To think that DH is selfish over my jury service?

[SeekChase]

Hi Ladies...
So, around 2 months ago I was sent a Jury Summons. As I am a mum to 2 small (1&4) children, and with the Jury Service being set for first week or half term ( no preschool), I tried to get out of it, but to no avail. I do understand that they always invite a surplus of potential Jury candidates and there is a chance of getting out on the day...
However, I did give my DH plenty of notice (he is a roofer) and asked that he takes that week to 10 days off to look after the kids (I am normally the stay at home mum) - while I do the Jury Service IF I can't get out of it.

HE AGREED.
Well, last night, bearing in mind I have a week or so before the Jury service starts, he told me he wants to work and its tough. He said I'll have to not go. I said I can get fined £1000 for not showing up, he said "yes it's stupid isn't it" - but won't budge.
I have family but they are actually going away on a prearranged holiday, my DH said they will have to cancel and its not his problem. I am fuming. AIBU?

I'd contact the court (phone them) and let them know you will need to defer it due to emergency issues with your childcare falling through. See what they say.

I'd then tell your husband to pack his bags for being such a selfish pr*ck!

He thinks your family should cancel their pre-arranged holiday to look after HIS children?!!!! I'd tell him to fuck off and when he gets there, to fuck off some more!

I don't often shout LTB on here but personally, I wouldn't get past this. I'd be seriously contemplating my future.

That's appalling op. I'm sure it will probably be ok if your childcare has fallen through, but really, if my husband treated me like this with no care at all, I would be rethinking that relationship. I am sorry.

Hopefully there will be a neighbour or school mum who can help out Op.

I do wonder where they expect you to find childcare though?

Not everyone has someone available!

The issue here isn't that you didn't defer and I think it says a lot about equality that you are being blamed for not doing so. It is a public duty and you can only defer once so what would happen if you get called next time in the summer holidays and he would need to take even longer off? The issue here is your useless husband who clearly doesn't rate his kids or you highly if he thinks he can just drop you in it. Contempt of court is a real possibility and he is an arse. You shouldn't be looking up childcare as others suggest. He is their father and he agreed to take the time off. If he can't turn the job down as it's good money or what ever then its his problem to sort childcare. You are not his servant you are his partner

Does he realise that failing to attend jury service is a criminal offence? If you have a criminal conviction it could have all sorts of repercussions for the entire family.

I’m not suggesting you should be able to volunteer but it surely wouldn’t be difficult to allow someone to refuse and just pass on down the list? If I can get through over 50 eligible years without being called there’s obviously no need to coerce anyone who’s unwilling.

Because a lot of people would refuse and then most of your juries would end up biased towards the unemployed and those without caring responsibilities.

I have family but they are actually going away on a prearranged holiday, my DH said they will have to cancel and its not his problem. I am fuming. AIBU?

Does he realise his children are not your family's problem?

I really hope it is OP. This man is behaving terribly. Asking you to break the law because he CBA to sort out childcare?
Get back into full time work, leave this disgusting man. Oh and enjoy JS - I hope it's interesting and you get a good case!

This.100%. OP, when someone shows you who they really are, believe them. If you weren’t prepared to see what a selfish dick he was before, you should be now. He’s led you to believe everything’s ok and then dropped this bombshell a week before your jury duty starts, knowing there will be serious consequences for you. He’s left you with very limited options for child care and your first port of call should be the court, for advice. Don’t just fail to show - it’s contempt of court and as well as the fine you could end up with a criminal record. Tell them what’s happened, that your childcare has fallen through and ask again for deferral. If they grant it, before your jury duty rolls around again, you’ll have had time to seriously consider whether you want to stay with a man who has such utter disregard for your wellbeing that he’s prepared to see you get into serious trouble, and expects your family to consider cancelling a holiday before he’ll get off his arse and help with the care of his own children.

Who are all these cunts of men and shit failing fathers strolling about this earth?

How do they think it’s ok for them to treat people like shit and do what the fuck they want?

His contempt for you is utterly miserable.

This place is so demoralising.

Why should a random woman look after their kids?

Why should a neighbour or school mum help out though?

These children have two parents and it's up to their other parent to step up.

The care of children (related or unrelated) is not solely a problem for women.

Get up early on the first day and leave the house before he wakes up. Kids are then his problem. Turn your phone off.

No it doesn’t because that’s not how jury services works, a valid reason for not going is not “my husband would lose money if he has to look after his own children”. You may think that’s stupid, but that’s how it works for EVERYONE, men aren’t extra special, they don’t get free passes or the right to not have their fucking skivvy attend because it would be too inconvenient for them.

Doesn't want to look after HIS kids? You know, the ones who he is responsible for as well? How does he not see this as his problem? Of course it's his problem, because he has a responsibility to look after his own kids when you can't. I'm sick of how women are always expected to suffer when it comes to kids, i.e no childcare etc, so the mum has to deal with it whilst the men carry on with their lives as if the children don't exist.
I don't think he understands the seriousness of what you have been called up to do. You have been instructed by the courts you must attend ffs, and there are implications for you if you don't.
The £1000 fine will make it pointless for him to have worked. Unless you have to pay that yourself whilst he swans around enjoying his wages?? He needs to educate himself on jury service.

And all the other days?

@Naunet

Yes, exactly this! As inconvenient as it might be, we all benefit as a society from having as many types of people as possible take part in jury service.

It's one of (maybe the only?) mandatory services as a citizen we're required to do.

Why did you marry and have 3 children with a man who clearly has no interest in parenting or any respect for you.

you’re his childcare skivvy - he’s clearly telling you so and that he gives zero shits about the impact of his behaviour on your life.

Explain to the court you are in a domestic abuse/coercive control situation with your children's father, and your abuser has withdrawn his consent/support for you to attend at the last minute as he wants you to be fined/cautioned as a means of control.
And then start looking for some help to get out of the situation you are in.

He views the children as entirely your responsibility. In the longer term I would be looking into getting back into work because he clearly doesn't view you as a team. You can't rely on him so please make sure you're not in a vulnerable position

You misinterpreted my post which was based purely on economics. If I could earn £2k in ten days and faced a £1k fine for not doing ten days jury service, it would obviously make financial sense to go to work and pay the fine.

and all the other days if needed - perhaps she could stay in a hotel for the duration and leave him to it?
hopefully her man child will grow up after the first day

Contact the jury service.
Assume your DP is not going to honour his commitment. Sounds like he has already booked that time for something else.
Tell the jury service you have been let down for childcare and ask to defer. Get something else lined up for the children.
Whatever you do, don't take the children with you or just not turn up.
They're doing their jobs and it's not a trivial deadline but they will work with you.
I did jury service recently and asked to defer for a couple of months. This was allowed.
Ten days is an estimate. I did 4. Some people on the same jury cohort got assigned to a case expected to last 4 weeks.
Then have a very serious conversation with your partner about shared responsibility.

You misinterpreted my post which was based purely on economics. If I could earn £2k in ten days and faced a £1k fine for not doing ten days jury service, it would obviously make financial sense to go to work and pay the fine.

But she could also get a criminal record - is that worth £1k?