To not breastfeed the third child?

[cityle]

So I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old.
I breastfeed my 5 year old till 2 (actually when I got pregnant with the second then my milk diminished)

And now I'm still breastfeeding my 2 year old and I'm 18 weeks pregnant (waiting for the milk to stop because I'm going insane and it's painful now)

My husband thinks I'm being completely hypocritical that I've decided I don't want to breastfeed my third baby.

But honestly, I've never been able to lose weight until ironically when I stopped BF and was pregnant!

And I've found it very suffocating for basically 5 years now!

This baby was not planned and my 2 year old still doesn't sleep through the night. My 5 year old did when she stopped feeding!

And if I'm frankly honest, all my friends with FF babies tend to live easier stress free lives. The babies appear more content and happier and the thought of my breast not being my own again for another 2 or so years is daunting!

I've also started getting Bf aversions and I think it's contributed to post natal depression in the past!

Would I regret it?! Am I being unreasonable?

Two things
1 it's entirely up to you.
2 your husband doesn't know what hypocritical means or how to use it in a sentence.

You're not being unreasonable at all and it's your choice.

All I will say is formula doesn't mean that you won't have a newborn. They will still wake, they will still cry, they will still do all those things. You may also get new issues like reflux / CMPA that you didn't get with the others.

Nothing is guaranteed and it might be grand and you feel everything is working out for you.

I do wonder if the feelings are some part of how you're adjusting to the unexpected pregnancy. How are you feeling about that in general?

Usually I'd say, give it a go because you do know that it has its practical advantages (no bottles or having to carry milk around with you etc) but give yourself to permission to stop if it just doesn't feel right to you at the time.

You don't have to decide now, and you don't have to fully do one or the other. You could look at combi feeding if you overall like breastfeeding this baby, but want some breaks from it as well.

Yanbu
It's your body and your decision, no one else gets a say

I bf all mine as it was easier but the hungriest babies I FF last feed from about 8 weeks as they slept better

I'd also be actively weaning the toddler as well. Your milk might not dry up like last time. It will help you have some control over the situation. That might help how you feel.

One of the (many) reasons I didn’t have a third child was because I couldn’t face breastfeeding for another year. I had no problems with the mechanics of feeding and lots of milk etc but hormonaly I don’t feel myself while feeding. It was only when I stopped (pregnant or feeding for 4 years) that I realised that it had had such a negative impact on my mood.

if I was to fall pregnant accidentally I either would either not breastfeed at all or only do a few weeks.

the long and the short of it is what’s best for each child is different, depending on the circumstances and it sounds like you know what’s best for you and the baby in your circumstances.

Ff is so easy - a perfect prep and microwave steriliser. DH can do some of the night feeds and friends and family will be delighted to help out with giving bottles..

I've formula fed my first and breastfed my second. I do feel a pang of guilt when I think about my first. Do you think you will feel that? Also comparing the two, bf was way way easier for me even though my second had to sleep latched on all night. I agree with others, start to wean your second so you can get that break now then see how you feel when the 3rd comes along.

YANBU. Your body, your choice.

DH needs to grasp the bottle and steriliser with both hands and step up.

Just see how you feel. I'll be breastfeeding my second just as its easier and cheaper. No faff whatsoever either.

No she really doesn’t 🙄

If I were you, I’d wean the 2 year old now, and just see how you feel when you’ve got a newborn. Buy the bottles and just see how it goes. I’d want to give my newborn colostrum and breastfeed at least for a bit, and plan to combined feed. That might mean you gradually do more and more formula anyway.

I’d also strongly want my DH to respect my choices and to step up to support me in whatever way possible. Id certainly be making the point that this unplanned third child shouldn’t mean I alone was sleep deprived and in charge of all feeding. If point out it’s going to require all of his input 100% effort.

What made you decide to post this on Mumsnet? You are just going to get replies saying yanbu BUT...
I would do whatever you need to do. Your body, your choice. Personally I would FF. Happy mum, happy baby is THE most important thing.

I would wean the 2yo pretty quickly, quite honestly - you are probably suffering from nursing aversion because every instinct in your body is yelling at you to stop nursing NOW due to being pregnant. Get your husband to help by getting the 2yo out of the house and keeping them busy and away from you.

