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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think DH should’ve appreciated his birthday?

247 replies

Led921900 · 21/03/2023 11:29

DH turned 40, and our youngest is 4 months old so was always going to be quiet.

I ran around the week before, got a birthday banner, balloons (kids like them), cake, a nice shirt, chocolate, star wars socks and puzzle etc. wrapped them all up.
On the day itself he got all that plus I gave him £200.
His parents took our older children for the weekend after his birthday and on Saturday morning me and baby snuck out for two hours to give him a lie in. We came back about 9:40am.

He was going to organise a dart night in the pub with his mates but couldn’t/wouldn’t sort it so it didn’t end up happening.

He’s just told me his birthday was shit. That he wanted a whole day to himself not just the morning (where was I supposed to take the baby?) And that I said I’d be home 10am and actually came back early.
The context is I asked him why I didn’t get a card/present from the kids on Mother’s Day given all the running round I did for his birthday and he said “but my birthday was shit.”

He’s normally a kind DH who pulls his weight with the house and kids. Felt like a real gut punch.
I guess he’s annoyed he didn’t have a night out but that’s not on me?

OP posts:
Dodecaheidyin · 21/03/2023 11:31

Well you know what to do for his next one.

What's he like with your birthdays?

Chocolatetadpole · 21/03/2023 11:33

Well he sounds like an ungrateful, spoilt git.

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 21/03/2023 11:34

Fucking hell, the ungrateful arsehole. I'd be putting him in the fucking bin for that

Suetcrust · 21/03/2023 11:38

Father’s Day. Ignore it.
His birthday next year. Downplay it.
He sounds like an entitled spoilt brat.

MasterBeth · 21/03/2023 11:38

Honestly, it doesn't sound amazing for a special birthday. You gave him cash like he was a teenager? You two and the baby have done somethign really nice together on the big day with 200 quid.

Original poster
Led921900 · 21/03/2023 11:41

MasterBeth · 21/03/2023 11:38

Honestly, it doesn't sound amazing for a special birthday. You gave him cash like he was a teenager? You two and the baby have done somethign really nice together on the big day with 200 quid.

He wanted money to put towards a new iPhone so I thought that was quite a whack towards one, especially as I’m on maternity leave!

OP posts:
Aftjbtibg · 21/03/2023 11:42

This on him; if he wanted his birthday to be different he should have organised it or asked for it to be a certain way. Very ungrateful to throw it back now.

Original poster
Led921900 · 21/03/2023 11:43

To add, he also doesn’t work Friday’s so this Friday he’s going out with his best mate in London for lunch and a catch up. So that will be nice?!

OP posts:
StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 21/03/2023 11:45

I think he's angry at himself for not organising anything with his mates but projecting it onto you. He's probably embarrassed that he failed at Mother's day and so instead of reflecting on it has just gone straight for the defensive.

I think a calm discussion about expectations is a more constructive approach than ignoring father's day.

2Rebecca · 21/03/2023 11:45

What was he planning to do in the house on his own for the day? Most couples with young kids see their birthday as a family occasion. Him not wanting to celebrate with you and his child is odd.

pinkthree · 21/03/2023 11:45

It's probably because it's his 40th and often for milestone birthdays like this people will have a party

Agree with PP it doesn't sound like much was done for his birthday, sorry I know you must be busy with DC but I don't think he is being unreasonable to feel upset

What did you do for the rest of the day after you got back in the morning?

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 21/03/2023 11:46

MasterBeth · 21/03/2023 11:38

Honestly, it doesn't sound amazing for a special birthday. You gave him cash like he was a teenager? You two and the baby have done somethign really nice together on the big day with 200 quid.

You sound just as bad

DappledThings · 21/03/2023 11:46

Married couples giving each other cahlsh will always be weird to me but other than that it sounds like a lovely birthday and he's being a spoilt brat about it.

lazycats · 21/03/2023 11:47

I mean... for a 40th it does sound quite shit. But with a baby I wouldn't expect you to be able to organise that much.

I suspect he was annoyed his darts thing fell through, and perhaps took it out on you. Which is obviously wrong.

bubbles2023 · 21/03/2023 11:49

Sounds like he wanted you to be a mind reader. He should've spoke up about what he wanted instead of brewing then throwing it back in your face.

OhmygodDont · 21/03/2023 11:49

If he wanted a big birthday bash he should have arranged or asked for one.

Also why does he need the house to himself all day.

Turnipworkharder · 21/03/2023 11:50

I swear that would be the last birthday I'd do for him.

You've got a young baby and you left the house so he could sleep...... that's not right.

Honestly OP he's like a toddler having a tantrum.

Original poster
Led921900 · 21/03/2023 11:50

2Rebecca · 21/03/2023 11:45

What was he planning to do in the house on his own for the day? Most couples with young kids see their birthday as a family occasion. Him not wanting to celebrate with you and his child is odd.

Lego. It’s his hobby and he has expensive sets he hasn’t built. 🙈

OP posts:
lazycats · 21/03/2023 11:51

Led921900 · 21/03/2023 11:50

Lego. It’s his hobby and he has expensive sets he hasn’t built. 🙈

Show quote history

Lol. Giving him birthday money, him wanting to play with lego on his own all day...

Are you sure he's 40?

Original poster
Led921900 · 21/03/2023 11:51

Think he’s defensive about being crap on Mother’s Day and probably annoyed he didn’t actually sort out a few drinks with his mates.
when I called him out on Mother’s Day think he’s tried to justify it. 🙄

OP posts:
BreviloquentBastard · 21/03/2023 11:54

Why do you and baby have to be out of the house for him to sit around on his arse playing with Lego?

emptythelitterbox · 21/03/2023 11:56

He sounds about 12 instead of 40.

Plus he didn't do shit for mother's day either.

I'd never do another thing for him for any holiday or occasion and I certainly wouldn't be fucking him anymore. My fanny would dry up and seal shut after his mean and childish antics.

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 21/03/2023 11:57

BreviloquentBastard · 21/03/2023 11:54

Why do you and baby have to be out of the house for him to sit around on his arse playing with Lego?

Agreed. It's very weird that he expected you to leave your home with a young baby just so he can be alone

Original poster
Led921900 · 21/03/2023 11:59

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 21/03/2023 11:57

Agreed. It's very weird that he expected you to leave your home with a young baby just so he can be alone

Show quote history

Maybe he just meant I sit with the baby in the living room. Thing is I came back with elevenses, then I said do you want to go into town and he said yes. So we had a really nice few hours with the baby in London, grabbed a take away lunch came home and watched a film. He never said he wanted to be on his own at any point! Lol.

OP posts:
piedbeauty · 21/03/2023 11:59

Did he ASK you for a whole day to himself on his birthday? What does he usually do for your birthdays? IME birthdays with kids are very differentl You spend them with your kids, then go out in the evening (if you want to, if you have bothered to arrange something...)

And because he thought his birthday was 'shit', he made no effort for Mother's Day? Sounds like a prince of a man with excellent communication skills, OP. Lucky you. (sarcasm.)

He should be using his words to ask for what he wants and to explain his feelings to you. What a sulky man baby.