To think that the majority of teenagers would benefit from going away to boarding school

[Covidisstillanissue]

I’m just musing based off those who I know personally. Clearly, this is unlikely to ever become a widespread idea but thinking hypothetically. Also, while I think for the majority of teenagers this would be beneficial it wouldn’t be for everyone.
First off, I think it would massively benefit them in terms of independence. So many times nowadays teenagers (especially younger teens) are unable to even do the most basic things and are often very infantilised. I think with boarding often you become far more independent than your peers who live at home and go to day school.
Secondly, socially I think it would be beneficial as they live with their friends and often form far stronger friendships and (tied in with independence) a bit more maturity in terms of how they deal with their friendships. In schools nowadays it feels like parents and pastoral staff are constantly dragged in to even the most minor disputes between friends, sometimes with kids age 15/16 - an age you would expect them to be gearing up to be behaving more like adults.
To be clear, I do not think that boarding school is good for children under the age of about 13 (year 9) however, for teenagers I do think they would benefit.
There’s other things I could say but overall Aibu to think that for most teenagers boarding school would be beneficial?

Possibly. But to be fair they only posted an hour ago.

So what you are saying is that instead of being bothered to parent your DCs bringing them up to be decent citizens, the answer is to send them away so someone else has that responsibility?

I agree that lack of parenting or helicopter parenting causes lack of independence but boarding school is a ridiculous solution to this!

I like this thinking!

That’s fine. But we’ve also been through profound loss with multiple pregnancies where I’ve been on my knees with grief and yet still, nothing. He is just shut down.

I went to boarding school and hated it. I would not inflict it on my children.

Our PMs and MPs who attended boarding schools aren't exactly great adverts for it.

When I went to boarding school we had to do housekeeping chores for ourselves and the larger group such as laundry and cleaning the dorms and day rooms.

Im not advocating for them, but just saying we weren’t all pampered.

I don’t know about boarding school, boot camp or the army for some little sweethearts.

I went. For some it works out great for some it doesn't, as with everything. I don't think it does make you prepared for normal life. Independent yes, less emotional perhaps, but that is not the same as prepared. Very rigid rules and timings so no learning to time manage, organise social life etc.
The thing I hated most and still do is the long school holidays with no local friends, this continued into uni when home, nobody to be with between 18-21 and is hard to break into groups. It made me very lonely and I have taken the last 15 years to build up a community and feeling of belonging where I live now. All my close friends from school feel the same, none of us have sent our kids away and all felt a bit lost in our 20's with no real place to say we were from.

No. I choose to parent my own children, not outsource it.

This.

My teenage niece is currently at a well known boarding school. The single thing she dislikes about it most is the lack of independence and self determination.
My DD shared a flat with a girl who had boarded when she started University. Her flat mate could do nothing domestically speaking. She didn't know how to cook simple meals or wash her own clothes. She'd had it all done for her at school since she was 11 and when she was home in the holidays her parents pampered her because they'd missed her and she never had to lift a finger. She followed my DD round like a little lost sheep unable to look after herself for ages.
It's certainly not guaranteed that boarding fosters practical independence.
From my observations of lots of friends and family members who have boarded I'd say it fosters emotional detachment which might come across as independence but that's not something I wanted to encourage in my children.

This.

I attended state school and it was like that as well. My husband who attended boarding school left with little independence (everything is done for you, lack or confidence, he can network with cocky horrible bullies fairly effectively as they require special interaction.

Who do you imagine would pay for it 🤔

Boarding schools have changed massively since the era of boarding school syndrome. If pupils have any issues now, they're straight on the phone to their parents. Boarding schools are businesses - if the pupils are not happy, they can't function. My granddaughter goes to one and she loves it. She has the choice of either sleeping at school or coming home. She usually sleeps over a couple of nights a week. Most boarding schools today have the same options.

You think putting children into institutional care is better for them than being with their family?

I 100% agree with this. I went to Boarding School at 16, I had way less independence and was shocked at basic things the other kids did not know.

Being on her period have an acident and having to give to someone else to wash it that she doesn't know, while she would prefer to wash it, dry it and manage it herself.

Mine was a girls school with day pupils too, and the number of times we helped out day girls with hygiene supplies, spare pants sometimes, helping them get cleaned up etc, are without count. (and their mums often sent us nice treats as a thank you) That wasn't an issue

When I went to boarding school we had to do housekeeping chores for ourselves and the larger group such as laundry and cleaning the dorms and day rooms.

same. We had to wash up after every meal except lunch (but lunch at weekends too) and clean the dining room. We had to clean the dorms and bathrooms after use, but there were cleaners who did the toilets and ablutions properly.

We did have midnight feasts though, and just general silliness that the day girls didn't have.

Independence? in many ways yes, and in other ways, no. For eg most of us flew in and out of the country and had to make our way from the airport, across London, and then on the train to our town and then get to the school (bus for preference because most parents gave us taxi money)
We got pocket money - parents sent it to school and we had to request how much we wanted in any given week. So budgeting was a thing.
We had to wash our own clothes (by hand) and so on, so we learned how to do that.
But i do miss that i don't have a fantastic sibling relationship because we were at different schools and didn't really grow up together outside holidays (and there weren't many family holidays because boarding school is expensive, even with grants)

I know quite a few boarding school kids and they're invariably damaged in some way.

It's not all bad though, they're generally well educated enough and have the self awareness to understand and rationalise exactly how boarding school damaged them.

15 years isn’t a huge amount of time, my husbands little brother now goes to the same school, it certainly doesn’t seem to have changed since he left, if anything its worse as instances of SA are now filmed.

Boarding schools have changed massively since the era of boarding school syndrome. If pupils have any issues now, they're straight on the phone to their parents. Boarding schools are businesses - if the pupils are not happy, they can't function. My granddaughter goes to one and she loves it. She has the choice of either sleeping at school or coming home. She usually sleeps over a couple of nights a week. Most boarding schools today have the same options.

That is great for your granddaughter, but I know from talking to current boarders and parents that many of the same issues that I experienced 30 years ago are ongoing: abuse, bullying etc. etc. and some of the parents of boys who are suffering are leaving the boys in that situation because the don't want to move them as it will interfere with their own lives (amongst other reasons). It is incredibly sad.

I used to work in a boarding school pre-dc’s. The grounds and buildings were gorgeous, the teaching and pastoral staff were lovely and the house parents were incredibly kind. Regardless of all that, the majority of kids there felt abandoned, had real problems with self-esteem and attention seeking, and did not have a great relationship with their parents. All the staff were aware of it and tried their best to negate it, but there’s only so much a parent-substitute can do. I didn’t know a single member of staff who would have considered sending their own children to board. Not one.

There is no way in hell I would send my DC’s to one - I can teach them to be self-sufficient without them feeling abandoned.

It's completely alien to the vast majority of people so it's always going to be unpopular. But given that probably less than 5% of children actually board, I think it's very interesting that almost 20% of people agree with you on here so far.

If I could afford it, I would offer my kids the chance to do weekly boarding (4/5 nights a week) from age 13, and termly boarding for sixth form.

I'd like to think they'd already be independent enough by then to at least give it due consideration.

Those options only exist for the kids who are local.

Maybe your in your GD's case being away from the family home is better, and in some families that will always be the case, but the family is the global norm for good and proven psychological reasons.