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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that DH is selfish over my jury service?

470 replies

SeekChase · 23/03/2023 08:14

Hi Ladies...
So, around 2 months ago I was sent a Jury Summons. As I am a mum to 2 small (1&4) children, and with the Jury Service being set for first week or half term ( no preschool), I tried to get out of it, but to no avail. I do understand that they always invite a surplus of potential Jury candidates and there is a chance of getting out on the day...
However, I did give my DH plenty of notice (he is a roofer) and asked that he takes that week to 10 days off to look after the kids (I am normally the stay at home mum) - while I do the Jury Service IF I can't get out of it.

HE AGREED.
Well, last night, bearing in mind I have a week or so before the Jury service starts, he told me he wants to work and its tough. He said I'll have to not go. I said I can get fined £1000 for not showing up, he said "yes it's stupid isn't it" - but won't budge.
I have family but they are actually going away on a prearranged holiday, my DH said they will have to cancel and its not his problem. I am fuming. AIBU?

OP posts:
Escapetofrance · 24/03/2023 20:28

Claim for child care with the court. It will be much less expensive than your dh not working for 10 days.

Rainbowqueeen · 24/03/2023 20:28

Wishing you all the best as you get your ducks in a row OP.

Daisydu · 24/03/2023 20:51

What the hell. It’s absolutely his bloody problem! What an ass!

eastegg · 24/03/2023 22:10

FangsForTheMemory · 23/03/2023 09:06

You think it’s fun? I know three people who found it absolutely traumatic. You don’t know what sort of cases you’ll get.

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That’s a leap. Wanting to do it doesn’t mean thinking it’s going to be fun.

eastegg · 24/03/2023 22:14

Blossomtoes · 23/03/2023 09:08

I’m not suggesting you should be able to volunteer but it surely wouldn’t be difficult to allow someone to refuse and just pass on down the list? If I can get through over 50 eligible years without being called there’s obviously no need to coerce anyone who’s unwilling.

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But that would be tantamount to volunteering. They wouldn’t have anyone who didn’t positively want to do it.

eastegg · 24/03/2023 22:24

Anotherturnipforthebooks · 23/03/2023 09:28

Why should a random woman look after their kids?

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Excellent question. ‘School mum’ indeed! How demeaning. School mums have shit all to do in the school holidays, not like manly roofers.

eastegg · 24/03/2023 22:31

Sorry OP, I’ve just realised I’ve got sidetracked responding to other posters while you’re actually dealing with some serious shit. I’ve read your updates and wish you luck and strength. Well done!

T1Dmama · 25/03/2023 02:16

i hope you are OK @SeekChase x
Glad you’ve managed to delay jury duty, and hope you manage to leave him and all settle ok xx

rainbowstardrops · 25/03/2023 07:21

I think you've made the right decision to leave him @SeekChase and I'm glad your parents are being so supportive.
I'm sure you'll be much happier without that nasty prick hanging round your neck.
Best wishes Flowers

Longleggedgiraffe · 25/03/2023 07:56

I can't believe to ur husband is playing fast and loos3 with your liberty. Doesn't h e understand that you do not have a choice? I'd itwas my busbandI'f be letting bus friends know what a complete and utter teat he is too, just to rub it in.

I'm really sorry you've been put in this predicament.

leannetta · 25/03/2023 08:28

Lemonyfuckit · 24/03/2023 13:37

I don't think you husband is fair but even more so if you are a stay at home mum and he would have to take time off work (and would lose salary as a result) to look after the children that's clear grounds for deferral, I don't know all the ins and outs but I'm pretty sure you shouldn't as a family be left out of pocket to that extent due to jury service (if indeed you 'should' be out of pocket at all - that doesn't seem right - eg I'm not self employed, so if I got jury service my employer would need to allow me, and I wouldn't lose any wages, so not remotely out of pocket - in comparison your scenario sounds completely unfair) - seems like v clear grounds for deferral, can you try taking that up with jury service again?

Unfortunately this is not the case. I have just completed 2 weeks jury service (for the second time!).

my employer wrote to the court saying that I needed to be at work and they couldn’t do without me, but this was rejected.

Although my employer had to let me attend, they do not have to pay you, and mine didn’t. The court pays a set amount regardless of your wages, and this amounted to only a third of what I would have earned. I am well out of pocket. This also affects my future holiday pay which is calculated on an average of recent earnings. So a week with zero earnings pushes my average down.

I think it’s right that we do it, but we shouldn’t be out of pocket, and should be able to refuse if you’ve already done it (only excused if within 2 years).

whittingtonmum · 25/03/2023 08:45

I would ring the jury service and say that your child care arrangement has fallen through and that you are unable to find an alternative at short notice. I think they will accommodate.

If need be rock up with the two kids on the first day and they will send you home.

As for your DH. That attitude is surely a problem beyond the jury service. Horrible.

sanityisamyth · 25/03/2023 08:47

@whittingtonmum RTFT

TimeForTeaAndG · 25/03/2023 09:25

Escapetofrance · 24/03/2023 20:28

Claim for child care with the court. It will be much less expensive than your dh not working for 10 days.

He was going to be on paid annual leave. He's not self employed.

Islandgirl68 · 29/03/2023 20:52

I got Jury summons when my kids were pre school. I called to say I can't do it as I am SAHM. So was told to put it it writing. I would try again if possible.

Fuelledbycaffeine89 · 29/03/2023 20:57

Good luck OP, I think you are doing the right thing

caringcarer · 29/03/2023 21:30

They are his children too. My ex was like this it drove me bonkers as well as making me very angry. He will have to sort out alternative arrangements for his children that week and if he does I'd leave him.

caringcarer · 29/03/2023 21:32

I'd book a Premier Inn for night before and just go out night before leaving him with kids then go straight to court in morning. I'd stay in PI until case finished.

caringcarer · 29/03/2023 21:32

And.keep phone switched off.

Stewball01 · 06/04/2023 19:28

Stupid nasty shit.

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