To think DS would be better off getting a job rather than going to uni

[Goinganon321]

My son wants to go to uni but has no idea what to study. 75% of his cohort (non-selective state school) usually apply and go and he says it’s the norm.

He is taking English, Spanish and Sociology for A level (so no STEM) and will probably be predicted BBB. He does the bare minimum for his A-levels (no super-curricular stuff at all) so I question why he wants to go to uni.

AIBU to say he should take a year out, work and think about it? He says I am because working shifts in Maccy D’s for a year won’t change a thing and most of his friends don’t have a clue what they want to do for a career so are just choosing a degree related to their ‘best subject’ at A-level. Difference is that most of them are doing at least one STEM subject! DS doing a degree in humanities or Spanish not so useful in this day and age.

On the other hand, having him resentfully living here and working shifts for a year while all his (equally undecided) friends are at uni isn’t exactly an attractive prospect either…. Help!

He might realise that he never wants to work in an office; or a city; or he might find he enjoys shift work more than 9 to 5, ; wants a job that's always onthe move, or outdoors, or he loves/hates factory work; enjoys customer service.

I agree. Work experience can also help the young person decide that they want their life to take a different direction.

It depends on what he wants to do.

The highest earners I know didn't go to uni.

Really? What are their roles?

This is not uncommon, many professional roles still require professional exams regardless of a degree or not so actually unnecessary for many. The highest earners I know (millionaires) own their own businesses. Varying fields of business. It amazes me that people really believe you need a degree to be a high earner.

A degree in Spanish - or modern languages where he could study another language - would be very useful, and would lead to lots of opportunities eg business, teaching, translation while for many other jobs a degree is now a necessity where 30 years ago A levels would have been sufficient.

And being in Uni will give him a chance to grow up, more than having a minimum wage job. He's very unlikely to find that a year flipping burgers helps him decide what degree he wants to do.

He's predicted good grades, so is academically able, should be able to get into a decent university, so why postpone it?

If he wasn't academic, or didn't want to go to uni I think it would be unreasonable to push him to go, but why try to stop him going when he's able?

but why try to stop him going when he's able?

Because all the lecturers who have taken the trouble to post on this thread say it is a waste of time teaching a student who doesn't want to learn? He would also waste a year's worth of student finance if he drops out.

Fully agree. I massively "grew up" during my first couple of weeks working at a very low level as an office dogsbody immediately after my last day of school. Just being in the workplace surrounded by adults was a real change from being surrounded by children and teachers. Different conversations, different attitudes, different expectations. I matured and transitioned from child to adult in just a couple of weeks really.

My child felt University wasn’t for them. So they did a course in their chosen subject while working part time in the same subject and two years later they are doing great! They have a two year headstart on work experience for a good company, they travel, have fun and have money and no debt. But- they did know what they wanted, they are mature, enjoy working and ready for responsibility. This formula might not work for someone who is undecided or immature. Good luck to your son!

Maybe he could try working overseas or in another part of the UK?

I think it is important to find a career path that interests or fulfills him, otherwise he might just drop out. I think you are wise to suggest a year out to gain some life experience.

The daughter of one of our neighbours took a year out (the covid year) and worked instead. She went to Uni the year later and really felt like a fish our of water because she felt a lot more mature, despite being only a year older, due to her year of working, when all her flat mates and course mates were basically school-leavers. She's always felt like an outsider in this, her first year, because of that, even though she's only a year older - it's not the age, it's the life experience!

Exactly.

A lot of it also came down to attitudes to drinking. Because of the way our school year works; about half of all Scottish freshers are only 17 (if they go straight from school) and many of them hadn’t been allowed to drink at home. Even just at 21 I’d kinda done the clubbing thing for years; it wasn’t a massive novelty or anything for me.

Why are you so snobby about STEM subjects? No one in my family has a STEM A level or degree, but they’ve all got pretty good jobs.

Funnily enough, DD didn't feel old and worldlywise when she started university after a gap year. It probably helped that a couple of her flatmates were older as well.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be concerned, OP. However, the worst thing you could do for this young adult is refuse to encourage him.
Just offer your support and hope for the best - other posters on here have already written about their regret that their families persuaded them into not going, so you don’t want to be “that” parent, as he’ll resent it later.
If he’s really not cut out for it he will find out, either before he starts (i.e. if he doesn’t get a place) or part way through his course, but you never know, he might just surprise you!

I totally get what you mean. I only went to uni because friends did and I didn't want to be left at home in a rubbish job with no friends! I didn't have any enthusiasm for any course in particular and did one at random. The thing is, I could get away with it back then as there were no tuition fees to pay so I didn't come out with loads of debt. However to do the same now would have been a big mistake as I've never used my degree and didn't need it for any of the jobs I've done. So I would have been in massive debt for no real reason other than I had 3 years having a jolly and drinking lots.

Did you get any further with this OP.

Im on your side. I think when uni was a free experience it mattered less, now you get tens of thousands of pounds in debt it means more.
My nephew is off to do a frankly ridiculous degree which won’t lead to anything in that field because ‘he doesn’t want to work and wants to get pissed’. Personally he’d be better travelling/working and coming back with an better sense of what he might want to do.

I think uni visits help. I know I made a poor choice at 18 because there wasn’t good advice.
however I had virtually no debt and could do a masters easily.

OP, if your DS can get a decent MFL degree he can aim for the foreign office or other govt dept/civil service job.

My dniece did French & German, and ended up running operations in a swiss ski resort for a British holiday company.

Food manufacturing needs languages, retail & fashion needs languages.

The UK's general lack of ability in languages will give your DS a headstart. And Spanish is a good choice because not all Spanish speak English (unlike German or Scandi).

Can he choose a degree where he studies in Spain for a year? It will help his grades considerably.