To not breastfeed the third child?

[cityle]

So I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old.
I breastfeed my 5 year old till 2 (actually when I got pregnant with the second then my milk diminished)

And now I'm still breastfeeding my 2 year old and I'm 18 weeks pregnant (waiting for the milk to stop because I'm going insane and it's painful now)

My husband thinks I'm being completely hypocritical that I've decided I don't want to breastfeed my third baby.

But honestly, I've never been able to lose weight until ironically when I stopped BF and was pregnant!

And I've found it very suffocating for basically 5 years now!

This baby was not planned and my 2 year old still doesn't sleep through the night. My 5 year old did when she stopped feeding!

And if I'm frankly honest, all my friends with FF babies tend to live easier stress free lives. The babies appear more content and happier and the thought of my breast not being my own again for another 2 or so years is daunting!

I've also started getting Bf aversions and I think it's contributed to post natal depression in the past!

Would I regret it?! Am I being unreasonable?

Calories are literally a unit of energy. Breastfeeding takes FAR more energy than sleeping or sitting doing nothing. Do people really think sitting down or sleeping is akin to feeding a baby? It really isn't.

Everyone is different on how they loose weight post pregnancy. I was back to pre pregnancy weight and clothes after 8 weeks when DT’s were born but I didn’t sit still for long and started light gym work with a PT after six weeks.

I wasn't going to breastfeed my 2nd, but once he arrived I combi fed from day 1 and its worked well, he is 3 months now. Bottle feeding can be a pain in the ass with sterilising and obviously formula is expensive. I would wean 2 year old off your milk now to have a break before New baby arrives and then make a decision. Maybe you could try and breastfeed for a few weeks then over on to bottle. Do what is right for YOU though, it's your baby and your body.

Op I bf babies 1 & 2 (though not for as long as you) and chose not to breastfeed baby 3 at all. People were surprised but I was just done with it. Too much faff, too much pressure having to do all the night feeds myself and never getting a decent break from baby. I don't find breastfeeding very easy either. Formula feeding baby 3 has been blissful, I've been able to have days away from baby to celebrate important life events for friends, had more sleep as dh does half the night feeds and been able to have other people look after baby so dh and I can spend some time together, something I've found even more important with 3 young kids.

If you think it's the best thing for you then go for it. It's not unfair on baby 3, they're still being fed. Also who gives a fuck what your in-laws think, it's not their baby

I don't understand why people are encouraging even any breastfeeding! It's your body your choice. And the fact you have recognized ur mental health is effected means ever more so you need to look after yourself ! You sound exhausted and unplanned pregnancies can be difficult to come to terms with and take a wee bit more time. Take care :)

Everyone saying that the OP has said she doesn't want to breastfeed - that is true in her OP but not really in her follow up posts. That's why a lot of us are saying wean your two year old and then worry about breastfeeding or not when #3 arrives. We're not saying it to be in conflict with her. We're saying it because she said herself that she also didn't want to bf DC2 when pregnant and then did when they arrived. She's experiencing aversion right now and should wean her toddler, because aversion is miserable. But it's also influencing how she feels about feeding her third.

And that it's not always a case that a FF baby is easier. It's fine to FF but it's best to have realistic expectations of it.

But the OP won’t be solely responsible for feeding it and whilst friends and family are giving bottles she will be able to go out with her other children.

She mentions the husband working away half the month. Don't know about any other family.

You only get the advantage of anyone being able to feed a baby if there are actually other people to do so and it's not clear here.

You talk absolute shit.

Unwanted? Because she doesn't want to breastfeed? Women like you are the types to make other mums depressed and inadequate.

Vile.

Maybe my maths is off but someone being able to help 50% of the time is a lot more help than 0%?

Make a deal with yourself to do it for a few months? Even 6 months and then stop. You might regret it if you don’t try but if you try and don’t want to continue then you’re done your best. Wean the 2D year old asap.

But I agree ff is so much easier which is why it’s so popular.

@BertieBotts , I’m impressed by the level of detail involved in your budgeting!

Well, yes and no. FF isn't 'popular' as a first choice - it's the second choice for the vast majority of women in the UK and globally. Most women (nearly 80% in the UK) set out to bf. A lot then stop quickly because they find it hard, and - in this country at least - they often find it hard because support is highly variable, and because most women don't understand the basics of bf such as cluster feeding builds milk supply, and because quite frankly a lot of HCPs don't either. And also because our culture isn't really set up to be supportive of bf in the way that some other cultures are.

If you're breastfeeding and not having any issues with it then it's incredibly easy. I used to bf while making supper, taking my older DCs round the park, sleeping (!) etc. Milk is always free, available, and at the perfect temperature. That is surely easier than FF, even for those that don't find FF a faff. It's certainly a lot cheaper.

Tell Mr works away that if he wants the baby to be breastfed he can do it himself. Otherwise he should support you in doing whatever is best for you to manage the family at the time.

For what it's worth, my mum didn't manage to breastfeed my sister for medical reasons and she went to Oxford. I was breastfed and am not nearly as intelligent and ended up with allergies and eczema. Totally unscientific I know, but just showing that as adults you have no idea who was formula fed or not.

It's your body your choice.

But I don't understand why two years? Why not just breastfeed for six months.

Can you read? She DOESN'T want to breastfeed.

The formula fed child will be fine.

I have no idea of the statistics on number of mothers who want to bf as a first option. Ff is essentially the easiest way to feed a baby which is why it is so popular. Bf is hard work until it becomes established. And it’s exhausting!

You’re implying women only ff because bf isn’t supported. I think many ff because it’s easier. It’s ok to want the easy option !

I just told you the statistic - it's nearly 80%. It's pretty disingenuous though to say 'FF is essentially the easiest way to feed a baby'. Once bf is established it's pretty bloody easy!

Well if 80% want to bf then a huge proportion must give up very quickly when they realise ff is easier!?

It's a bit of a simplistic statement though, isn't it? Eg - Does FF seem easier when you are worried that your baby isn't getting enough milk, because nobody has told you that cluster feeding is normal? Of course! You can look at the bottle and see exactly how many ml go in. Does FF seem easier when your husband is telling you that you shouldn't breastfeed because your breasts are for him and not the baby, or when your parents are telling you that your baby cries so much because it isn't getting enough milk and you should give it formula? Absolutely.
Does FF seem easier when you think your baby might have CMPA and you would rather give non dairy formula than cut dairy out of your diet? Sure. (I used to work in feeding support and came up against all these issues and many more over and over and over)

But does that mean it is easier? It depends on your definition. In those moments, FF may be much, much easier for those women. It may be easier for other women for other reasons. But once either method of feeding is established, it should be easy, and you could say that breastfeeding then is easier - you don't need to do anything except put your baby in the vague vicinity of your breast, and they will latch on and feed until they're done. Incredibly easy. I'm just saying - it's very simplistic to say that FF is easier, and it's also very simplistic to say that so many women stop breastfeeding because FF is easier.

And yet the majority of women either move onto formula entirely or opt for a mixture so they obviously don’t find it “bloody easy”.

a) Hence why I said 'once it's established' - the biggest drop off is between birth and 6 weeks
b) There are reasons why women drop breastfeeding or move onto mixed feeding that are nothing to do with ease of actual feeding. Social reasons, work reasons, etc

There are reasons why women drop breastfeeding or move onto mixed feeding that are nothing to do with ease of actual feeding. Social reasons, work reasons, etc

Are you the speaker for all women who combi feed or move to formula?
I moved to combi feeding and it was nothing to do with work or social reasons.
It was absolutely to do with the actual feeding.