To think that the majority of teenagers would benefit from going away to boarding school

[Covidisstillanissue]

I’m just musing based off those who I know personally. Clearly, this is unlikely to ever become a widespread idea but thinking hypothetically. Also, while I think for the majority of teenagers this would be beneficial it wouldn’t be for everyone.
First off, I think it would massively benefit them in terms of independence. So many times nowadays teenagers (especially younger teens) are unable to even do the most basic things and are often very infantilised. I think with boarding often you become far more independent than your peers who live at home and go to day school.
Secondly, socially I think it would be beneficial as they live with their friends and often form far stronger friendships and (tied in with independence) a bit more maturity in terms of how they deal with their friendships. In schools nowadays it feels like parents and pastoral staff are constantly dragged in to even the most minor disputes between friends, sometimes with kids age 15/16 - an age you would expect them to be gearing up to be behaving more like adults.
To be clear, I do not think that boarding school is good for children under the age of about 13 (year 9) however, for teenagers I do think they would benefit.
There’s other things I could say but overall Aibu to think that for most teenagers boarding school would be beneficial?

Absolutely. Parents need to actually parent their children and stop buying them electric babysitters and trying to be their best friends.

Isn’t this what uni does?

Absolutely not.

DH went to a boarding school. He was horribly bullied and still bears the scars even though he's nearly 40. There's never enough oversight, and being thrown in full time with people you wouldn't necessarily choose as friends isn't good for emotional health.

Oh dear OP, good luck! Mumsnet is full to the brim of posters OUTRAGED at the notion of boarding school, despite never having attended one themselves. And yet most will claim to know, or indeed be married to someone who attended boarding by school and will spend a decent amount of time regaling you with how damaged they are as a result.

Which is mostly made up internet bullshit but that’s the way Mumsnet is I’m afraid.

But to give you a response from someone who DID go to boarding school (and from a younger age than 13!) I think your suggestion is an excellent one. I and all my peers who attended boarding school loved it and grew as individuals so much more than my non boarding school friends. I think more children should have the experience, I really do.

Haha, this is funny coming directly after my post.

The solution to poor parenting is not to send children away to boarding school.

No.
I've parented 4 kids to adulthood. Oddly enough they can cook, budget,work travel independently (barring youngest who has special needs) without ever being sent away.
They also had us to turn to when life felt rough, when they needed help to cope with teen stuff, or when they needed someone who loved them to say no, you can't do that.

They are all close as adults, and we have a lovely relationship with all of them. Because we parented.

I dated a guy who had spent his entire childhood boarding and he was unbelievably repressed. Independent, yes, but not in a way I'd want for my family.

My kids were surprised when they went to uni and met people who weren't uni ready in terms of self care. They moaned about having to practice those skills as they grew up but knowing stuff like how to change a duvet cover or cook will hopefully gave meant more time for fun and a nicer quality of life during term time because they didn't actively have to think about it and it was more automatic .

Maybe it's time for uni readiness to be considered as important as reception readiness?

My kids would not have benefitted from boarding school. This is primarily because teen friendships are hard and 24/7 thanks to technology so a break from that at home was considered a massive relief for them. I actually went to boarding school and a room on your own wasn't an option until year 13. My kids like to be left on their own for some peace sometimes.

Yes. Strong bonds with your friends until you all leave and your support network doesn't exist anymore. I think leaving boarding school and all you have known could actually be classed as trauma

Oh dear OP, good luck! Mumsnet is full to the brim of posters OUTRAGED at the notion of boarding school,

I mean it's just a discussion, nobody is OUTRAGED

The points you raise are valid in regards to ensuring greater independence, less infantilising etc.

Assuming that boarding school is the route to improve this is batshit crazy. Can't we just parent differently?

The 4 most emotionally repressed people with the worst relationships with their family I know all went to boarding school. Their adult lives reek of what they went through.

You might improve independence but it will come at a cost of something else for young developing children.

I went to boarding school

I hated so much of it. The food, always having someone around all the time
just - urgh

This. My brother is still scarred from his two term boarding experience. I was too young to be sent thankfully, parents worked abroad.

