To not breastfeed the third child?

[cityle]

So I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old.
I breastfeed my 5 year old till 2 (actually when I got pregnant with the second then my milk diminished)

And now I'm still breastfeeding my 2 year old and I'm 18 weeks pregnant (waiting for the milk to stop because I'm going insane and it's painful now)

My husband thinks I'm being completely hypocritical that I've decided I don't want to breastfeed my third baby.

But honestly, I've never been able to lose weight until ironically when I stopped BF and was pregnant!

And I've found it very suffocating for basically 5 years now!

This baby was not planned and my 2 year old still doesn't sleep through the night. My 5 year old did when she stopped feeding!

And if I'm frankly honest, all my friends with FF babies tend to live easier stress free lives. The babies appear more content and happier and the thought of my breast not being my own again for another 2 or so years is daunting!

I've also started getting Bf aversions and I think it's contributed to post natal depression in the past!

Would I regret it?! Am I being unreasonable?

Actually! I remember feeling this way with dc2.

I was adamant I wouldn't breastfeed.. and bought bottles etc.
But it was very natural from day 1.

I actually think my fear is extended breastfeeding.. as with dc2 I kept extending the end goal.

I definitely think I should take it in steps like 1 month.. so on and maybe try and if it becomes in doable then stop.

Because my partner works away half or the month. I'm envisioning cluster feeding with trying to put older two to bed/make dinner

I get it... BUT some FF parents have it worse off.. just like some breastfeeding mums do.

My daughter has CMPA and the doctor made the point that I can just not have dairy whereas if she was formula fed it would be trial and error trying to find the right formula to suit her.

But then again it means I can't have dairy..

I just wanted to make the point that formula doesn't always guarantee a "stress free" life.

I BF first until 3 and FF my second for exactly the same reason. In that I disliked breastfeeding and didn't want to do it again.

I don't know if life is easier because I'm FF though - this baby is easier, sleeps better etc but I've got lots of FF baby friends that are a nightmare and much like my first.

Also sterilising is a FAFF! It's a PITA every single day, so is having to have milk powder, water, etc with you whenever you want to step out the house. So is trying to warm and cool feeds whilst you're out the house.... so is trying to settle them back to sleep when they're poorly / wakeful but just fed / etc etc.

YANBU to FF because you don't want to breastfeed again, completely a personal decision and you should 100% do what works for you. Happy mum happy baby.

However don't do it because you think it'll make your baby 'easy' or because it's an easier option because it's not easier having done both. Pros and cons to each, much like everything else in life.

Do what you feel is right for you. I remember being shamed for not breastfeeding and the lectures I got about how breast is best. Fed is best, ignore anyone trying to guilt you

I'm aware, but sometimes it can be really difficult if a baby won't take a bottle or formula. I was one of those mums. I tried and tried. Sometimes (mostly not,) but sometimes it's really really hard to wean a baby. Especially 6 months in.

If OP doesn't want to breastfeed, she doesn't have to. There are substitutes available for baby to thrive on.

Definitely do whatever feels right for you. I breastfed first exclusively and then switched to formula for twins after first few months. Only thing I would say is if you have a baby that takes to breastfeeding easily, the endless sterilising and making up of bottles feels like a massive pain in comparison! Also I found being able to see how much they consumed or didn’t really stressful in a way that I hadn’t with bf. Good luck, do what you need to!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with not breastfeeding your next baby. I don’t know why so many posters are trying to make out that formula is so hard and so much faff. The benefit of not breastfeeding is that you can share the feeding and everything around it. With 2 other children to look after that really isn’t a bad thing.
Do whatever suits you.

This makes sense.

It's ok to take things in steps. No firm decisions now and see how things pan out. You can absolutely say you'll give it a month, 2 months, 3 etc.

I was all up for extended breastfeeding my second. She had other ideas though and self weaned at 17 months because she wanted to be like her big brother and have a cup.

I totally understand the bedtime alone because partner is away issue. It also means he won't be there to help with overnight feeds which makes a difference in terms of how easy bottle night feeds might be.

Think as well that your oldest is now much older. My 6 year old can get himself ready for bed and read his own bedtime story. He can put himself to bed if I need him to. If I was to have a baby now, solo bedtimes would look very different to when I had a 2 year old and a newborn.

