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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

So upset, not sure what to do

717 replies

Moonstarssunsky · 20/03/2023 17:04

Posting here for traffic.
I'm not sure what to do over a stray cat I've been feeding etc.

I had my own cat until a few months ago when she sadly passed away. Before she passed however, a stray cat started to visit our garden and play with my cat.

The stray cat 'Tom' was so thin that we'd feed him everyday and provided shelter outside for him. We couldn't get close enough to get him into a cat carrier to take him to the vets.
After our Molly died, Tom became more confident with us and started to come into the house and stay overnight.

He put on weight and started to look healthy again. It was still difficult though trying to entice him into a cat carrier in order to check if he was chipped after all. He.was'nt neutered though, hence why we presumed he wasn't chipped either.
I recently borrowed a different kind of carrier to the one we already had, in the hope that it'd be easier to get Tom into it. Just to say, he's not the type of cat you can pick up easily.

Fast forward to yesterday, I was looking out the window and saw a young man walking past my house carrying Tom tightly in his arms. I ran out to speak to the man and saw that Tom was struggling to get free and was very distressed.
The man claimed that Tom was his cat and that he was taking him home as he hadn't seen him for some time.

I explained that we'd been caring for Tom and were gaining his confidence in us and that we'd love to keep him and get him checked and neutered at the vets.

The man was adamant however that Tom was his family pet, but admitted that he'd not been chipped. He said that his family were going to chip the cat immediately, and added that he'd make Tom into an indoor cat just so that he doesn't try to come back to me and my family.
The man let slip his house number (which was much further down the road) and hurried off with the cat still distressed.

I'm angry at myself for not trying to get Tom out of his arms, but I was concerned about repercussions if I did so. I'm also angry with myself for not ensuring we'd taken Tom to the vets sooner. I've no excuses for that, other than I was trying to gain his trust and needed the right carrier along with help from someone else to force him into the carrier if necessary.
A while after Tom was taken, my Dd and I visited the house where he's at and were told basically to go away (not very politely) once again, and that they'd be keeping the cat inside from now on.

I don't know what to do now. I'd love to offer money for Tom but I don't know whether to leave it for a while, as i.dont want to push things with this family.

They also have a few other cats (according to the going man) and so now I'm so upset that Tom is living with other pets and isn't happy there. If he was he wouldn't have left.
Sorry for rambling.

OP posts:
Inkblue · 20/03/2023 17:06

It’s not your cat.

Moonstarssunsky · 20/03/2023 17:11

Inkblue · 20/03/2023 17:06

It’s not your cat.

Yes I know that, but technically he isn't the man's cat either i.dont think, as he's not been chipped and the man also said he'd no proof of ownership.
I'm concerned for the cat as he was extremely thin when he started coming to us.

OP posts:
Wine4whine · 20/03/2023 17:18

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ladydimitrescu · 20/03/2023 17:19

You need to back off op, it's not your cat. He's not a stray, he belongs to another family whom you need to leave well alone. As for trying to take the cat from his arms, don't be ridiculous! You said yourself he's not easy to pick up, so that's probably why he was wriggling. Leave them alone, and adopt your own cat op.

MyMumsOnMN · 20/03/2023 17:21

My cat used to wonder and didn't come back for a few weeks one time. Turns out it was because someone else was feeding him. I'd be fuming if I knew you were doing this. Leave the cat alone, it's not yours.

AdInfinitum12 · 20/03/2023 17:21

Moonstarssunsky · 20/03/2023 17:11

Yes I know that, but technically he isn't the man's cat either i.dont think, as he's not been chipped and the man also said he'd no proof of ownership.
I'm concerned for the cat as he was extremely thin when he started coming to us.

Yes, technically, he is the man's cat. He bought/adopted him presumably. He also doesn't need to provide you, a total stranger, with any proof of ownership.

coffeecookie · 20/03/2023 17:22

My neighbour did this to me.

Cat was not a stray and was skinny but well looked after- was skinny due to being fussy eater.

Back off, you should not be feeding other people's cats!

Inkblue · 20/03/2023 17:22

Just because the cat is not chipped doesn’t mean he doesn’t own it. I don’t understand this thing with people adopting other people’s cats just because they are eating food they put out. My cat will eat anything and will go back for more. Next Door is full of posts like this and the owner inevitably turns up. Also, cats roam and sometimes they even get a bit lost, particularly male cats. It just isn’t your cat on any level.

bloodywhitecat · 20/03/2023 17:22

There's no current obligation to microchip a cat in the UK is there? Tom is not your cat, he has a home and an owner.

ElonsMusky · 20/03/2023 17:25

Moonstarssunsky · 20/03/2023 17:11

Yes I know that, but technically he isn't the man's cat either i.dont think, as he's not been chipped and the man also said he'd no proof of ownership.
I'm concerned for the cat as he was extremely thin when he started coming to us.

my dog isn't chipped, nor does he have a serial number to prove he's mine. I'd like to see someone try to take my dog on that basis lol.