Agree with the person above who said that independence can be achieved without sending a child to boarding school.

I got it by being able to work as a child and generally by being able to get myself to places. I was also expected to do my share of jobs around the home.

My neighbours kids are just like this and are great. Others seem to never go anywhere without their parents, don't do anything like paper rounds and their parents run themselves ragged to do everything at home too.

I am not anti boarding but no I don’t think boarding would have helped me.

The boarding near us the children have homework clubs, sports etc all until 7pm then straight to dinner. Including on Saturdays

I went past them the other day and thought my god it really is non stop and they are training them also militarily to work work work and fill their days. Whilst this would be hugely beneficial for many and is nearly a different breed - the one thing I am so proud of about my upbringing and education is that I learnt how to learn by myself with no input. In evenings when I needed to do homework or coursework, no one to copy or take lead from, no one to assist or encourage, no one to tell me to or block a time to do anything so if I procrastinate it’s my problem to deal with.

I consider myself a self starter, happy with my own company and can sit and do nothing without anxiety without having to fill my days. These are all important traits I wish to pass to my son. And I don’t think boarding would necessarily instill these.

But as others have said at boarding schools you aren't independent at all - meals cooked / cleaning done for you / even set time for homework!

You become emotionally independent and independent from family but that's not what you meant!

My best friend says EXACTLY the same about giving up on anyone being there for them and suppressing all emotion as a child.

Completely agree with this

What was the demographic of the school you worked in? I don't recognise the teens described on here. I live in Liverpool, in a low income area. Teens pitch in with the family, they have to get street smart (I'm already teaching my primary GC about knife crime), they don't get taxied about ( most people don't have cars), they could be left at home from 16 etc etc. If the MC aren't churning out responsible teens, that's on them.

I boarded. Apart from the very serious sexual and other abuse that took place, there were absolutely no attempts to teach any life skills at all. All laundry and cooking was done for you for instance.

As multiple PPs have said, good and engaged parenting, encouraging independence from the home, part time jobs, teaching children to navigate actual life, not the artificial environment of boarding, is what is important.

I also think it is incredibly important that my children have conversations with multiple adults in a relaxed atmosphere and can share any worries they have rather than just speak with (a very homogenised group of) peers or a housemistress/master.

I don't think boarding school supports real independence. Emotional detachment type independence and trust issues possibly. However the day-school pupils are much more likely to develop life skills through being asked to pop in to sainsburys on their way hope from school to pick up a few things, or to cook a meal once or twice a week, or to have daily or weekly chores like unstacking the dishwasher, sorting out the bins and recycling and taking a turn cleaning the family bathroom - whereas I am sure that boarding school pupils would rarely have this kind of input into the mechanics of running a household.

I'm sure there are some older teens who enjoy aspects of boarding but it's a long way off the majority. What the majority need is a really supportive and reliable loving parental home which yes they might be starting to rebel against and be starting to find too restrictive, but releasing them from it into an environment where they don't have their parents looking out for them isn't the right solution to that. What someone wants isn't always what they need.

Rather than making kids more independent it actually makes them less - at boarding school everything is done for you. Time is very structured, including prep lessons, all food is prepared, the cleaners tidy up, you’re not travelling to get to school, and you’re not free on weekends to explore your local area and hang out with kids from different schools, background.

This is all stuff you can learn afterwards but boarding certainly doesn’t teach students independence it simply institutionalises them.

I went to boarding school from age 13. I hated it. It feels like you’re at school 24:7 with no proper home life. It felt very lonely even with friends around. I concluded for me that it was a completely horrible way to raise your kids and very detached. It is a very English thing to send kids away young too. I would never send my kids away like this. Family life is too important to development and well being.

The points you raise are valid in regards to ensuring greater independence, less infantilising etc.Assuming that boarding school is the route to improve this is batshit crazy. Can't we just parent differently?

I agree with @alexaisrising.

I also think most kids benefit from some time away from their parents - school residentials, club camps (brownies, football etc) and it would be good to make these experiences available to all.

As someone who was sent to boarding school, I think it's a dreadful idea. The scars never ever went away.