To think DS would be better off getting a job rather than going to uni

[Goinganon321]

My son wants to go to uni but has no idea what to study. 75% of his cohort (non-selective state school) usually apply and go and he says it’s the norm.

He is taking English, Spanish and Sociology for A level (so no STEM) and will probably be predicted BBB. He does the bare minimum for his A-levels (no super-curricular stuff at all) so I question why he wants to go to uni.

AIBU to say he should take a year out, work and think about it? He says I am because working shifts in Maccy D’s for a year won’t change a thing and most of his friends don’t have a clue what they want to do for a career so are just choosing a degree related to their ‘best subject’ at A-level. Difference is that most of them are doing at least one STEM subject! DS doing a degree in humanities or Spanish not so useful in this day and age.

On the other hand, having him resentfully living here and working shifts for a year while all his (equally undecided) friends are at uni isn’t exactly an attractive prospect either…. Help!

Exactly this! Plenty of people go to uni for the experience more than a burning enthusiasm for the subject they are studying…a huge part of going is learning independence, how to budget, widening your social circle, increasing your job prospects. If your son ends up dropping out then he can come home and work in McDonald’s- at least give him a chance!

Going to uni is about so much more than acquiring debt! Being educated to a higher level, showing commitment, living away from home, budgeting, being more responsible for own life choices, meeting new people and yes having fun. I could understand a gap year to go travelling but if he's not doing that then it's great he's got a plan while he figures out what he wants todo . He can work while doing degree too, you saw he works at mcds they will usually transfer students and he can pick up shifts when home too. A lot of people don't know what they want to do at 18. This seems like a sensible idea while he figures it out. And either his career chose won't need a specific qualification in which case a degree will enhance his cv or it will and he can figure a plan from there.

my Daughter is entering into year two doing a degree that may or may not lead to a job. After the three years of hell they have been through, with uncertainty, fear, lockdowns and cancellations of nearly everything fun, I want her to have a good time. I want her to live away from home, keep learning, hang with people her age and be surrounded by motivated people, be inspired and maybe find something she is truely passionate about… she’s just switched up her subjects and I can see ideas forming for her future.

im thrilled for her.

I had no idea what I wanted to do at university, what 18 year old does tbh. I had a vague idea of publishing but didn't do this and I'm now in operations for a developmental organisation.

I studied humanities at university and this has really helped in my career journey. It equipped me with critical thinking & and research writing skills. The ability to prioritise multiple deadlines and priorities. Whilst you're at university you get to know more about what your interests are. You create networks & discover opportunities that take you beyond university and this is what people don't understand.

I’m surprised at all those saying ‘He’s unlikely to go after a gap year.’ Surely it’s not unusual at all to take time to decide, apply post-results, and earn some money as a backup fund before you go?

All of my kids did that (in fact one of them took three years out first). They weren’t the only ones in their year to do so, and the school even had a ‘year 14 advice day’ for those taking a year out.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/higher-and-degree-apprenticeships

You had uni supportive parents, the kid in this op doesn't, he has a mum who wants maximum income minimum outgoings from as soon as possible unles he's going to be a doctor

What an unpleasant thing to say and it's clearly untrue.

Op’s view will probably become the majority one over time as costs of living and expectations for parental support rise and rise. Wouldn’t have traded my uni experience or living independently at 18 for work though, god knows you’ll spend enough of your life doing that.

@Goinganon321 i completely agree with you for many reasonS and it’s sad to see the old view of uni is best regardless of the situation

i applied to uni despite not wanting to go or having a passion on a particular subject. decided to not go two months before and went to work.

best decision ever bcos it has led to the most amazing career and I am now a senior manager within a department that deal with apprenticeships and technical education. Basically an alternative route of education and especially to uni. There are so many degree apprenticeships one can do, all the way from midwifery, law, to a dr.

If he really wanted to, he could do an apprenticeship and he would be miles ahead of his colleagues without debt and making money as he works and study. We work very close with employers in the industry and the feedback is they mostly always prefer someone who has done an apprenticeship than a degree as they have hands on work experience and the theory too.

the U.K. is moving towards this now as uni is not the route for everyone. At 28 I am miles ahead and earning a lot more than most of my friends who went to uni.

your job is to show him his options and let’s hope he makes the right decision for himself.

good luck.

Maybe not, but OPs son wants to go so it makes sense for him to try it. He has years of working ahead of him.

I’m feeling defensive about the humanities here as an English lit lecturer! Of course the humanities are still vital (every bit as vital as STEM) and lead to fantastic career progression. Unsure if you’re aware that law falls under humanities, we’re not all useless bums sitting around reading Dickens in coffee shops. I can’t believe you wouldn’t be impressed if he did a Spanish degree either, teaching English as a foreign language is hugely lucrative.

Kindly, you’re being an arse. His future, his choice. STEM is not the be all and end all, unsure why you hold it in such high regard. Without English, we would all be illiterate.

I'm an assistant professor at a university. Unless for a very specific career path that can only be achieved via university study, I will actively discourage my children from going to university.

In the days when higher education was free, then I would have encouraged anyone willing and able to go for the wider experience that living away from home brings. But now, students often leaving was 60k + debt for a mediocre course with limited specific earning potential? Hard no from me. Far better to find an apprenticeship and get on with earning whilst obtaining industry specific training. No reason not to rent a house with mates whilst doing this for the independence skills, especially given the cost of uni accommodation which is also outrageous.

As sad a situation as it is, there is FAR more to life for young people than university in 2023

That’s easy for you to say, you got your education. Let this young man get his.

Hey OP,

Your concerns are absolutely justified… my parents had exactly the same ones. I was always above average intelligence, never really had to apply myself academically but got good grades that sort of thing. When everyone else was discussing Uni I went with the flow, decided to apply for Unis and at the time was going to study Social Work.