As for the second, you can FF if you want to, but I do think you're looking at this in a very all or nothing way - going from "breastfeeding for over two years and even through pregnancy" to "not breastfeeding at all." Why not wean, and start out with mixed feeding, with a bottle of formula every day at bedtime? As you have nursed successfully twice already, I don't think you need to worry that mixed feeding will make it hard to maintain supply. Your body knows what to do by now and you will have grown a lot of extra breast tissue due to all the nursing. Having established mix feeding you can then decide what to do - either maintain the mix feeding for several months or a year, or just taper off and go to purely FFing.

I mix-fed my second by choice from quite early on, having exclusively nursed my eldest. I gave a bottle of formula every day at bedtime. I love mix feeding and it really felt like the best of both worlds. I had the convenience and money saving of breastfeeding and didn't have to prep bottles or drag feeding stuff around with me outside the house - but I could easily leave the baby with someone (granny, husband) and didn'T have to arse around with pumping and storing milk (ugh). The bedtime bottle became part of the bedtime routine, which meant anyone could put her to bed. At the same time, she didn't become so attached to the bottle that weaning her off the bottle was difficult, unlike with many purely bottle fed babies.

I came on to say the same. Stop breastfeeding the 2 year old, then see how you feel once baby 3 is born. You don’t have to BF for as long as you did before (or even at all, of course!) You could always breastfeed no3 for a few weeks/months while you combination feed, or indeed not BF at all. Up to you. But wean no2 now so you make your decision from the position of not being quite so ‘touched out’

It’s entirely up to you OP and of course you might feel different when baby is here, whatever you decide now. As an aside, there really is no stress to sterilising and preparing bottles etc it just becomes a small part of your daily routine. Good luck whatever you decide.

Not their breasts... absolutely not their business. You do what is right for you... a happy mother is far more important than breastfeeding a baby. My DS was FF from 4 weeks because I just couldn't deal with the pain and I just really didn't enjoy it. I don't regret it for one second. And the father can help with night feeds... maybe that's why he's making an issue and calling you hypocritical (which makes no sense in this context anyway).

i think it’s pretty understandable that your mind and body now want to focus on your current pregnancy rather than the 2 year old….take the pressure off yourself, go ahead with weaning your 2 year old then you are giving yourself a bit of mental headspace to prepare for the next…whatever you’d feel is the best once the baby is born is totally your choice.

Can't believe some of these comments 🙄 well actually I can because every time there's a post from a mum saying she doesn't want to breastfeed because of xyz reason there's always "I really think you should just do it for a few months". No, she doesn't have to. There's even a comment on here about the third baby feeling left out! Wtf, the baby isn't going to know any difference, until they ask when older if they were breastfed... I'm sure they won't give a shit.

For everyone saying do it for a couple of months then stop. You've never had a baby with a formula / bottle aversion! Its not that simple just to 'stop' when you feel like it.

YANBU OP, at all. Do what works for you. You won't be able to tell the difference between a breastfed baby and ff baby. Formula works fine. It's more than fine, babies thrive off of formula too.

Do what you want and don't give other judgemental mums another second thought.

Wean the 2 year old immediately so they're completely off it and over it by the time baby arrives.

Chose about baby whenever you want, you don't have to decide now. Don't put yourself under any pressure.

Yanbu to feed your baby however you want as long as baby is fed and loved.

Agree with this. Really put effort in to wean your 2 yr old now, I know easier said than done. But give yourself a break and see how you feel when baby is here.

@RedHelenB no one treats all children the same despite this silly rhetoric that gets piled on parents. They are all individuals they all arrive in your life at different times with different circumstances surrounding them and their family, as well as in a certain order. So the last of 3 is a whole world apart from a first born. You treat them individually!

She won’t love this baby any less because she chooses a different method of feeding.

With child 1, I did full ebf and she never took a bottle and couldn't sleep without me til 14mo. It nearly broke me.

With child 2, I did ebf for 6 weeks (easier than bottles in the nights) and then started on bottles switching over fully by 4mo. Much easier to manage. So I'd recommend that option.

@weststreet the vast majority of UK mums do just that. Start breastfeeding then stop within a 6-8 weeks.