Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that DH is selfish over my jury service?

470 replies

SeekChase · 23/03/2023 08:14

Hi Ladies...
So, around 2 months ago I was sent a Jury Summons. As I am a mum to 2 small (1&4) children, and with the Jury Service being set for first week or half term ( no preschool), I tried to get out of it, but to no avail. I do understand that they always invite a surplus of potential Jury candidates and there is a chance of getting out on the day...
However, I did give my DH plenty of notice (he is a roofer) and asked that he takes that week to 10 days off to look after the kids (I am normally the stay at home mum) - while I do the Jury Service IF I can't get out of it.

HE AGREED.
Well, last night, bearing in mind I have a week or so before the Jury service starts, he told me he wants to work and its tough. He said I'll have to not go. I said I can get fined £1000 for not showing up, he said "yes it's stupid isn't it" - but won't budge.
I have family but they are actually going away on a prearranged holiday, my DH said they will have to cancel and its not his problem. I am fuming. AIBU?

OP posts:
Backtoreality1 · 23/03/2023 08:16

Absolutely he is an a**ehole. Why is he even thinking this is a possibility? Tell him to sort the child care himself if he wants to work, as you have already made your arrangements for Jury service and he is it!

MangoBiscuit · 23/03/2023 08:17

He is parenting that week. It was already discussed and agreed. If he wants to work it, HE needs to find alternative childcare.

NEmama · 23/03/2023 08:18

He needs to book a childminder he can pay. You can claim expenses back from court.

Wailywailywaily · 23/03/2023 08:18

Is he offering to pay the fine? Either way he is being a dick.

MintJulia · 23/03/2023 08:19

Call the local nanny service and get a quote for five days full time. Send him the quote and tell him this will be what is happening if he will not take the week off because you are not prepared to be held in contempt of court.

Toddlerteaplease · 23/03/2023 08:20

What an utter twat your husband is. Is this normal behaviour for him?

Mateyduck · 23/03/2023 08:21

What a nasty dh. Are u sure you want to stay with someone like him?!

AllotmentTime · 23/03/2023 08:22

Ask him what his childcare plans are while you’re being held in contempt of court

Lastofyou · 23/03/2023 08:22

Just wondering why you didn't request a deferral? You have clear circumstances limiting your capacity for that week.

museumum · 23/03/2023 08:23

In what possible way could his own children ever be “not his problem”???

You being a sahp has led him to believe he has no responsibility at all for his own children. I have no idea how you could live like this. I couldn’t.

Backtoreality1 · 23/03/2023 08:23

Lastofyou · 23/03/2023 08:22

Just wondering why you didn't request a deferral? You have clear circumstances limiting your capacity for that week.

She already said she asked for a deferral but couldn't get one....read the post!

Original poster
SeekChase · 23/03/2023 08:24

I didnt defer because he agreed to have the children and only told me last night he is now working and it is tough.

OP posts:
Lydiahateswashing · 23/03/2023 08:24

If he had genuine challenges then the time to say that was when you had the original conversation.

I feel for you. Perhaps try explaining to the Court clerk in advance or on the day?

Quartz2208 · 23/03/2023 08:24

You cant not go he needs to either not work or find a better solution

Anotherturnipforthebooks · 23/03/2023 08:25

I think your only choice here is to turn up with the kids and get sent home. Awful position to be in but it's what I'd do in your shoes.

TomatoSandwiches · 23/03/2023 08:25

How is it not his problem but other family are the ones that need to cancel holidays, they are his children.

Original poster
SeekChase · 23/03/2023 08:26

I'm sick of it, he is always like this and it's getting worse. He is selfish. This could be the final straw!

OP posts:
Beamur · 23/03/2023 08:26

You cannot just not turn up. It's not just a fine, it's taken very seriously.

snitzelvoncrumb · 23/03/2023 08:27

I don’t know how they expect a mum with young kids can do Jury duty. Just take your kids with you. Be honest that you don’t have care. And obviously your dh is a jerk.

TomatoSandwiches · 23/03/2023 08:27

I'd be looking for full time work and forcing him to take part in his children's care op, if he refuses then at least you'll have a job to fall back on to support yourself if you split.

HadEnoughOfBears · 23/03/2023 08:28

TomatoSandwiches · 23/03/2023 08:27

I'd be looking for full time work and forcing him to take part in his children's care op, if he refuses then at least you'll have a job to fall back on to support yourself if you split.

Pretty much this

BreadPittt · 23/03/2023 08:28

What an a*hole - you'll get fined if you don't turn up, is he too stupid to realise that?

Anotherturnipforthebooks · 23/03/2023 08:28

SeekChase · 23/03/2023 08:26

I'm sick of it, he is always like this and it's getting worse. He is selfish. This could be the final straw!

If this is the case then you should seriously consider ending your marriage because this isn't ok at all.

aSofaNearYou · 23/03/2023 08:31

Do you have joint finances? Will he earn more than £1000 this week? Seems a really odd decision to allow that fine.

Shemovesshemoves21 · 23/03/2023 08:32

What a prize idiot. It won't just be a fine if you don't turn up, I remember another thread where the police rocked up at the OPs house to (I think) arrest her. I couldn't put up with a partner like yours.

Swipe left for the next trending thread