Inkblue · 20/03/2023 17:25

bloodywhitecat · 20/03/2023 17:22

There's no current obligation to microchip a cat in the UK is there? Tom is not your cat, he has a home and an owner.

I read somewhere that it may become obligatory but there are going to be a lot of cats that miss out for various reasons.

Moonstarssunsky · 20/03/2023 17:27

I totally get what you're all saying, and I wouldn't try and 'steal' someone else's cat.
I'm just concerned because Tom was extremely malnourished when he started visiting us and is the kind of cat who loves to explore outdoors.
Now he's going to be kept inside and will be miserable, and I'm concerned too for his diet.

OP posts:
MyMumsOnMN · 20/03/2023 17:28

@Moonstarssunsky you don't have proof of ownership either because you've tried to steal him. Leave the cat alone.

Namechangedagain20 · 20/03/2023 17:28

My sister caught a cat we’d seen around trying to get into our houses and took it to the vets to see if it was chipped as was very thin. Turned out it was and had a thyroid issue and was medicated. You shouldn’t have fed it, you should have taken to a vets instead as you don’t know the cats medical history.

pinkthree · 20/03/2023 17:30

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Grin
DorotheaHomeAlone · 20/03/2023 17:30

The law has just changed and owners have until June next year to get their cats chipped. Cat microchipping now compulsory

@ElonsMusky dog microchipping has been compulsory for ages! You could be fined.

Regardless, OP you can’t just go around claiming unchipped cats!

Sapphire387 · 20/03/2023 17:30

Moonstarssunsky · 20/03/2023 17:27

I totally get what you're all saying, and I wouldn't try and 'steal' someone else's cat.
I'm just concerned because Tom was extremely malnourished when he started visiting us and is the kind of cat who loves to explore outdoors.
Now he's going to be kept inside and will be miserable, and I'm concerned too for his diet.

I think you need to stop. It is not your cat. Very likely to be the man's cat.

Moonstarssunsky · 20/03/2023 17:30

Namechangedagain20 · 20/03/2023 17:28

My sister caught a cat we’d seen around trying to get into our houses and took it to the vets to see if it was chipped as was very thin. Turned out it was and had a thyroid issue and was medicated. You shouldn’t have fed it, you should have taken to a vets instead as you don’t know the cats medical history.

I would have if I could've got close to him.. He's put on quite a bit of weight and is much healthier looking.

OP posts:
DorotheaHomeAlone · 20/03/2023 17:31

The law change is for England btw

ShapesAndNumbers · 20/03/2023 17:31

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Inkblue · 20/03/2023 17:31

DorotheaHomeAlone · 20/03/2023 17:30

The law has just changed and owners have until June next year to get their cats chipped. Cat microchipping now compulsory

@ElonsMusky dog microchipping has been compulsory for ages! You could be fined.

Regardless, OP you can’t just go around claiming unchipped cats!

So it has just changed. Maybe a campaign is needed to let people know.

AdInfinitum12 · 20/03/2023 17:32

Moonstarssunsky · 20/03/2023 17:27

I totally get what you're all saying, and I wouldn't try and 'steal' someone else's cat.
I'm just concerned because Tom was extremely malnourished when he started visiting us and is the kind of cat who loves to explore outdoors.
Now he's going to be kept inside and will be miserable, and I'm concerned too for his diet.

But you did want to try and steal someone else's cat. You said it yourself you wish you'd tried to take him from his owners arms!

You have no idea why the cat was skinny initially. Could have been recently adopted having been neglected previously. Could have been a medical thing. My old cat lost loads of weight post-op. It took ages to build back up again. You're trying to make the situation fit your own narrative!!

If you want a cat go and adopt one of the thousands in shelters, not trying to take one who already has a home. And stop feeding cats, they end up coming back again and again and you've no idea if they're on a special food diet and you're actually doing more damage.

MrsDoylesDoily · 20/03/2023 17:32

You're angry?

I'm fucking seething that you didn't do the decent thing and put a paper collar on it, enquiring whether it belonged to someone else.

And of course the cat was distressed, they don't tend to like being held when you're standing up 🙄

Get your own cat and leave his alone. Feeding other cats is what causes them to not go home in the first place and you know that.

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 20/03/2023 17:32

Not your cat
Cats shouldn't be fat
Get your own cat

AdInfinitum12 · 20/03/2023 17:33

ElonsMusky · 20/03/2023 17:25

my dog isn't chipped, nor does he have a serial number to prove he's mine. I'd like to see someone try to take my dog on that basis lol.

Providing you're in England or Wales it's actually a legal requirement to chip your dog.

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