So upset, not sure what to do

[Moonstarssunsky]

Posting here for traffic.
I'm not sure what to do over a stray cat I've been feeding etc.

I had my own cat until a few months ago when she sadly passed away. Before she passed however, a stray cat started to visit our garden and play with my cat.

The stray cat 'Tom' was so thin that we'd feed him everyday and provided shelter outside for him. We couldn't get close enough to get him into a cat carrier to take him to the vets.
After our Molly died, Tom became more confident with us and started to come into the house and stay overnight.

He put on weight and started to look healthy again. It was still difficult though trying to entice him into a cat carrier in order to check if he was chipped after all. He.was'nt neutered though, hence why we presumed he wasn't chipped either.
I recently borrowed a different kind of carrier to the one we already had, in the hope that it'd be easier to get Tom into it. Just to say, he's not the type of cat you can pick up easily.

Fast forward to yesterday, I was looking out the window and saw a young man walking past my house carrying Tom tightly in his arms. I ran out to speak to the man and saw that Tom was struggling to get free and was very distressed.
The man claimed that Tom was his cat and that he was taking him home as he hadn't seen him for some time.

I explained that we'd been caring for Tom and were gaining his confidence in us and that we'd love to keep him and get him checked and neutered at the vets.

The man was adamant however that Tom was his family pet, but admitted that he'd not been chipped. He said that his family were going to chip the cat immediately, and added that he'd make Tom into an indoor cat just so that he doesn't try to come back to me and my family.
The man let slip his house number (which was much further down the road) and hurried off with the cat still distressed.

I'm angry at myself for not trying to get Tom out of his arms, but I was concerned about repercussions if I did so. I'm also angry with myself for not ensuring we'd taken Tom to the vets sooner. I've no excuses for that, other than I was trying to gain his trust and needed the right carrier along with help from someone else to force him into the carrier if necessary.
A while after Tom was taken, my Dd and I visited the house where he's at and were told basically to go away (not very politely) once again, and that they'd be keeping the cat inside from now on.

I don't know what to do now. I'd love to offer money for Tom but I don't know whether to leave it for a while, as i.dont want to push things with this family.

They also have a few other cats (according to the going man) and so now I'm so upset that Tom is living with other pets and isn't happy there. If he was he wouldn't have left.
Sorry for rambling.

the property cat was malnourished

Probably cos he had got lost.

the cat was unhappy or would have stayed where he was

No, they just enjoy escaping, or get lost. Then random people feed them and stuff so they stay out.

'indoor cats' are cats who aren't allowed to exercise their natural instincts

Indoor cats are ones that don't get run over and die young. They still enjoy their life, run around, chase stuff etc.

Worse, this cat has been free to roam but will now be imprisoned so that the 'owners' can maintain their property rights

This cat has got lost but now is found and will be in his home to make sure he is safe from being run over and getting lost (and not nicked by randoms.)

Surely his cat went missing/got lost.

Got thin because he had gone missing/got lost

Now owner has found said cat and hopefully will chip and neuter him. An un neutered male can go for MILES to find a female so likely got lost.

As an aside, I had a cat that was extremely thin due to a medical condition. My neighbour decided he was a stray, started feeding him tins of tuna, which was much tastier than his special diet, and my cat wouldn't come home. She nearly killed him with the tuna and lack of medication. We only got him back as he went to the vet with her and his chip showed up on the x-ray!! She was so unapologetic about it, accusing us of maltreatment of him I swear I could have swung for her. How dare she assume I wasn't taking care of him. He died at 7yo due to his medical condition, we loved him!!!

You wanted to take him out of the owners arms though, I think that's a step too far!
And kind of proves you wanted to keep him for yourself

Why do you think it wasn’t his cat?

He’s obviously very concerned and loves his cat else he wouldn’t be taking it home.

You should never feed a cat because Jess they come begging and end up getting lost (or people assuming they’re strays) but tbh I probably would have fed it too if I thought it was starving.

My cat either looks like he’s raised in Buckingham palace and is fat with thick fur or he’s skinny and has hair loss.
The vet has ruled out medical issues and areas and thinks it may be an allergy to something.

It sounds like you have built your an attachment to this cat, maybe it’s something to do with your other cat dying.

You have nothing to lose by putting a note in the door explaining that your cat has died and you are really attached to this cat and you’d love to take it on if they ever wanted to get rid of it.
If they’re local they would see it all of the time anyway and it would probably spend a lot of time in their home too.

If not definitely look into adopting a cat from a shelter.
So many older cats get overlooked and it sounds like you would give them a great home!

the statement that a cat that’s being fed “properly” won’t wander is bollocks.

My cat is fed properly.

She’s not fed on cheap dry cat food that’s full of stuff that’s not good for her. However, much like junk food for humans, she sees it as the best thing ever.

A cat that eats food you tempt them with is not necessarily a starving cat.

I do understand your concerns, OP, but if you fed my cats I’d be really fucking furious. (A neighbour with a fat neutered springer spaniel is always telling me - and other neighbours! - that my unneutered springer is “too thin” when he’s absolutely perfect.)

And young cats are often lanky and lean, like teenagers of the human species.

