To think that the majority of teenagers would benefit from going away to boarding school

[Covidisstillanissue]

I’m just musing based off those who I know personally. Clearly, this is unlikely to ever become a widespread idea but thinking hypothetically. Also, while I think for the majority of teenagers this would be beneficial it wouldn’t be for everyone.
First off, I think it would massively benefit them in terms of independence. So many times nowadays teenagers (especially younger teens) are unable to even do the most basic things and are often very infantilised. I think with boarding often you become far more independent than your peers who live at home and go to day school.
Secondly, socially I think it would be beneficial as they live with their friends and often form far stronger friendships and (tied in with independence) a bit more maturity in terms of how they deal with their friendships. In schools nowadays it feels like parents and pastoral staff are constantly dragged in to even the most minor disputes between friends, sometimes with kids age 15/16 - an age you would expect them to be gearing up to be behaving more like adults.
To be clear, I do not think that boarding school is good for children under the age of about 13 (year 9) however, for teenagers I do think they would benefit.
There’s other things I could say but overall Aibu to think that for most teenagers boarding school would be beneficial?

One of my best friends at school boarded.
he hated it, and it really fucked up his relationship with his parents. He hated his father so much for going to work abroad.

I don't know about that but if they made boarding schools for 39yr old mothers of teenagers I'd sign myself up ASAP 😁

If you’re being bullied at school, you never get a break from it if you’re boarding. It’s horrible.

Also, people often confuse independence and emotional detachment. One is good- the other less good.

This!

I'm far from convinced it is for everyone. It can have huge value for children from troubled homes, or in kinship care, grandparents and aunts/uncles may cope with these kids for holidays when full-time care is not practical. Sadly most boarding schools use their charitable requirements to find bright kids that can push their grade averages up, but taking on these kids and getting them reasonable grades and keeping them out of the care system would be way more charitable.

Or perhaps i stead of taking the easy option parents could start actually parenting and teaching their kids how to be self sufficient, capable and worthwhile adults?

also don't underestimate the effect on parents. I was at boarding school due to being a military family, and there is no doubt that i benefitted HUGELY from a stable (and good, independent school) education. That is not in doubt in my mind.

However, my parents really missed me, i missed them and in hindsight we might have muddled through with my schooling anyway.

What the actual boarding part did? (i cry, so i'm not repressed - although maybe i cry more because of school? who knows. I did a lot of crying there and at various airports and train stations). What it did is make me good at communal living and generally knowing how to let things go that aren't deal breakers, and how to address things that are. I learned how to stand up to bullies, and how to call out my peers who were bullies or exhibiting bullying behaviour.

I learned how to keep secrets. I learned the value of good friendships and teamwork. I am still in touch with my good friends from school and we were there in the 70s/80s.

I learned how to choke down food that i don't really like, if it was the choice between that and going to bed hungry. I learned how to make the contents of my tuck box last a whole term, and how to share a tray of delicious food (which we occasionally got) so everyone got their fair share. And how to share a tray of horrible food so the younger ones weren't bullied into eating more (we were disciplined by lecture if we didn't eat all our food). I learned, from the dining room, how to negotiate deals ("the rest of your jug of milk for the rest of our butter and jam" type of thing)

My husband attended boarding school, he didn’t have a name, he had a number, he had no privacy, he couldn’t even dress, wash or use the toilet in private, he was relentlessly bullied, his belongings were stolen or destroyed and his clothing regularly hidden. How did this benefit him?

Your statement is far too sweeping OP - how you can you possibly know what's best for the 'majority of teenagers'. If you'd said "AIBU to think that going away to boarding schools can sometimes be a positive experience for teenagers older than 13", many more people would have been willing to listen and engage with your arguments.

You’re right in respect that it teaches them independence and builds their self confidence. They also learn how to interact and network effectively. My husband went to public school and he had to learn two languages and a musical instrument. Heavy on sport too.

But it’s ruinously expensive and selective. Harry only got into Eton because of who he was. He wouldn’t have stood a chance otherwise.

It absolutely wouldn't be good for my DD. She needs to have home where she can come and get away from school and friends. She finds socialising difficult and having nowhere to be alone, not being able to come home and talk to us about her problems would be very difficult for her.

You’re right in respect that it teaches them independence and builds their self confidence. They also learn how to interact and network effectively

😂😂😂🙄

All mine who went to state school are like that. Such a silly statement.

My father was part of a scheme in the late 1940s that gave children the opportunity to experience boarding school for one year. State run. Obviously completely optional.

It sounded quite a tough regime but it was an enjoyable experience that stayed with him all his life and definitely expanded his horizons which were, as was normal then, quite limited.

Hey there, you've hit puberty now, yeh it's all sorts of confusing and scary, your hormones are all over the place, you feel angry and lost, sad sometimes and you don't know why. Yes we know you are at a vulnerable time in your life where the risk of low self esteem, mental health issues, self harm and eating disorders are at their highest, but what we're gonna do is tell you your parents don't want you living with them anymore, so you can learn to pick up laundry and make soup. That'll end well.

Same here. YABVU

I boarded in the sixth form and that worked well for me, but I don't think it would work well for everyone. My own kids are day pupils and would hate boarding life. There are far better ways to give children confidence and life skills.

Sorry, quote didn’t post first time.

Same here, YABVU

My son goes to state school and it’s The Inbetweeners on speed. It’s depressing.

It’s sad that you think other people could raise your children better than you.

It’s also sad that for some children, being away from parents would be a good thing because their parenting is so poor and emotions are so lacking.

For children with engaged parents that love them, home is best.

A lot of men who have been to posh boarding school seem pretty infantilised to me.

No, I think it's an awful idea.

Has the OP done a runner? It was this someone trying to write a story......?

I know I might be wrong but I've always thought of boarding schools for wealthy children whose parents have no time for them because of work or life style.

While I agree that It could benefit some teenagers (maybe part time only) there's aspects of being at boarding school that are very reclusive.

I can only imagine my daughter being forced to eat what she doesn't want, and then vomit everything and consequently being bullied for it, while she could come home cook a lovely meal and eat stress free.
Being on her period have an acident and having to give to someone else to wash it that she doesn't know, while she would prefer to wash it, dry it and manage it herself.
Not having a break from pupils she doesn't like, and even the ones she does. Too much social activity drains her and she likes peace and quiet, moments alone to write on her diary, play a game, go for a walk.
Not having a familiar adult to talk to and vent that will listen and reassure her, instead they will talk to professionals that have no attachment to the teens. Very square, very strip of emotion.

I am sure there would be a few positives to attending but not full time. There needs to be a balance and parents need to raise their children properly, I think the problem would revert to the fact that there is no time anymore to raise children, people work and work and work to have wealth and assests for themselves and to pass on to the children they ultimately can't raise and then you see that the only bond they have is to money.

I didn’t cry when my father died. Didn’t go to boarding school. Just deal with my deep emotions in my own way.