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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DS would be better off getting a job rather than going to uni

366 replies

Goinganon321 · 24/03/2023 01:04

My son wants to go to uni but has no idea what to study. 75% of his cohort (non-selective state school) usually apply and go and he says it’s the norm.

He is taking English, Spanish and Sociology for A level (so no STEM) and will probably be predicted BBB. He does the bare minimum for his A-levels (no super-curricular stuff at all) so I question why he wants to go to uni.

AIBU to say he should take a year out, work and think about it? He says I am because working shifts in Maccy D’s for a year won’t change a thing and most of his friends don’t have a clue what they want to do for a career so are just choosing a degree related to their ‘best subject’ at A-level. Difference is that most of them are doing at least one STEM subject! DS doing a degree in humanities or Spanish not so useful in this day and age.

On the other hand, having him resentfully living here and working shifts for a year while all his (equally undecided) friends are at uni isn’t exactly an attractive prospect either…. Help!

OP posts:
TomatoesAndPeaches · 24/03/2023 01:09

Is there a reason you want him to work? Are you struggling financially?

Onthenosecco · 24/03/2023 01:11

There is value in non-STEM subjects.

There is value in doing a degree, in that it shows a level of commitment, it shows an ability to engage academically, ability to work with others, etc, depending on what course you choose to do.

Those who are degree educated - regardless of what degree they have, or what job they choose, earn more on average than those without a degree.

That being said, uni is absolutely not the correct route for everyone, and his reasons for wanting to go to uni sound pretty weak.

The issue with taking a year out is that you can get used to earning; which makes it hard to give up full-time work to go to uni. That’s why most of my friends who “took a gap year to work and decide what to do” after school ended up not going to uni at all. Some regret it. None of my friends who went to uni have told me they regret it.

Is there any way he can do a part time course while working part time?

Original poster
Goinganon321 · 24/03/2023 01:16

TomatoesAndPeaches · 24/03/2023 01:09

Is there a reason you want him to work? Are you struggling financially?

Not struggling particularly, no - no more than others anyway. I just don’t think DC should go to uni and incur debt etc unless they are enthused by degree course and want to study. DS no idea about what to study and shows no enthusiasm - other than for a uni experience!

OP posts:
Original poster
Goinganon321 · 24/03/2023 01:21

Is there any way he can do a part time course while working part time?

Abive all, he wants to go to uni and live away from home and get the full student experience. Wouldn’t be interested in a part time course. I have nothing against him going to uni but he has no idea what to study and seems to view it as a placeholder/entitlement.

OP posts:
Onthenosecco · 24/03/2023 01:27

Goinganon321 · 24/03/2023 01:21

Is there any way he can do a part time course while working part time?

Abive all, he wants to go to uni and live away from home and get the full student experience. Wouldn’t be interested in a part time course. I have nothing against him going to uni but he has no idea what to study and seems to view it as a placeholder/entitlement.

He can do both while moving away too?

Moving away was a fantastic experience for me and I learned a lot through that experience that I wouldn’t have done had I not gone to uni. Many unis do flexible courses and you can change course fairly easily based on your own interests once you start.

Original poster
Goinganon321 · 24/03/2023 01:33

@Onthenosecco sorry to ask for clarification - are you suggesting he moves away and enrols in a part-time course at a Uni and works part-time? If so, surely that would be HUGELY isolating for an 18 y.o? He won’t be eligible for fresher’s accommodation if part time and won’t make Uni friends - plus they will be full time and he would be P/T.

OP posts:
SabbatWheel · 24/03/2023 01:34

DD started uni and dropped out very quickly. 8 years down the line she is earning 10k more than her mate who has a first class degree in Maths and owns her own flat because someone gave her a chance in a job. She no longer does that job, in fact something very different, but working and earning flicked her switch. Uni isn’t for everyone.

Phoebo · 24/03/2023 01:37

Onthenosecco · 24/03/2023 01:11

There is value in non-STEM subjects.