Informed is best.

Totally your call. I would say as someone who did both that you might find parenting a newborn very different with formula. Lots of prep and planning and timing etc. Maybe start with a bottle a day and change over by 3 months or so? The last thing you want to do is end up with a harder job! But I hope you get a break between the two

Yes extended breastfeeding after your 1st is very challenging!
My first was until 18 months and my 2nd 2.5 years. I was so over it by the time he was 2, eventually decided I just had to wean him myself as he clearly was never going to stop!
I think baby steps with number 3 and if you choose to BF then just see what you can/ want to handle etc. requires a change of mindset from letting baby self wean to you doing it, nothing wrong with either, it's totally about what works for you whatever you choose.

It doesn't have to be all or nothing. It sounds like you've absolutely had enough of exclusive breastfeeding, and breastfeeding over an extended period, which is fair enough. However, you might find that combi feeding takes the pressure off enough to make it more bearable the third time around, as you would be able to leave the baby with your DH for longer periods, etc.

I only have one DC myself and switched to combi feeding after a week but carried on with a mixture of BF, expressed milk and formula until my DS was 6 months old (when I stopped BF entirely). There is absolutely no way I could have retained my sanity exclusively breastfeeding, so I am in absolute awe that you managed it for so long with your first two DC.

Combi feeding was a happy medium for me, as it meant that my DH could share night feeding duty, and it was possible for me to leave my DS with my DH for more than an hour or so. My only advice if you go this route is you will definitely need a good breast pump because you will get engorged from missed feeds, and you'll need to pump a bit to keep your supply up if you're not BF exclusively.

You'll still hold onto the weight until you stop bf entirely though (the fact that I wasn't bf exclusively didn't make any difference in that respect, and I didn't start to lose any until I stopped outright at 6 months, when it came off quite rapidly).

I combi fed one (who has CMPA so used prescription formula and had months before of horrific CMPA symptoms on normal formula before diagnosis) and EBF the other.

Making the bottles was more of a faff than just putting baby to boob. If you're used to EBF and how that works, making up a bottle can be perceived as a faff. There's nothing wrong with that.

If ff is all you know then it likely doesn't feel like a faff because it's what you're used to.

Entirely up to you of course. However, I would try it for a few months. I stopped bf mine at around 6 months. I felt I gave them a good start and by then there were on solids so getting the extra nutrients.
To be honest, the thought of having to make up bottles in the middle of the night with newborns is rather stressful to me!

Not for me! I still did all the night feeds and had all the washing and sterilising . Found it way harder initially

Your body your choice.

What an absolutely horrible comment.

My sister was still breastfeeding her 18-month old during the early months of her pregnancy, but chose to wean him a few months before the birth so he wasn’t all “WAAAAAH! MY BREASTS!” when the new baby arrived.

DH did many of the night feeds and friends and family helped during the day so I didn’t have the sole responsibility for feeding. I like an easy life - and my sleep!

Maybe just do the first few weeks breastfeeding then taper off.

It's entirely your choice op and yanbu! However, having breastfed 2 children I'd suggest breastfeeding at the beginning Judy to make your life easier, there is a lot in bottle feeding e.g washing and sterilising everything every single day, remembering to make enough for days out, ready make or measuring out scoops etc and if you've already got 2 kids to look after it can be a pain and if you can avoid it when you've got a newborn I'd recommend it.
I only bf both of mine for 8 weeks before ff but it is a hassle when out and about especially

Just* not Judy lol

You can be informed and still chose not to breastfeed.
I hate the rhetoric that you must be stupid and uninformed if you don’t BF.
Nothing wrong with saying fed is best.

There isn't a universal quantity of faff for either method, really depends on circumstances.

In my case the majority of time I had no one to help feed so the ease of the method was a massive factor. When I'd just had my second I was shattered most of the time and really appreciated not having to get up off the sofa or out of bed at night to feed.

Very different for someone whose mum for example can come over to help regularly.

Disappointed to see the amount of people putting pressure on you to try breastfeeding. It is entirely your choice! When your children are lined up beside each other in a few years nobody will look at say ah those 2 were breastfed this one wasn't! A happy mam is a happy baby so you do whatever it is you need to do to protect yourself in order to be your best self for your baby. Best of Luck!