Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

So upset, not sure what to do

717 replies

Moonstarssunsky · 20/03/2023 17:04

Posting here for traffic.
I'm not sure what to do over a stray cat I've been feeding etc.

I had my own cat until a few months ago when she sadly passed away. Before she passed however, a stray cat started to visit our garden and play with my cat.

The stray cat 'Tom' was so thin that we'd feed him everyday and provided shelter outside for him. We couldn't get close enough to get him into a cat carrier to take him to the vets.
After our Molly died, Tom became more confident with us and started to come into the house and stay overnight.

He put on weight and started to look healthy again. It was still difficult though trying to entice him into a cat carrier in order to check if he was chipped after all. He.was'nt neutered though, hence why we presumed he wasn't chipped either.
I recently borrowed a different kind of carrier to the one we already had, in the hope that it'd be easier to get Tom into it. Just to say, he's not the type of cat you can pick up easily.

Fast forward to yesterday, I was looking out the window and saw a young man walking past my house carrying Tom tightly in his arms. I ran out to speak to the man and saw that Tom was struggling to get free and was very distressed.
The man claimed that Tom was his cat and that he was taking him home as he hadn't seen him for some time.

I explained that we'd been caring for Tom and were gaining his confidence in us and that we'd love to keep him and get him checked and neutered at the vets.

The man was adamant however that Tom was his family pet, but admitted that he'd not been chipped. He said that his family were going to chip the cat immediately, and added that he'd make Tom into an indoor cat just so that he doesn't try to come back to me and my family.
The man let slip his house number (which was much further down the road) and hurried off with the cat still distressed.

I'm angry at myself for not trying to get Tom out of his arms, but I was concerned about repercussions if I did so. I'm also angry with myself for not ensuring we'd taken Tom to the vets sooner. I've no excuses for that, other than I was trying to gain his trust and needed the right carrier along with help from someone else to force him into the carrier if necessary.
A while after Tom was taken, my Dd and I visited the house where he's at and were told basically to go away (not very politely) once again, and that they'd be keeping the cat inside from now on.

I don't know what to do now. I'd love to offer money for Tom but I don't know whether to leave it for a while, as i.dont want to push things with this family.

They also have a few other cats (according to the going man) and so now I'm so upset that Tom is living with other pets and isn't happy there. If he was he wouldn't have left.
Sorry for rambling.

OP posts:
YetMoreNewBeginnings · 20/03/2023 18:26

Yeah, one of my neighbours uses the “starving cat, very thin looking, looking healthier now” line about my cat.

Who was a perfectly healthy weight for her size (like with children people have lost sight of what heathy is because so many cats are fat), was made bloated by the food she was given (she was on a special diet) and is now a house cat because she was being made ill.

Don’t feed cats that aren’t yours. If you genuinely think there is a stray there are people who will come out and scan or trap and scan if needed.

Muu · 20/03/2023 18:26

They probably told you he is going to be an indoor cat to try to stop you trying to steal him.

WonderingWanda · 20/03/2023 18:27

Moonstarssunsky · 20/03/2023 17:30

I would have if I could've got close to him.. He's put on quite a bit of weight and is much healthier looking.

It's not your cat. How do you know his weight is healthy if you have never been able to catch him and take him to the vets? Cats are too fat and they will always act hungry and double up on meals. My own cat will look perfectly healthy but the vet will tell me he is over weight. You had no right to decide to just start feeding this cat and letting it into your home. In the very least you should have caught it, got it checked by a vet and asked on all your local Facebook groups to see if it has a new owner. Why don't you get yourself a new cat of your own, then the owners of the cat you stole will stop worrying you are going to steal their cat again and let him go outside.

NerrSnerr · 20/03/2023 18:28

The reason they want the cat to be an indoor cat is because you've been feeding it, so indirectly stealing the cat! If you were concerned you should have called a cat charity. I know a couple of people with 'skinny' cats who have had neighbours try to steal them.

MrsDoylesDoily · 20/03/2023 18:28

Yeah, one of my neighbours uses the “starving cat, very thin looking, looking healthier now” line about my cat.

It takes 6 years to become a Vet.

It's amazing how many people think they are one when they want to feed someone else's cat 🙄

Prinnny · 20/03/2023 18:29

Would love to know how the conversation went when you rocked up at the owners door with your kid in tow..

LikeTearsInRain · 20/03/2023 18:29

mad

Viviennemary · 20/03/2023 18:29

Its not your cat. If you are concerned the cat is not properly looked after contact the RSPCA. Dont go round cat napping.

OldFan · 20/03/2023 18:29

I'm angry at myself for not trying to get Tom out of his arms

@Moonstarssunsky You wanted to get his pet out of his arms? That's his pet. I understand how you feel, I'm a cat person too, but it's his pet.

Un7breakable · 20/03/2023 18:29

It's not your cat. Stealing other people's Cats by tempting them with food is immoral. Cats struggling when picked up is not a sign the man is not the owner. Get your own cat.

Rosscameasdoody · 20/03/2023 18:29

Moonstarssunsky · 20/03/2023 18:24

Thanks
I did act on good faith, although now I'm concerned
they'll ensire the cat doesn't manage to get out, even if he's stressed.

OP, you don’t own a cat, they own you !! As a past cat owner, you’ll know this. If he’s not happy where he is, Tom will find a way to get out. I personally think it’s quite cruel to keep a cat indoors when it’s used to roaming - and particularly cruel for an un-neutered Tom. The fact that it’s un-neutered suggests that it’s not a particularly responsible owner. If you’re still concerned the only thing you can do is contact the RSPCA and report your concerns/ that the cat was in poor condition previously etc., and see what they say.