I'm angry at myself for not trying to get Tom out of his arms

This makes you sound mental. Not your cat.

Yes, I do.

But you did try and steal him - you said you regret not physically assaulting the man to take him.

You sound nuts

Batshit

I would've loved to see the police report though 😂

My beloved tom cat was 12 when he was diagnosed with lymphoma. He lost a lot of weight and looked ‘malnourished’ for a time until his treatment kicked in. He was on a special diet because of his medication and if anyone had tried to take him in to ‘feed him up’ it would have been fatal to him.

Cats roam - they are not always ‘unhappy’ at home, they are opportunists and always up for an extra meal. A cat won’t stay anywhere they are unhappy, I agree, but the cat wasn’t with the OP all the time so difficult to tell.

I agree that keeping cats in is cruel - and especially un- neutered males, but in some areas of the country owners opt to keep cats in for their own safety, which I think is understandable.

Yes, the cat may now be kept in, but who’s fault is that ? If the OP hadn’t tried to entice it in and fed it, it would have been free to roam without the owner worrying about it being stolen. And I don’t think it’s a case of property ownership, more about being a responsible owner - responsible owners will insure their pets for vet fees and will have incurred other expenses. So why would you expect anyone to be happy about a pet they have invested time, money and love in ?

Yes, they are.

They also put cats in danger by encouraging them to stay out overnight. Many people feed their cat at night and that gets them in - it’s much more dangerous out overnight - and then idiots feed them and they don’t go home.

Not to mention the health issues.

A man lost his cat, you decided it was yours.
He found his cat, you told him that you wanted to take his cat, and considered snatching it out of his hands?????

You sound rather unhinged!

But it’s your fault he’s going to now be kept indoors because you’ve stole the cat.

Sorry, posted too soon - last paragraph should read ‘why would you expect anyone to be happy about a pet they have invested time, money and love in, being poached by a neighbour ? Things are not always as they seem.

Bemused that everyone is focusing on the 'attempted theft' of the cat, and not the part where, y'know, the actual owner doesn't seem to be treating the cat well (it's too thin, and doesn't seem to want to go home) and OP is concerned for its welfare. Presumably you wouldn't rather see the cat mistreated by its owner than taken good care of by someone else??

You can't just nick a cat off the street, op. It wasn't yours to start with.

My indoor cat started going out when we moved house. Started off wandering in the garden then she’d go into the street.

An older man started feeding her& he then came to my house to advise that he’d woken up and she was in his house having climbed in his window!

She now lives with the man full time and on rare occasions comes back to my house to see us. My kids were initially upset but given that we see her daily and are welcome to pop by and see her they’re okay.

She’d even climbed into someone’s parked car and ate their pizza when the window was down 🙈

I had her from kitten age to 5, she’s been dressed and microchipped etc. Me and the man across the road split food costs etc, like cat maintenance 🤣

Well stop feeding cats and enticing them into your home and maybe the owners will be happy to let them out?

You created the situation for Tom.

Cats are very fickle, I'm not sure that not wanting to go home is a good reason for the cat to be given to OP.

No, I think that’s a bit harsh. The OP has recently lost her own cat and I think grief might be playing a part here. Not condoning it - as the owner of a very sick cat who had lymphoma and who looked malnourished because of it, I would have been devastated if someone just decided that I was mistreating the cat and tried to ‘save’ it. But having lost a beloved pet, I can understand that the OP might be trying to compensate for her loss. Might be time for a rescue cat.

I've got a cat and I'd be livid if someone was feeding her. Il tell you why as well. She has pancreatitis that can and will flare up with specific foods (especially Felix) and I'd be banging on their door demanding they pay the next lot of vet fees to make her better (IV fluids/antibiotics/possible MAJOR operation again/overnight stay fees etc by the way that cost me £1000 last time she had a major flare up for all of those things not to mention the specialist diet she had to be on for a fortnight afterwards) if that cat had any medical issues you feeding it food it's not used to could of killed it! Just like if someone feeds mine something she can't have it could kill her. The cats back with its owner, you are not the owner.

You are breaking the law then.

I’m sorry your own cat passed away. I know from experience how hard that is. However you’re coming across as slightly mad in this thread. Wishing you had snatched a cat from his owner ? Going round to the owner’s house after the cat??

Think! When your own car was still alive, how would you have felt if someone had done the same to your cat? Tried to snatch it from your arms when you found it? Came round and harassed you at your own home and offered you money for your cat?

I mistakenly fed a cat that I thought was a stray. He came round twice a day for food and was very friendly. Wolfed the food down too. But his owners were just on holiday and had tasked another neighbour to feed their cat. The cat obviously preferred our food! I apologised when I realised the cat wasn’t a stray. I ignored the cat from then on when it came to me for food and it soon stopped coming round.

It’s your fault this cat is being kept in. You’ve basically made out you’d steal it if you saw it again. You have no idea why it’s thin, if it has any medical problems, if it needs a special diet. Leave it alone! It’s cruel to indirectly steal someone else’s cat - just like it would have been cruel for someone to steal your late cat. Adopt a new cat if you want to but don’t take other people’s.

And if the cat has a health condition causing it to be underweight ? If it’s on medication ? What then ? You have to look beyond what’s going on on the surface.