There is value in doing a degree, in that it shows a level of commitment, it shows an ability to engage academically, ability to work with others, etc, depending on what course you choose to do.

Those who are degree educated - regardless of what degree they have, or what job they choose, earn more on average than those without a degree.

That being said, uni is absolutely not the correct route for everyone, and his reasons for wanting to go to uni sound pretty weak.

The issue with taking a year out is that you can get used to earning; which makes it hard to give up full-time work to go to uni. That’s why most of my friends who “took a gap year to work and decide what to do” after school ended up not going to uni at all. Some regret it. None of my friends who went to uni have told me they regret it.

Is there any way he can do a part time course while working part time?

This. If he can, he should go to Uni, it's always better than not going (unless he doesn't want to of course)

Original poster
Goinganon321 · 24/03/2023 01:38

@SabbatWheel pleased for your DD. But my DS 💯 wants uni coz he wants student life and fun. Doesn’t want to get a job. Trouble is he shows no interest in any subject (other than, perhaps, Spanish if I am being generous!)

OP posts:
Onthenosecco · 24/03/2023 01:40

Goinganon321 · 24/03/2023 01:33

@Onthenosecco sorry to ask for clarification - are you suggesting he moves away and enrols in a part-time course at a Uni and works part-time? If so, surely that would be HUGELY isolating for an 18 y.o? He won’t be eligible for fresher’s accommodation if part time and won’t make Uni friends - plus they will be full time and he would be P/T.

I’m saying it’s an option.

I have no idea why he wouldn’t make friends if he’s part time; and he doesn’t need to live in “freshers accommodation” (I stayed in halls for a year and it was honestly horrendous; I made no friends from my halls - I did make friends from my course though) - they are always crying out for flatmates in many uni towns/cities. He can also do extra curriculars which are great ways to make friends.

Now personally I’d go full-time but it seems you are keen to have him work instead of uni, so maybe part time would be a good compromise.

Original poster
Goinganon321 · 24/03/2023 01:41

Phoebo · 24/03/2023 01:37

This. If he can, he should go to Uni, it's always better than not going (unless he doesn't want to of course)

Show quote history

I agree Uni is better. But is it if DS has no enthusiasm for a particular subject and is motivated by just having three years of student life? Pls read my OP

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 24/03/2023 01:42

I can see your point there seems to be 'all kids have to go to uni so parents can say there kid is at uni' thing

Or an automatic finish school go to uni thing

But if a child actually wants to go I would not put them off

FrogsHiccups · 24/03/2023 01:43

My parents strongly encouraged me not to go to university. I took their advice and it’s one of my biggest regrets.
Like your son, I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I was a generally good student, but I didn’t (and neither did my parents) fully understand the university system with regards to fees and student debt.
I am/was absolutely intelligent enough to do a degree. And not having one has limited my career prospects now I’m in my 30s and wanting to take that next step.
Had I gone to university, I definitely would not have studied a STEM subject.

Onthenosecco · 24/03/2023 01:45

Goinganon321 · 24/03/2023 01:41

I agree Uni is better. But is it if DS has no enthusiasm for a particular subject and is motivated by just having three years of student life? Pls read my OP

Show quote history

And? Three years of student life is a fantastic experience in its own right. Far better than working in McDonald’s, which was your suggestion.

Many unis offer generalised study in your first year, more akin to school, where you can get a feel of a variety of subjects before specialising. Specifically; Glasgow do this, but I’m sure there will be many unis who do this route.

Original poster
Goinganon321 · 24/03/2023 01:45

@WandaWonder yes he wants to go but has no enthusiasm/interest in a particular course. He will end up picking one but just coz he wants the uni experience - not coz he is into the subject or studying. Surely it is legitimate for me to be concerned about that?

