To think that the majority of teenagers would benefit from going away to boarding school

[Covidisstillanissue]

I’m just musing based off those who I know personally. Clearly, this is unlikely to ever become a widespread idea but thinking hypothetically. Also, while I think for the majority of teenagers this would be beneficial it wouldn’t be for everyone.
First off, I think it would massively benefit them in terms of independence. So many times nowadays teenagers (especially younger teens) are unable to even do the most basic things and are often very infantilised. I think with boarding often you become far more independent than your peers who live at home and go to day school.
Secondly, socially I think it would be beneficial as they live with their friends and often form far stronger friendships and (tied in with independence) a bit more maturity in terms of how they deal with their friendships. In schools nowadays it feels like parents and pastoral staff are constantly dragged in to even the most minor disputes between friends, sometimes with kids age 15/16 - an age you would expect them to be gearing up to be behaving more like adults.
To be clear, I do not think that boarding school is good for children under the age of about 13 (year 9) however, for teenagers I do think they would benefit.
There’s other things I could say but overall Aibu to think that for most teenagers boarding school would be beneficial?

I think 13 plus defo. A fair few schools near me have moved to only offering boarding to y9 and over.
My middle one would have thrived, eldest would have been miserable, youngest would have coped.

Went to boarding school for sixth-form- loving family but due to work related reasons it was the only option for my parents.
It ws a very prestigious school, I had an awful time.

There was absolutely no adult supervision. I spent a term not having any proper meals (I was bullied and lived on sliced bread provided in the house kitchen). I lost a stone and a half and my house supervisor's solution was to ask my one year older sister if she thought I had an eating disorder.

Drugs were everywhere and girls in younger years became cool by giving blowjobs to older boys.
There was also an instance of 2 boys allegedly getting a younger girl drunk at night in the sports fields and having sex with her.
At the time everyone thought it was hilarious.

It did teach me there will always be people who irrationally dislike you and toughened me up massively but I wouldn't wish it on any kid I know.

I don’t necessarily think boarding schools are the root of all evil or that parents who use boarding schools are cold and sub-contracting parenting.

But I don’t think they help build independence.

Your premise seems to be that parents are shit at raising teens, state schools facilitate this so it's best to send them away?

I’m married to someone still scarred from boarding school so no.
He’s very good at making the bed.

Nope. Big fat nope from me, nothing could persuade me to send my children away for months at a time as children. I just dont understand this outsourcing of parenting, just don't have kids...

Maybe we should just check our children into a boarding school at 1 year old when we go back to work after maternity leave, and pick them up at 18 years old?

YABU, not least because bullying, loneliness, drug use, drinking, smoking, consensual and non-consensual sex, dangerous risk-taking and eating disorders are rife in boarding schools, IME.

I remember posters on MN getting upset when the MeToo revelations seemed to be far worse and more frequent from boarding schools. They did not want to hear it.

It would benefit the parents, that’s for sure. Why stop at teens though? 10+‘is when children really stop being cute, that would be the perfect time to outsource them.

And as for ‘Boarding School Syndrome’ everyone knows that’s just the wet, weak kids who developed that and/or boarding schools have beloved so it doesn’t exist.

They might, they might not. I like to think they'd consider it on its merits and make an informed decision.

I was at school playing inside or outside every night when I was 13, and had a great time. How independent can you really be when you're under the supervision of overbearing parents that can't let go even a little bit?

No thanks, I actually like having my teens around and I’m a good parent. There’s no way I would institutionalise them. They receive a good education, are independent and have emotional support in abundance. They also know we are there for them whenever they need us to be to help them navigate through life.

I chose to have children, they are the most important people in my life. Why would I want to send them away to be looked after by other people?

THIS. And yes, I did mean to shout it. I went to boarding school. I have spent my entire adult life with GAD to varying degrees. I am now 57. I am a sensible responsible professional person. But damaged

Nah.

I have a 16 year old with a learning disability. I do think it would benefit him to have several nights a week away locally learning how to live in a supported living environment, effectively continuing what he does during the day in school and getting used to not being with us all of the time.

I know you said post 13 only, but I can't help remembering the comedian Marcus Brigstock (who went to boarding school himself) saying that the problem with this country is that it's run by men who has their hearts broken at the age of 7. Haunts me, that does.