I did a lot of soul searching (well, as much as you can at 18!) up to A Level results day and decided I didn’t want to go to Uni at all and I wanted to go to work instead. My parents were furious, thought I was going to waste my life and talents and end up working in a low paid job I hated etc. My Dad was particularly, vocally, disappointed but in the end they had to trust me to make my own way.

I’m now 31 years of age, from the North East but work in London and I’m head of a Service Management department for a software company earning 6 figures - not quite a Social Worker! However there are parts of me who still wish I went to Uni purely for the life experiences it would have given me. I think it teaches young people so much in terms of resilience and forces them to mature and deal with real adult life.

Sorry if it took a long time to get to my point but what I’m getting at is… he can still go to Uni and do even a ‘Mickey Mouse degree’ and it counts for something, there are so many opportunities and career paths that he won’t even be aware exist yet and him going to Uni might consist of the first year getting drunk and doing very little - but that’s a life experience and a learning curve in its own right.

Please trust him to do what he wants to do, have faith it will be alright either way. Even if he decides to go to Uni and then drops out, that doesn’t mean he’s a failure. Everyone has different paths. Try and be supportive rather than judgemental, 9 times out of 10 it’ll work in your favour I promise!❤

Mine did apprenticeships for technical careers and it was massively useful to them long term.
One went straight into engineering with A levels in non STEM subjects
For cultural reasons we wanted to avoid student loans.
One went on to do OU degree sponsored by employer while working full time. Another had no need for a degree because too busy progressing projects and promotion in the industry.

I don't think the typical path from sixth firm to university serves everyone well. Student debt is a massive problem.

This is a good point, you have your whole life to work. There will be plenty of people who didn't go to uni saying it's a waste of time (some based on insecurity), I'd say most that did go to uni won't say they regret it. Support your son with his choices

Thanks for a refreshingly honest post. I also don’t think that going to uni suits every kid and I won’t be encouraging mine to get into shed loads of debt for the “experience”. One of the smartest kids I know has done his research and has landed a really impressive apprenticeship and moved 150 miles away from his parents at 17. The company pay for his accommodation and all his training and he lives with three other trainees. Having a degree is no longer the be all and end all.

Uni is more than a degree. It’s living away from home, meeting a wide range of people, working independently plus it elevates you into a different category in the future workplace.

Don’t worry about what subject he studies - I know loads of people who have careers in fields that are nothing to do with their degree.

Don’t encourage him to stay living at home with his mum and flip burgers!

I wholeheartedly agree with the above. Sound advice.

@MysteryBelle what a bizarre post. OP asked for opinions. I shared mine, from both a parent and academic perspective. Don't try and shut me down because you disagree with what I have to say!

What a strange load of responses. I guess you might be a bit older like me, op, and view University as a place to study rather than as a place for social lives.

And one that comes with a massive debt that no longer pays back. Many are turning away from that now, unless there is some family wealth to support the youngster through his 30s.

I would go with the gap year personally, but not necessarily to work in McDonalds. If your DS wants to study Spanish chances are he will end up as a teacher - and as a male, he will be enabled to rise as far as he wants over us mere females. Suggest he gets a year employment in a school first, perhaps even a special school. There are plenty of TA jobs going and that is genuinely valuable experience wherever he goes next that still provides a social life.

I felt the same as you OP. My DS actually left college saying he had no interest in further education as hated the whole education system of exams etc. He got grades similar to your DS's predictions.

I wanted him to get a degree apprenticeship, but he wouldn't even consider it. So he got a job in retail and after doing that for several months decided to go to uni. I was sceptical as he didn't seem to want to go for any reason other than to have fun and because he'd worked out that working on minimum wage isn't fun.

Year one was a bit of a disaster. He's in year 2 now and doing well. He's learned a lot of life lessons. He's got a lovely girlfriend. He's happy. Could he have learned these life lessons without incurring the uni debt? Probably. Will he end up with a job that actually requires him to have the degree he'll get? Maybe not. Does he even have a career plan? No. But it's his life, not mine, and on balance I am glad he's having the experience and is enjoying it. I'm sure he'll decide later on whether it was "worth it" but for now I think it is.

He is reasonably bright and he wants to continue his education. You should be proud of him. It sounds as if he is under quite a bit of pressure to 'decide' a career path when lots of young people his age are not sure what they want to do.

I think you should support his aim to go to uni. Let him know you think that he is capable of getting a good degree. Humanities graduates have excellent prospects as many graduates schemes do not need specific degree subjects.

Encourage him to sign up for the open days of a few he might like - get a better idea of what it entails and what it costs.

If by the time he needs to apply, he really isn't sure about what subject to study, I would keep the idea of a gap year on the table. However I would encourage him to get a proper full time job that paid more than McDonald's. It would help him save for uni and also give him a better taste of working life which should help him decide his next step.

"DS doing a degree in humanities or Spanish not so useful in this day and age"

Erm...degree in a language not useful?!?! Of course it is! Knowing a 2nd language opens up so many doors to any given career. My DC has chosen to do a language degree at Uni, we visited 2/3 University talks about the courses and the opportunities available are fantastic. My DC is can't wait to learn more about the language, is engaged in educating herself and would be gutted to feel her degree wouldn't 'be so useful in this day and age'!!

But if your son has no clear subject interest, then uni will probably be a waste of time, effort and money. It's hugely expensive anyway so maybe a year out, working might be best for him.

My sister (mid August birthday) took a gap year in similar circumstances. She had a cleaning job and did some administrative work, then went on a Tall Ships voyage. It was the making of her and she went off happily to university a year later with more commitment to study. She found not wanting to hoover pub carpets very motivating...

16 is very young.