feel guilty over any parenting decisions. As long as you give your children your time, patience and love, that’s all that matters. Make a decision that works for you, a happy mum is also important.

newwings · 24/05/2023 22:45

Think you've done plenty of service I was climbing the walls at a fraction of that time, feeling stifled. Your husband can't comment as he hasn't had to share his body for so many years! Yes I think FF are easier but then you have the bottles faff!

Hankunamatata · 24/05/2023 23:08

Combo feed? Couple bottles a day and bf too?

brunettemic · 24/05/2023 23:17

It’s your body that has to do it so do what works for you. I didn’t breastfeed DS once as he just wouldn’t do it and having had oxygen when he was born he needed to feed. I managed about 4 days with DD until a chunk of me came off and it all became too painful. I have no regrets. To be fair DH was really supportive and at antenatal when they were doing their preaching he decided to ask “what happens if the baby won’t breastfeed” and I’ve never seen anyone look as stunned as the midwife did 😂

Mamoun · 26/05/2023 11:41

Keep your options open and you will see what happens / how you feel when the baby arrives.

booksandbrooks · 29/05/2023 13:11

YANBU do what is right for you but I have experience of regular formula top ups with one and EBF.

I found the having to get out of bed to feed and the preparing bottles/ sterilising/ measuring really hard going compared with staying in bed and flopping a boob out, but I have friends who preferred it.

My breast milk didn't dry up in pregnancy and I nursed straight though. You could well dry up but it's not guaranteed just a friendly warning.

I had breastfeeding aversion at one point and was totally tapped out. Magnesium spray on the back of the knees from the chemist/ holland barratt cured it. I'd read about it on breastfeeding groups.
No idea if it's pregnancy safe but it was a game changer for me afterwards.

Good luck with whatever you decide. Your body your choice!

SparklyBlackKitten · 29/05/2023 13:13

You wont regret it