First off, I think it would massively benefit them in terms of independence. So many times nowadays teenagers (especially younger teens) are unable to even do the most basic things and are often very infantilised. I think with boarding often you become far more independent than your peers who live at home and go to day school.

So, regimented schedule. All meals cooked and washed up for you. No decisions to make about anything at all. Loads of rules designed to make it easy to run a home for scores of kids, rather than individuals. No social interaction with anyone other than other people your age.

How does all that make kids independent? I mean, more independent than having to cook for the family once in a while, and do the washing up? Or organising your social life, going to places on your own, getting home on time? Interacting with all sorts of people? Going to the baker's and the cornershop? Learning how to be yourself in a family whilst considering the other members? Having your mum and dad there, in case you need them? Learning how to be a parent by being parented?

Seriously - in short - how do you think that boarding schools make kids independent?

Independence is often code for emotional detachment. Which some people think is a good thing.

Boarding school syndrome is usually quoted on these threads, and yes, for some, it will be a problem. The huge number of kids in state schools with MH issues far exceeds those, though.
If the kids who board attended state, I bet they would still have MH problems, just a different one.

'First off, I think it would massively benefit them in terms of independence. So many times nowadays teenagers (especially younger teens) are unable to even do the most basic things and are often very infantilised.'

mmm, so that's bullshit. You may be infantilising your teens but that's not how we treat our kids, nor do any of the parents we know.

Your solution is to send kids to an institution where everything is scheduled and decided for them, where every minute of every day is timetabled, and they're handheld through everything? That's a bizarre concept.

If you consider having to learn how to hide emotions 'independence' then you do, but I call it being stunted.

No thank you! I’d rather have my daughter at home with us when she’s a teenager so I can teach her how to care for herself myself. She belongs with us until she’s an adult.

I went to boarding school from age 13-18. So exactly the years you're describing. I do think I'm independent and can go anywhere and I'm not afraid for things to end and change. I know that's a really broad thing to say. But sometimes I see people getting emotional about moving house or leaving a job or generally chapters ending. I don't really mind that. I've been really used to it, since I was young. Not sure if that's because of boarding school though.

In terms of independence, I don't know. I was absolutely hopeless when I left school at 18. At school there was a rule for everything and everything was very controlled and regimented. I found it really difficult to sort myself out without these rules and do normal adult stuff. I'm not sure how it would have been, had I been at home. I was very rebellious at school..

Going to uni was an absolute doddle for me, as I was so used to living away and it was basically like school but without the rules. I found it very difficult to be responsible with money etc and missed classes a lot. Again, I don't know how it would have been, had i stayed at home for school.

I think my school could have given us slightly more autonomy to set us up for the big wide world. But again, I had lots of friends who didn't mess around like I did once they left school. They just got on with it. So this could just be my personality.

The only thing I can say is that I'm not afraid of many social situations and changes and I would pretty much move / go anywhere if it made sense for my family. I'm not tied anywhere or to anyone really. ( apart from my immediate family ). I do love my parents and I do see them regularly, but I'm just not tied to where they are. I was happy to move around at uni and after and it didn't bother me at all. I know lots of people who didn't board and always stayed in one place who would never do that kind of stuff. They'd miss their families and where they're ' from ' too much. They don't know who they are without their parents / siblings / communities they've grown up in. Whereas I don't feel like that. I have no idea if that is boarding school or just the way I am.

Oh I should add that I was an ' overseas ' student anyway. That may add to how I am too.

Will I send my kids ? Probably not. I want to know what's going on with them day to day and I want to be able here for them to advise them on heartbreaks and problems they face during those teenage years. I was relentlessly bullied at certain points and my parents had no idea.

All in all though, I absolutely loved it. Living with all your friends at that age is just so much fun !

Yabu. Don't know anything about boarding school and certainly do not like the idea.

But why can't kids learn independence living at home? I accept that teens are a bit more cooped up these days in their rooms on gadgets. But they can still learn life skills. Cooking, washing, gardening, cleaning. Helping with shopping. They can get themselves to and from school and go out to meet friends. They could do part time jobs.

Packing teens off on their own to learn the hard way doesn't always end well.

Why do people al why's have to be so down on the younger generations?

Absolutely this.