OP posts:
Phoebo · 24/03/2023 01:48

Goinganon321 · 24/03/2023 01:41

I agree Uni is better. But is it if DS has no enthusiasm for a particular subject and is motivated by just having three years of student life? Pls read my OP

Show quote history

Surely there is something that interests him? This is what I did, and I got a job because the person hiring wanted someone with a degree (any degree). It put me on a good path to now be a high earner, and my career has nothing do with my degree.

Onthenosecco · 24/03/2023 01:48

Goinganon321 · 24/03/2023 01:45

@WandaWonder yes he wants to go but has no enthusiasm/interest in a particular course. He will end up picking one but just coz he wants the uni experience - not coz he is into the subject or studying. Surely it is legitimate for me to be concerned about that?

What specifically is your concern though?

Original poster
Goinganon321 · 24/03/2023 01:49

And? Three years of student life is a fantastic experience in its own right. Far better than working in McDonald’s, which was your suggestion.

this is a gross misrepresentation @Onthenosecco - I was suggesting he took a gap year working to think about whether to go to uni and what to study! Pls see my posts.

OP posts:
Phoebo · 24/03/2023 01:50

Plenty of people do a specific degree, then change anyway. Great if he knows what he wants to do but many young people don't. I think he's better to do it when he's young, rather than think about doing it later on as it probably won't happen or be much harder

Onthenosecco · 24/03/2023 01:52

Goinganon321 · 24/03/2023 01:49

And? Three years of student life is a fantastic experience in its own right. Far better than working in McDonald’s, which was your suggestion.

this is a gross misrepresentation @Onthenosecco - I was suggesting he took a gap year working to think about whether to go to uni and what to study! Pls see my posts.

He’s unlikely to go back to uni after working full time for a year. Plus, he will be missing out on the true uni experience, especially if his friends are all away at uni and he is working full time in McDonald’s and living with you.

Original poster
Goinganon321 · 24/03/2023 01:54

So, to summarise the feedback so far, DS should go to uni even though he is not enthused by any subject and primarily wants the ‘student experience’. My idea that he takes a year out, works and thinks about it is misguided! Let’s leave it there for now - posting on MN late at night often results in strange views!

OP posts:
Phoebo · 24/03/2023 01:57

Goinganon321 · 24/03/2023 01:54

So, to summarise the feedback so far, DS should go to uni even though he is not enthused by any subject and primarily wants the ‘student experience’. My idea that he takes a year out, works and thinks about it is misguided! Let’s leave it there for now - posting on MN late at night often results in strange views!

In a year, how will his views on a subject have changed and how will he be better off working in some menial job like McDonald's? Maybe think about it like that. After a year at least he'll be on the path of having a degree

EconomyClassRockstar · 24/03/2023 01:57

My son is at a globally recognized STEM uni and my daughter is at a liberal arts college. My daughter had had 8 offers for summer internships and my son will be working a summer camp again. If he is still free to choose his major when he gets there, I'd let him go and he can then work it out for himself. But he needs to work the holidays.

Oldsu · 24/03/2023 01:58

I am glad my DS did not go to Uni he was thinking about it at one point, he trained as a plumber instead, he is in his 30s now and owns his own business I am very proud of him

Onthenosecco · 24/03/2023 01:59

Goinganon321 · 24/03/2023 01:54

So, to summarise the feedback so far, DS should go to uni even though he is not enthused by any subject and primarily wants the ‘student experience’. My idea that he takes a year out, works and thinks about it is misguided! Let’s leave it there for now - posting on MN late at night often results in strange views!

Views aren’t “strange” just because they differ from yours.

I personally think it’s nuts to talk a kid out of going to uni in favour of getting a job in McDonald’s, and I’d be really hurt if my mum felt that was a more appropriate path for me; despite my motivations for going to uni.

What serious harm can possibly come out of him going to uni? None.

What harm can shelving uni and going to McDonald’s do? Lots. It tells your son that he can’t be trusted to make decisions. It tells your son that his happiness doesn’t matter. And so on.