To think that the majority of teenagers would benefit from going away to boarding school

[Covidisstillanissue]

I’m just musing based off those who I know personally. Clearly, this is unlikely to ever become a widespread idea but thinking hypothetically. Also, while I think for the majority of teenagers this would be beneficial it wouldn’t be for everyone.
First off, I think it would massively benefit them in terms of independence. So many times nowadays teenagers (especially younger teens) are unable to even do the most basic things and are often very infantilised. I think with boarding often you become far more independent than your peers who live at home and go to day school.
Secondly, socially I think it would be beneficial as they live with their friends and often form far stronger friendships and (tied in with independence) a bit more maturity in terms of how they deal with their friendships. In schools nowadays it feels like parents and pastoral staff are constantly dragged in to even the most minor disputes between friends, sometimes with kids age 15/16 - an age you would expect them to be gearing up to be behaving more like adults.
To be clear, I do not think that boarding school is good for children under the age of about 13 (year 9) however, for teenagers I do think they would benefit.
There’s other things I could say but overall Aibu to think that for most teenagers boarding school would be beneficial?

Also, to those who will ask. Until recently I worked in a secondary school in a non-teaching role. My own DC are now in their 20s (and did not board) but I do currently have family members who’s teenage DC board currently. That’s my perspective on the situation.

I hope you've got your tin hat on. Mumsnetters are generally very anti boarding schools. But I can see your point.

I'm married to someone who went to boarding school. YABU.

Absolutely mental.

Boarding for sixth form seems like a useful bridge to university.

What this country needs is more emotionally repressed/damaged people

Read up on boarding school syndrome.

In fact read anything about healthy human development.

No I don’t think most teens would benefit from it. I think most teens would benefit from proper parenting, being given responsibility in the home and at school, taking part in physical activities, reading a variety of fact and fiction, and having part time jobs. All that would teach them how to behave as adults and to hopefully grow into mature reasonable adults who can think for themselves. No school is a substitute for proper parenting and life experience.

No I think if people want to subcontract out their parenting they should revise having children.

Nah, for me independence came from security, not being separated. People often confuse being independent and it's being alone as well. It's not the same thing.

I think you can teach your child how to be independent by different methods, i.e. trusting kids when left alone at home or not trying to interfere every friendship or school problem or picking them up from school/sports until they're 17. I don't think I could stand up the fact that I don't know what my teenage child is up to while being away from home and frankly, as young teenager, I think I would miss home too much. It's too early.

No they don't need boarding school, just decent parenting.

I absolutely agree that teenagers need to learn to be independent. I honestly don't see why boarding school is the way to do this. No cooking, cleaning, shopping, finding your way to places, learning about personal time management, negotiating public transport etc etc. More controversially, no learning these things under the watchful but gradually distancing eye of someone who loves them. I agree that I'm presenting an idealised view of family life. But you're presenting an idealised view of boarding school life, so.....

At boarding school they have their washing done, meals cooked, told when to do their homework. They don't commute to places on their own. Not that independent

My ds is an occasional boarder when I travel for work. About three nights per term.

The fact that he has to live by other standards and fit in with other people has been very good for him. He is more tolerant, has a wider experience of how others live and has gained some friends.

I wouldn't have him board full time because I love having him with me and he benefits from the closeness and security. However as he gets older (15) I can imagine him asking to be a weekly boarder next year.

I loved my teens. I wouldn’t ever have sent them away. They made me laugh all the time. 16 year old Dd would hate it.

No I don't.

I think most teenagers could benefit from better relationships with their parents. I also think parents should recognise that teenagers still need their guidance and protection as they become independent.

I've spent enough time with people who went to boarding school. Put me off the idea of ever sending my own children to one (although I loved the idea when I was a child reading the St Clare's and Malory Towers school books!)

I went to boarding school. I enjoyed it. I certainly became very independent.

I am so self reliant that I can't cry - 11 year old me realized early on that no one is going to help, it won't change anything, what's the point. In my dreams I often cry as an emotional outlet, but haven't cried irl for the last 12 years. It is very emotionally damaging in my opinion.

All of mine are at or went to local schools.

My uni kid rings me up to ask how to use the washing machine or oven. I love that he doesn't feel abandoned to have to learn to cope alone in the way I did.

Im
also with someone who went to boarding school from seven. Never seen this man cry in eleven years. Not one drop even when both parents died. If you want another generation of emotionally shut down adults then crack on.

I think alot of dodgy sexual 'stuff' happens at boarding schools for that reason alone YABU. But as far as learning independence goes, that's only going to happen at boarding school if your own parents are useless. In fact, boarding school is only going to be better if your parents are useless....

I am not sure I equate boarding with independence though? I mean they arent using public transport to get to and from school, their time can be quite structured - like supper is at x, lights out at y, tonight is games night, prep is until 6 etc with supervision. I also dont think they independently sort out friendship issues. The pastoral staff at boarding do that with them. The have boarding house parents, pastoral leads and so on. They are possibly better equipped to sort out issues than parents but its intense support.

No. Parents just need to actually parent, support their children but encourage age appropriate independence. Family life is important and teens need guidance from parents. If you have to send them away to become functioning humans, something is wrong.

am so self reliant that I can't cry - 11 year old me realized early on that no one is going to help, it won't change anything, what's the point. In my dreams I often cry as an emotional outlet, but haven't cried irl for the last 12 years. It is very emotionally damaging in my opinion.

I posted my reply, then read yours. My OH said exactly the sane to me. You learn very early on that crying is futile. So you stop.

I think it's really weird to separate children and teenagers from their families for their education. Children need their parents around until they're in their late teens in my experience. There's this idea that some people have that schools are responsible for everything children should be taught. That's just not the case. Basic manners, independence, self confidence etc. are all things that teenagers learn primarily at home, from their family. Sending kids to boarding school is basically a cop out for the parents.

I went to boarding school and remember having to share my room with my bullies and being forced up against a door with a chair. And this is presocial media bullying.

So NO.

IF you are at home as you go through the process of becoming an adult you have to deal with the messiness, complexity and truth of life with people you love . At boarding school you are at once protected from sincere emotion by a bunch of rules and traditions and hierarchies, and also the victim of those same things. No one actually loves you, so you have to figure out a way to cope with the coldness and meaninglessness of life at a moment when you are not ready to do that, emotionally- the results are leading our country