To think that the majority of teenagers would benefit from going away to boarding school

[Covidisstillanissue]

I’m just musing based off those who I know personally. Clearly, this is unlikely to ever become a widespread idea but thinking hypothetically. Also, while I think for the majority of teenagers this would be beneficial it wouldn’t be for everyone.
First off, I think it would massively benefit them in terms of independence. So many times nowadays teenagers (especially younger teens) are unable to even do the most basic things and are often very infantilised. I think with boarding often you become far more independent than your peers who live at home and go to day school.
Secondly, socially I think it would be beneficial as they live with their friends and often form far stronger friendships and (tied in with independence) a bit more maturity in terms of how they deal with their friendships. In schools nowadays it feels like parents and pastoral staff are constantly dragged in to even the most minor disputes between friends, sometimes with kids age 15/16 - an age you would expect them to be gearing up to be behaving more like adults.
To be clear, I do not think that boarding school is good for children under the age of about 13 (year 9) however, for teenagers I do think they would benefit.
There’s other things I could say but overall Aibu to think that for most teenagers boarding school would be beneficial?

This is bonkers. I went to uni with folk who went to boarding school - they had ZERO clue about independence because their housemasters/mistresses had done everything for them. One of them said that they had experienced the worst bullying of their life, and there was no escape because they couldn't go home at the end of the day.

I would never send my kids. My DH was nearly killed by bullies at boarding school (who realised he they had gone too far and stopped strangling him, but he was lucky). He has never told his parents, because it would upset them. He is emotionally independent, but a bit scarred and finds it hard to open up.

His bullies I'm sure would recommend it and would send their kids!!

The cowardly op seems to have fucked off but I trust they appreciated all the feedback.

My husband went to boarding school. He is very damaged as a result. YABU

I'm sure it's possible for parents to teach their DC the skills they need to be an adult without sending them away to school . It sure what the basic things are that you think many teens aren't able to do - but if they involve things like cooking, cleaning, shopping, finding their way around on public transport etc I'm not sure how boarding school can help. I'm also glad that my DC was able to benefit from individual support around any emotional, relationship or social issues.

Not sure who wrote the post but laundry, shopping and cleaning are routine, and easy. Learning to live with a lot of people, is more complex because it is very fluid. It's not about dealing with siblings, it's about coping 24 x 7 with people you are not related to and who have no reason to back you up in a disagreement. A person who survives and thrives at boarding school is more likely to do well in life.

If their parents can afford boarding school then yes, they are more likely to do well in life.

Nah. There’s something called boarding school syndrome so I think you’ll traumatise vulnerable children for life….

No. I can't think of anything worse for my DD, she'd hate it. She likes her own space and would struggle being forced to spend time with people 24/7. She can learn all about independence living at home from me.

Why are people always in such a rush to push their children out the door? And the suggestion to do 6th form as boarding as a bridge to university? Why? Surely university is where young people take their first steps into true independence? That's all part of the university experience.

As I wrote upthread, most of the people I know who went to boarding schools went because their parents were in the services. And we were expected to be able to talk to admirals and generals by the time we were 9 or 10. Obviously our views were not taken too seriously, but we were expected to be competent at holding a conversation.

And it would have been taken into consideration for the next promotion round.

The importance of training the next generation is a skill much missed IMHO.

Depends what you mean by ‘training’

Mibe are lovely, polite and good citizens. I’m not sure I ever ‘trained’ them.

So is my DC. He is polite, savvy about knife crime, and holds his own in conversation. I think he's a good citizen too.

Mine have both chosen to go to a sports boarding school for 6th form. They were already very independent due to me having spent time being a single parent and can cook/clean/wash their own clothes etc. Maybe it’s the school that they chose, but both of them have flourished. They do their own washing at school and there is flexibility with mealtimes and study support that they have to manage themselves. Not all boarding is bad.

It’s a redundant point though. Most people who thrived at normal schools thrive in later life too.

No! better to learn independence and drive by NOT living in an institution. Having a social life outside the school gates. Exploring space outside home and outside school.

My son attends boarding school. He throughly enjoyed it and it was a great experience for him. He’s in his 20’s and talks very fondly of his time there.

I think it could be beneficial if you have a parent who is clinically depressed, an alcoholic, or they travel constantly.

Also for some ‘only’ children who are fairly sociable, mature, laid back and independent.

And for teens that have a special talent or sport.

In terms of academics and sports, it could be a great idea. However, given that their peers are so very important to teens, and it is a time of development where they are quite easily influenced, I would be really, really careful about who their fellow classmates and teachers were, and as that is something that is largely down to chance, I wouldn’t want to risk it personally. Especially given the prevalence of drink and drugs in many UK boarding schools atm.

And that’s aside from the lack of moral values that seem to run through some of them and the attitude that “anything is ok as long as you can get away with it”.

I am sure there are some good boarding schools but it very much depends on the head teacher in control at the time and that again is another very changeable factor.

who have

You have clearly considered the arguments @Bluespecsandshoes and decided it's not for your family, which is a decision I totally respect.

Danes do it quite often but for a year or two max with frequent weekends home. The schools usually have some sort of speciality so they can pursue interests or sports. It's a bit like a very supervised gap year.

That actually sounds very good. I have a lot of time for the Danish education system.

We gave our son, at 13, a year of flexiboarding, at a time we couldn't really couldn't afford it, to ensure he had experience of thinking responsibly for younger children.

So it's suddenly okay if the Danes do it?