ArseMenagerie · 20/03/2023 18:30

Why would the guy steal the cat? More likely it’s his cat who was missing and got thin and you fed him - which I think is the right thing! Now you’re trying to keep him…which is the wrong thing!

OldFan · 20/03/2023 18:30

@Moonstarssunsky They run off, it's what they do. It doesn't necessarily mean he's being treated badly at home or anything.

EggyBreads · 20/03/2023 18:30

You should never ever feed other people's animals without permission. We had randoms feeding our cat unbeknownst to us, the dry food they were giving resulted in a hospitalised cat and a massive vet bill.

Monsun · 20/03/2023 18:30

derbylass81 · 20/03/2023 18:18

The usual MN pile on, I see 🙄

An unneutered Tom is generally a stray or the product of an irresponsible owner.

OP, you acted in good faith. Unfortunately it does appear he belongs to this guy.

I doubt they will keep him in though; it's not easy to keep a cat in who wants to go out.

He might come back. Doesn't sound like he likes it there.

This ^

In my experience, cats tend to pick their humans (and won't stay around a bad one for long - 'owner/purchaser/freetoagoodhome ad replier' or not).
OP, despite everything that happened, the cat (and I) think you're kind.

Catterbat · 20/03/2023 18:31

WinterDeWinter · 20/03/2023 17:45

I find it really weird that posters think property ownership trumps animal welfare.

  1. the property cat was malnourished
  2. the cat was unhappy or would have stayed where he was
  3. 'indoor cats' are cats who aren't allowed to exercise their natural instincts
  4. Worse, this cat has been free to roam but will now be imprisoned so that the 'owners' can maintain their property rights

100% this.

momonpurpose · 20/03/2023 18:32

It's not your cat. If I were him I'd keep it inside too after you behaved so unhinged

OldFan · 20/03/2023 18:32

they'll ensire the cat doesn't manage to get out, even if he's stressed.

@Moonstarssunsky My cats are indoor cats, after I had too many get run over or disappear. They're perfectly happy. The older one wasn't always an indoor cat, but she adjusted fine and is happy. Indoor cats live longer.

OdeToAutumn · 20/03/2023 18:33

Moonstarssunsky · 20/03/2023 18:19

The thing is, Tom started to put weight on after being fed regularly. He isn't fat, just a normal healthy weight now
If he was supposed to be a skinny build he would've stayed the same weight surely.

I can only speak for my what happened with my cat, but he was healthy (as confirmed by the vet) and a normal weight for his size.

He did put on weight when he was being fed by others (two other people!) but surely any cat would put on weight if they get used to eating 3 times the amount.

We have unlimited dry food and we give wet food twice a day. He eats our other cats leftovers. He’s just a bit greedy.

The family that thought he was underweight didn’t have a cat themselves so maybe your situation is different as you’ve had a cat and would know better what an underweight cat might look like so although sounds like a similar situation, maybe the cat you’ve been feeding was underweight.

I know people shouldn’t feed stray cats, and can cause health issues, but I assume most people feeding what they perceive as strays are doing so out of concern. I wasn’t angry with the family that fed my cat. The whole thing unfolded when they found out he was chipped and when they saw him again they put a note on him. I now send photos of the cat and have said they can visit when they like (they don’t live here anymore)

Beautiful3 · 20/03/2023 18:34

Please don't worry. Cats are highly intelligent and real escape artists. He'll open his door/window one day, and that cat will run out, and come straight to yours! He won't be stupid to get caught again. It will happen.

LuckyPeonies · 20/03/2023 18:35

Basic pet care includes spaying/neutering, chipping, and sufficient food. The OP is obviously familiar with cats and can correctly judge when a cat is malnourished so I 100% believe her statement that he was starving. Furthermore, If the neglectful cat owner had been concerned about the cat, he would have gone door-to-door looking for him.

OP, fingers crossed the poor cat will somehow be able to escape and make his way back to you.

Mymblesdaughter · 20/03/2023 18:35

I'm sorry everyone is being so horrible! You were just trying to help the cat . There are so many unwanted stray cats around at the moment. I would automatically assume a cat that wasn't spayed was a stray. Who in this day and age doesn't get their cat neutred? Maybe you could write them a letter explaining the situation re trying to find his owner etc and telling them you had fallen in love with the cat ,and if they ever found they couldn't look after him, you would love to give the cat a home.?

Livelovebehappy · 20/03/2023 18:35

I get where you’re coming from OP. If you see a cat that looks malnourished, and seems to be outdoors all the time, you would have to have a heart of stone not to give it food and warmth. The cat might belong to the guy, but it doesn’t mean the cat is being looked after. It’s a difficult call, but if he is neglectful, you can bet the poor cat will be back outside pretty soon. There are a lot of really rubbish pet owners out there unfortunately.

Lennybenny · 20/03/2023 18:35

Tom's and cats in general can roam for miles. You obviously didn't go that far down your own road if he lives near enough to walk to.
I lost 2 cats because someone decided to feed them. My ds were upset for months because they didn't come home.

It's not your cat.

ImAvingOops · 20/03/2023 18:36

I don't think you were wrong to feed him - very few cats are on medication and have to eat a special diet and if he looked malnourished it's better imo to feed him than not.

But you don't really know if he's unhappy at home or mistreated. I know it doesn't look good what with him being not neutered or chipped but some people are just a bit crap - it doesn't automatically follow that the cat isn't loved or fed.

At some point that cat will get out - they can be speedy little bastards when they want to be. See how it looks if it comes back.

Swipe left for the next trending thread