To not breastfeed the third child?

[cityle]

So I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old.
I breastfeed my 5 year old till 2 (actually when I got pregnant with the second then my milk diminished)

And now I'm still breastfeeding my 2 year old and I'm 18 weeks pregnant (waiting for the milk to stop because I'm going insane and it's painful now)

My husband thinks I'm being completely hypocritical that I've decided I don't want to breastfeed my third baby.

But honestly, I've never been able to lose weight until ironically when I stopped BF and was pregnant!

And I've found it very suffocating for basically 5 years now!

This baby was not planned and my 2 year old still doesn't sleep through the night. My 5 year old did when she stopped feeding!

And if I'm frankly honest, all my friends with FF babies tend to live easier stress free lives. The babies appear more content and happier and the thought of my breast not being my own again for another 2 or so years is daunting!

I've also started getting Bf aversions and I think it's contributed to post natal depression in the past!

Would I regret it?! Am I being unreasonable?

Two of my siblings were, myself and another were not. None of us give two fucks how we or the others were fed and it only came up when I was pregnant with my first and speaking to my mum about baby feeding. Your kids won't care!

I was Bf - my DSis, two years younger was ff. She has no issues with it as it hasn’t made any difference to her life. You can’t tell which of us was bf v ff.

Is that DF as in fiance?

That would be a bit of a worry if my DP was harbouring ill feelings about their DM not BFing them, I'm guessing there's a lot more to it and it wasn't just the BF thing though otherwise....yikes!

Ha no -friend!

@mumoffourminimes

My brothers were breastfed, I wasn't.

I have absolutely no ill feelings towards it. It would be an insult to my mother if I was offended on how she thought was best to feed me at the time, just because my brothers got breast milk and I didn't.

Anyone who has an issue around not receiving boob milk over formula because their siblings did / did not get fed the same method is really weird. If an adult child is upset that they didn't receive breast milk from their mum it's almost a bit enmeshed. I can't imagine any adult being upset that their sibling was breasted and they weren't.

You can pretend it's not weird to be upset about it, but really it is 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Megifer I agree. Can you imagine your partner coming home from work and wanting to discuss his ill feelings about not being breastfed and how it's unfair that his siblings were? We're talking about ADULTS here.

PP either has a back story, or a borderline enmeshed partner when it comes to his mum breastfeeding him.

I agree it would be best to stop feeding the 2 year old now. You don't have to wait for the milk to stop ( what does that even mean?)
You just say " You're a big boy/girl now, only babies feed from Mummy, time for a cup. You can just have it ( x time in the morning) for this week, then we are going to stop."
Make sure you stop night time and bed time feeds first, those might be the hardest, just start to run it down so it doesn't get too uncomfortable for you. Should only take less than a week.
It might help if you go out or even stay away for a few days, and Dh should deal with night waking till you've stopped producing milk. Buy some special big boy cups/water bottles, make a big deal out of it, and start talking about big boys soon won't need nappies either (maybe only if if they are nearer to 2 1/2 than 2).
It would seem a bit strange not to bf new baby at all, could you not limit it to ,say, 6 months? Or combi feed?

I know right! Imagine disrespecting your mother by commenting that your angry over how she fed you. Get a grip. They wouldn't have known how they were fed unless their mother told them so pretty much being angry over nothing.

Do what feels right for you. Breastfeeding is a relationship and both Mum and baby have to be onboard with it.

I fed all three of mine differently but due to two of them struggling with breastfeeding. First one exclusively breastfed over a year, second one breast fed a couple of months and then formula, third one is mixed fed. I can’t possibly imagine the way they were fed being a topic of discussion much beyond young childhood!

It's not about ur in laws it's about you it's your body and it's up 2 you if bf or ff I bf my first 3 and ff the other 2 new baby is only 13 weeks and only just got my 3year old off milk at night it's a nightmare

Think there is a long history of the 2 siblings being treated differently @secretllama . I think the OP needs to consider is this just about how they will be fed or does she somehow feel differently about the 3rd baby, will they always be treated differently to the others. If so maybe get some counselling. Mumsnet is full of women who wish their own DMs had!

YANBU at all because they’re your breasts and your body. However, you don’t need to decide until the baby’s here.

There’s also a whole world of options between exclusively formula feeding from day one and what you’ve done with your older two (ie exclusively breastfeeding until 2 years old). You could combi feed from the get go, you could exclusively breastfeed until 6 weeks then introduce formula, etc etc.

It honestly says more about your friend that she’s got to the point of being a 40something year old adult and she resents her mother for not breastfeeding her!! Absolutely mental.

As for the ‘if you’re going to treat your kids differently don’t be surprised they hold onto it into adulthood’ 🙄 you’re hardly sitting them both down and giving one cake and making the other watch.
People regularly treat their kids differently because they are different people. Some babies are sleep trained while the siblings aren’t, some are in a stricter routine because they needed it whereas their siblings aren’t.
An adult who doesn’t understand why their mother might not have been able to breastfeed sounds like they haven’t grown up much.

With each of my dc I LOVED breastfeeding at first and found it easy. What I found incredibly hard was past 6 months - they had got so attached to breastfeeding and suddenly I was trapped as it was the number 1 comforter for any problem and they got more clingy the longer I breastfed for .
With my youngest I combi fed from day 1 and it was amazing. Total game changer. No panicky feelings, I felt less touched out and under pressure and ds loved his formula SO much that stopping bf was easy. I didn’t get pnd either which looking back now I really think breastfeeding was a big factor

@ferntwist

why does she have to?

As you’ve fed your first two, I really think you will feel a natural urge to feed your new baby.
I know I did with my third.

If I were you, I’d at least do it for the first few months, so your baby gets all the good stuff.

Ok seeing as you asked I'll be honest. I do think YABU and I think you might regret it. It sounds like you're struggling at the moment and feeling overwhelmed. I think you will have an urge to feed your newborn baby if you've fed the other two. It doesn't need to be for a long time, just see how it goes.
I would find it strange if my mum had fed my brother and not me (unless she tried and couldn't for some reason) lots of people on here clearly wouldn't, but you don't know what camp your child will be in.

@Pinkdelight3

says who? You?

it’s her body, she doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to do

@Peppadog

her kids don’t even need to know

it’s her body - she doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to do

@LuckySantangelo35 yes but she asked the question didn't she? What would be the point in those of us who think it's a bad idea lying?
I would rather someone told me if they thought I might regret something, I know I would regret it.

@Peppadog

fair enough

lots of us wouldn’t regret not breastfeeding though

I hope op does what’s best for her

It's your body and you don't owe anyone your body, not even your children. It's yours.

I have formula fed my 3 month old since birth and I don't find it to be a faff at all. I use a perfect prep machine, there's no cluster feeding which means feeding is more predictable and I also use mam bottles which self sterilise.

You matter. Formula is a perfectly good alternative and I'm sure all of your children would benefit from a happy mother over a mother potentially struggling with PND because she is forcing herself to do something with her body that she doesn't want to do.

I'd also wean your 2 year old.

Again, you matter.

As long as everyone receives adequate nutrition and love, the most important thing is your mental health, for yourself and for your family. I can't imagine my first being cross because he couldn't breastfeed (cmpa, reflux, tongue tie) and my second could. Ridiculous notion.

Fed my first for 16 months. Second for 2yrs 3 months. Difference compared to you is I didn't feed whilst pregnant and I understand hormones and aversions are very high during pregnancy. I think you will feel differently when baby comes. Wean your 2yr old and enjoy the rest. There's something special about a newborn feeding.

The OP has already said she doesn’t want to bf. There is something special about ff a new born baby - it’s not just bf which is special.